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OLD ENOUGH<P>A 5-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 5-year-old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."<P>The 4-year-old nods his head in approval.<P>"When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say 'hell,' and you say 'a$$', okay?"<P>"Okay," the 4-year-old says with enthusiasm.<P>The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 5-year-old what he wants for breakfast.<P>"Awe, hell mom, I guess I'll have the Cheerios."<P>Whack!! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out.<P>The mom looks at the 4-year-old and asks in a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"<P>"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your a$$ it won't be Cheerios."<BR> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]
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[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] cute,very cute [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <P>-Kat-
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Doris and Fred began their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house. After a few days, a young, attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks. She said she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays but would pay for the whole week. <BR>Doris showed her the house, and they agreed to start straight away. "There's just one problem," explained the model. "Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don't have a bath." <P>"That's not a problem," replied Doris. "We have a tin bath out in the yard, and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water." <P>"What about you're husband?" asked the model. <P>"Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings," replied Doris. <P>"Good," said the model. "Now that that's settled, I'll go to the studio and see you tonight." <P>That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping her clothes, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair. The model noticed Doris' staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimwear or underclothes. <P>Later, when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity, and he did not believe her. "It's true, I tell you!" said Doris. "Look, if you don't believe me, tomorrow night I'll leave the curtains slightly open, and you can peek in and see for yourself." <P>The next night, Fred left as usual, and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her. Doris looked toward the curtains and pointed toward the model's naked pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and, wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Later, Fred returned and they retired to bed. "Well, do you believe me now?" she asked Fred. <P>"Yes," he replied. "I've never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?" <P>"Just to show you the difference," answered Doris. "But I guess you've seen me millions of times." <P>"Yes," said Fred, "I have, but the rest of the dart team hadn't." [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/blush.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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One day a blonde decided she was going to learn to ride a horse. She took a deep breath and made it into the saddle. With a nod and a pat to the horse she was off. <P>Soon she was feeling very confidant and the horse began to go faster. It was then she paniced and started to slide off the horse. She frantically reached for the mane or the saddle horn but couldn't grab it so she just kept sliding. The horse unaware of its riders demise just kept running. It's hooves going up and down, the blonde thought for sure she was going to be tramppled. So she started to scream and as she did,Frank the Wal-mart greeter unplugged the machine.<P> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
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One day a blonde decided she was going to learn to ride a horse. She took a deep breath and made it into the saddle. With a nod and a pat to the horse she was off. <P>Soon she was feeling very confidant and the horse began to go faster. It was then she paniced and started to slide off the horse. She frantically reached for the mane or the saddle horn but couldn't grab it so she just kept sliding. The horse unaware of its riders demise just kept running. It's hooves going up and down, the blonde thought for sure she was going to be tramppled. So she started to scream and as she did,Frank the Wal-mart greeter unplugged the machine.<P> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
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One day a single Dad had his girlfriend over for the afternoon. His 12 year old son would not leave the house. His Dad tried everything to get the kid out of the house. Finally he bribed him. He said, "ok, son you go out to the street and for every man that drives buy wearing a red cap I will pay you $5.00 dollars. Well the kid thought that was a good idea and so he went outside and sat on the curb. A hour later he came rushing into the bedroom and said," Well Dad you got screwed twice today first from her and then from me." His Dad puzzled asked why. Guess what the Shriners are in town.<P><BR>Jill
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<B>Great Truths About Life Children Have Learned: </B><BR>1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.<BR>2. When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.<BR>3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.<BR>4. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.<BR>5. Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a Tic-Tac.<BR>6. Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.<BR>7. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.<BR>8. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. <P><B>Great Truths About Life Adults Have Learned: </B><BR>1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.<BR>2. Families are like fudge... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.<BR>3. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.<BR>4. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.<BR>5. If you can remain calm while all others around you are losing their heads, maybe you just don't understand the problem.
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Jester, I heard Click and Clack - the Tappit Brothers tell that one just this past Saturday. But it was a Car Talk marathon.<P>I didn't know the Jester didn't make up his own jokes.<P> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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Santa Clause, The Perfect Man, and a Woman were riding down the road. There was a terrible car wreck. Only one survived. Which one?<P>The woman of course. Everyone knows there is no such thing as Santa Clause or The Perfect Man!!!<P>Then again that means that since there is no such thing as Santa and the Perfect Man the woman must have been driving which explains the accident in the first place! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]
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Have you seen this one? My Aunt sent it to me today... I guess I'm in a place where I found it so funny! Coming from my Aunt, maybe that's what struck me as funny... Here goes.<P><B>Warn your close female friends and spouses!...... </B><BR> <BR>Watch out.... <BR> <BR>If a man comes to your front door saying he is conducting a survey and he asks you to show him your boobs . . . DO NOT SHOW HIM YOUR BOOBS! <BR> <BR>This is a scam, and he is only trying to SEE YOUR BOOBS. <BR> <BR>I wish I had heard about this before yesterday. I feel so stupid. <P><BR><B>Gwaaa haa haa, wooo hooo hoo... really cracked me up!</B> <BR> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
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Awesome idea Nicole, thank you for the suggestion. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <P>Man if I knew it was that easy I would of started conducting a survey years ago............<P>..Huh... Wonder if I need to wear a suit? Probably ought to carry a clip board, too. HEY, I could also take a camera. Man I'm getting pumped up about this. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
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Okay, 2nd laugh for the day goes to....<P>padumbum...<P>BILL!!!<P>Only you, you sick-o! (name calling in the most affectionate of ways... DON'T GET ANY WRONG IDEAS HERE - I'm just diggin' a hole!)<P>Cheers!<BR>nik
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