I recently sent this to the person who my ex was having an EA with. It was so therapeutic to me. (She actually emailed me back and thanked me for telling her about him.) I had read so much in his emails to her and her emails to him that it scared me to think she might believe he was anything other than what he is. If only I could warn every woman in his path. :/<P>~~~~~<P>Hi (name).<BR> <BR>This is (ex)'s ex wife.<BR> <BR>Imagine my surprise to find out that my self-proclaimed "faithful" husband, who had never cheated on any of his girlfriends and never would cheat ever in his life, was planning to meet you at a hotel in (city) for sex, on my birthday of all days, last fall. Try to comprehend my shock when I read lie after lie printed about me, and details of cyber-sex encounters that would have to suffice until you could share the real thing ...<BR> <BR>It really doesn't matter now. He is a free man. I notice you are still married though, at least according to your (chat) profile.<BR> <BR>When I first found out about you in December, right after I left (ex), I got very upset. I entertained thoughts of sending copies of your emails to each other to people who would appreciate the information.<BR> <BR>But then as I read on, I realized you are just as much of a victim of his deceit as I have been.<BR> <BR>Did he bother to tell you that he is verbally and physically abusive? Did he tell you about the time he put a loaded gun in front of me and told me to shoot myself and get it over with? Did he tell you about the hot coffee he threw at me and got on our infant child? How about when he would go outside with his handgun and pretend to shoot himself to make me think I had driven him to commit suicide? How about the times he pulled the phone off the wall and pounded it into pieces to prevent me from calling the police when he became aggressive?<BR> <BR>Did he tell you how he lied to me about members of my family to turn me against them? Did he tell you how he would constantly accuse me of saying things I had never said and doing things I had never done to make me think I was going crazy so that when I left, he would get custody? Did he tell you that I ended up trying to commit suicide because his mother told me I was abusive to my children, which NEVER HAPPENED but was part of his scheme to take the children from me if I left him?<BR> <BR>Did he bother to tell you about threatening to kill (the kids' pet) if I called the cops on him again? Did he tell you how many times he hit me in front of the kids and screamed at me and called me names in front of them so angrily that a two year old child clung to me, trying to protect me from him? Did he tell you how he lied to the police about me after he kidnapped our children and would not let me see them?<BR> <BR>Did he tell you about the psychological exam he ordered to "prove" that I was an unfit parent? Probably not, because the psychologist found that I should keep full physical custody of the children, and found (ex) to be a liar that went out of his way to make me look bad, but seemed to be ambivalent about taking care of the children himself?<BR> <BR>(name), I do not wish to bring any further intrusion into your life. I do not seek revenge against you, or him for that matter. I want him to be happy, which is going to be exceedingly difficult since he has refused to continue anger management and fails to see that any of the marital deterioration had to do with his years of abuse. He really feels that he did nothing wrong. I "deserved" to be picked up off the floor by my hair, to be struck in the head and kicked in the back, to be spit on, to be followed and accused and called every vile name a man can call a woman. I could not leave the house with makeup on, I could not lose 5 pounds or dress a certain way, I could not come home 5 minutes late without timed dated receipts for where I'd been, and still I was accused of spending all HIS money (we both worked), and accused of sleeping with men all over the state (yes, even when I was nine months pregnant and stuck at home with no transportation and a young child).<BR> <BR>I want you to be happy as well. (Ex) is not the person he has made himself out to be. I can't prevent you from staying in contact with him, but I have a moral obligation to warn you about him. He is an absolute textbook example of an abusive, controlling man. Right down to coming off as charming and sweet to people who don't know him. My attorney specializes in domestic violence and can attest to this. I can copy you pages and pages of things he has done. I can't make you believe it, however. You could be as much under his spell as I was in the beginning. Do you think I would marry the man if I knew then what he was capable of?<BR> <BR>You should really be careful about people you meet on the internet. I learned this the hard way. I would not want it to happen to anyone else. I have been through hell with this man, and I continue to suffer emotionally for staying with him as long as I did, when everything inside me was telling me to leave. I am worth a better man than he is willing to become. So are you.<BR> <BR>(me)<BR> <BR>P.S. You are welcome to contact me if you wish. As I said, I harbor no feelings of resentment toward you for your part in this. I have settled my anger with God and will let Him take care of things as He sees fit. My job is to forgive and to love, and to let go of anger and hurt. If you have any questions, I'm here.<p>[ October 19, 2001: Message edited by: T-L-C ]
