I'm new here, I read a lot of your posts and appriciate all of the responces. I've been having a big problem with my self-esteem.<BR>Let me tell you a about my senierio...My husband was addicted to pornography for ten or so years, just recently (since Feburary) have we been working a lot of things out in our relationship. My husband has given up pornography and we have an intimate relationship, we comunnicate and spend a lot of time together. We both have computers in seperate parts of the house (His & Hers) so it was always easy for me to check up on him.<BR>I have had to learn to trust him all over again as well as he has had to gain my trust and if he sliped the trust we deminish.<BR>My self-esteem went so low that I had started to compair my self to the way other women look...and seeing so many flaws in myself. I've lost 50 lbs. and always try to wear sexy clothes for my husband (thong underwear, ect.) Always trying to enhance our love life...I buy book, tapes, massage oils & books...which he doesn't seem interested in. We have come a long way with our relationship...My delima is a lot of times he is to tired for sex when we go to bed at night but in the morning he mastubates or he wants oral sex instead of touching and having sex with me...so I feel left out in the cold or rejected because he doesn't touch or seem to want me.<BR>I still have a self-esteem problem...due to all the rejection...however I do think I am sexy and beautiful...just having a hard time with him wanting masturbation over me.I guess I was just wanting to know if it's a normal thing for a man to perfer matubation over having sex with a beautiful sexy and willing partner. Still confussed!<P>------------------<BR>

Masturbation is a normal and healthy thing but it should not replace sex with your partner. What I think is that men are very visual creatures. That is probably one of the things your husband liked about it, watching without having to participate. Even though your husband has given up pornography he still likes the visual or fantasy part of it. By not actually making love to a person where you do have to focus your attention and thoughts on them he can still use fantasy. The fantasy he is having is exciting for him and that's why he masturbates or has you give him oral sex. He still needs help from a professional counselor to overcome his wanting fantasy instead of someone real.

I goofed and posted my reply under the new topic heading of Masturbation is different.<BR>Sorry... But it'll probably lead to one heck of a tangent since my comments really were in response to your post.

Hi,<P>I am not convinced that masturbation is a normal and healthy thing myself. I understand about exploration of sexual feelings and all, but what is masturbation used for? Answer that for yourself.<P>Then read here for what Dr. Harley says about masturbation in marriage n Love Busters in my (thoughtful) post today: <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/000194.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/000194.html</A> <P>Hugz, Thoughtful<BR><P>------------------<BR>To save your marriage use Dr. Harley's methods at <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com/</A> <BR>