I had posted here last yr. after my SO of 6+ yrs. moved out to be with another woman. Won't go into the details, but after much research, couseling, etc. I knew it was time to move on. <P>In any case, I met a wonderful man who I've been seeing now for 4 mos. There is a significant age difference, I am 45, and he is 27. He knew immediately how old I was, although most people think I am at least 10 yrs. younger, and he is extremely mature for his age. I believed he was closer to 35 when I met him. <P>In any case, age has not been an issue to date. We enjoy the same things, have so many similarities, etc., etc. Believe me, I have analyzed this almost to death. He is so much more mature than most of the men my age, and older. <P>It has been hard for me to trust - having been so surprised by the end of my last relationship. I am scared he will just walk out of my life, like the last relationship, so we have both been taking it slowly. I wasn't sure what I was looking for in a relationship, and figured we would just take it one step at a time. <P>Now, I feel that I am ready to be sexually intimate, but he says he isn't ready yet. We see each other every day - he calls me 1-2 times a day from work - is wonderful in every way - usually spends 1 night each weekend, and now I'm the one wondering why he isn't ready? After all, he's male, and 27.<P>I am attractive, and in the past keeping men away used to be a problem, although I've always been very conservative, so it isn't that the attraction isn't there. He also said he didn't want this to be just a platonic relationship, and he has always been the one to say that the age difference was not an issue to him. He was quite sexually active in college, has had at least 2 serious relationships (2 yrs & 3 yrs), so it's not that he's inexperienced. The last time we discussed it, he said our relationship was too important, and he didn't want to screw it up.<P>Sorry, didn't mean to make this so long, I'm just confused, feeling a little insecure, wondering if there is more to it. At 1st it was nice that I didn't have to fend him off, and now I'm wishing that I had that option. Any insight would be welcome. <BR>Sara

Is there any possibility that this is a rebound relationship for either one or both of you? If he was rebounding and is just about done now that may explain it. But that's a wild guess, it could be anything at all. Just let things happen and the issue will resolve itself.

Thanks for your response. <P>Having gone through, and still going to counseling, I, too was afraid of a rebound relationship. I did date a couple of others before him, but nothing seriously. I was married for 17 yrs., and then had this 6 yr. relationship, so dating, especially in this day and age is a little different. I've never been one to just have casual sex, or even casual relationships. <P>One of the things which helped me resolve my last relationship was to look at what I had been getting from that relationship, and what my emotional needs were, in addition to, what I was really looking for in a relationship. It's been very enlightening to say the least.<P>As for him, he broke up with his girlfriend in Nov. 98, dated a couple of others, the last one which ended a month before I met him (2 mos). <P>I guess the thing which scares me the most, and is certainly the baggage which carried over from my last relationship, is fear that he will leave as quickly and unexpectedly as my SO of 6 yrs. Commitmentphobia was the issue in that case. <P>In this new relationship, he has shown me none of the "signs", and believe me, I've been looking, overanalyzing, and hating that I am so afraid, so hypersensitive. Perhaps he is much smarter than I, perhaps I'm not as ready as I think I am. <P>If nothing else, I have learned that things have a way of working themselves out, if I can just let go long enough to let them. Not my strength. <P>Thanks for letting me vent. It's always amazed me how much coming to this forum has helped. I hope one day I can be of more help to others.<P>Sara

Perhaps he is seeing how the relationship will pan out without sex....sometimes it is important to see how the other aspects of a relationship will pan out before sexual intimacy..sex is a giving of oneself..maybe he wants to see how his other needs will be met..maybe his past relationships were built on sex, which can make them very shallow...is he a Christian? If he is, maybe he feels that sex outside of marriage is inappropriate...just some ideas...discuss them with him...God bless.

Thanks for your input.<P>Yes, when he was in college, he was pretty wild. He told me first came the sex, and then he would wake up a month later and find there was nothing else there. <P>He did have a girlfriend of 2 yrs. who slipped up one night - that was the end of their relationship - he said he couldn't ever trust or respect her again. And a girlfriend of 3 yrs. whose career came ahead of him. <P>Neither of us are quick to trust others. And I suppose I should be extremely thankful that he does seem to have enough respect not to just have sex for the sake of .... I guess my fear is that it's his way of saying this relationship may not work. I myself don't know if it will - do we ever know? We seem to meet each others emotional needs in all other ways - I think maybe we both are a little gun shy. Perhaps it just surprises me that I am willing to go to the next level before him, and that I'm not trusting of the reasons he is not? He has given me absolutely no reason not to trust him - in any respect. <P>It's hard for him to open up and really discuss emotions - but I really don't know too many men who sit down and easily can "tell" someone how they really "feel". When I give him space to let him discuss issues, he always has - at least to the level he feels comfortable.<P>So, is this the answer - just be patient - let him bring it up - not to press it? I guess my baggage is that I am so busy trying to mind read, protect myself from the shock I had in my last relationship, read the "signs" of potential distancing, etc. I don't want to avoid the discussion, but I also don't want to make him crazy by questioning because of my own insecurities. Patience is not my strength. I want to know it all, and I want to know it all now. <P>Sara