Here’s a recap of my story for those not in the know.<p>Married 1980. 2 girls now 16 & 10.
Wife had affair in Sep-Dec 98. She left Feb 99. Week visit to kids in May 99. Last time she saw them. She did call them through 99-00, but has only spoken to them 4 times this year. <p>This year she sent my oldest $300 for her birthday in August. She sent Halloween cards w/$50 (How nice of her.) She called Sunday night while I was at work and told the girls she would come visit this month and take them to a movie, out to dinner & $hopping.<p>My youngest told me this Monday morning.<p>Anyhoo, I told my youngest that Mom could come here to the house while I am at home to visit. She cannot take them out anywhere. She was a bit upset but I explained that being a parent is not showing up every few years for a week and buying presents. I also told her that if Mom stuck around (like a few months) and did visit often, then I would think about letting them go out with her.

Chris,
I think your response is sensible. She hasn't acted as their mother for a long time, and should have discussed the plans for a visit & activities with you before talking to your daughters.
But then, there are a lot of things she "should have" done.<p>You've got good instincts with your kids, you are the parent, the only one they've been able to count on and who is there. I fell bad that they've lost a mother who chose to abandon them.<p>Maybe if she showed up with several tens of thousands of $$$ + interest in child support for the last nearly 3 years you could have a good place to begin a discussion on her activity in the girls' lives. <p>Hugs to you.

Chris,<p>I think your response is dead on. However, [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] (you knew that was coming), what is your status? D you have sole custody of the children? Is the divorce in the mill? Have you gone to court to insure that you are the one calling the shots?<p>If any of these things are a no, I would stronly recommend that you see a lawyer, pronto. I mean right now. <p>I understand your response, I agree with it wholeheartedly, but I have learned that the law has little regard for what most of us would think is the "right" thing to do. So check up and know your stuff.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

Okay Chris... Haven't been here much lately... and when I am.. I'm only logged in as my mentors name [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] How are you and the girls doing? Sounds like you are doing good.. but catch me up.. <p>I agree with your decision based on the little info that I know of about you as of date. Last I heard.. you had become one of the many divorced here.. is that right? I guess I could check.. but I just wanted to say hello before you rode off in the dust again. My updates are few and far between... will be joining you over here in D/D one day... unless there's miracles in store for me and the boys.<p>Anyhow.. (((((Chris))))))<p>Becareful... and hey dude.. you need to update that MB page you use to have.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Last I checked it was NULL. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

She wouldn't by any chance try to snatch the girls and run, would she????<p>Desiree

Chris? How about an update... I've been praying about this and thinking about you since I posted..(as E mpty). Anyhow, let us know.

Guess I’m kinda layin’ low until things get sorted.<p>She has not called since then so I don’t know what’s up.<p>Thanks Lor<p>JL, In the works. Should be completed in Jan. Her visitation is ONLY at my home, when I am present.<p>Desiree, I don’t believe she would (but she wouldn’t have an affair either would she [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) snatch the kids. I have talked to them (all the time) that if she shows up they should FIRST call me and also they should NOT go ANYWHERE with her unless they hear it from my lips. They understand.<p>I don’t think she would try to take ‘em because;
a - It would mess up her life with wankboy.
b - She has no place to live except in hotels with wankboy.
c - She moves every few weeks with wankboy & what about school and everything else with the kids?
d - I believe she feels bad that she left her children and it‘s too difficult for her to face up to all of it.

Chris,
How old is she? I don't remember.....
Mike

She just turned 40.

OK, Chris - that makes me feel better. I guess the sad thing is that Donna might not come to visit and then set the girls up for another round of disappointment. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing - if she shows and if she doesn't. You and your girls are in my prayers.<p>Desiree

Hi Chris,<p>Saw your recent post on the recovery board and was wondering how things were going with you, so checked out your recent posts. Not sure you remember me or not, but of the thousands of story's I have read here, yours is one that will always stand out in my mind, pretty much like you, a standout kind of guy. The patience you have shown through out the years and the stuff you have put up with from your wife is really amazing. Your story I really think is one that has given me the incentive to stick with my marraige as long as I have. Plus my problems seem trivial compared to what you have been through. Just wanted to say thanks.<p>Anyway, take this for what it is worth, but one thing that stands out in what you said was that "your wife feels bad that she left her children". For me, this kind of reminded me about where I am at. I have really been contemplating whether I wanted to continue to stay married to my wife or not. My wife has some issues that really bother me and in my opinion, she has not been wiling to face them or get any help to deal with them. I have really thought about just giving up on her and moving on. Part of what for now is keeping me choicing to try to keep "loving" my wife is that I know that she will never be out of my life. We have two kids also and I have realized that no matter what happens between the two of us, we still will need to find a way to relate to each other because of the kids. For me, that means no matter what I need to keep "loving" her, cause I know my kids will love her no matter what. I have seen too many couples get divorced, only to continue there screwed up relationships after the divorce, which hurts them and their kids. Anyway, not sure if this really has anything to do with your sitution and lord knows I don't know all the intricacies of it, but as hard as it is, try to find a way to deal with your wife's proposal to your kids in a loving and conciderate way. In the end that will be best for everyone. That's not to say that what you have told your kids is not loving. I think it is. Anyway, just thought I would share this with you. Hang in there, as I am sure you if anyone know, things will work out for you and your kids.<p>God's strength and much patience to you.<p>Tim

Hi there, I think you are right on the money. If those are the visitation rules, she cannot take the kids anywhere for now. It is her fault and she will have to deal with it... maybe they could rent a movie and pop it in the vcr if that is the idea... sounds like she is tight financially anyway.. probably easier on her pocket book.. I would watch to make sure she does not take anything fronm house... if she is living the hotel life... it is hard... I did it once in ASan francisco while waiting for a house... it was one of the most miserable ways to live your life... I feel sorry for her.. sounds as if she is really making mistakes.. It soudns as if you could never take her back and that you are already divorced?/<p>Sorry to hear that a mom could do this to her children, especially sorry for girls that need a mom...<p>YOu and your girls are in my prayers.<p>lisa [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Tim, yeah I remember you.<p>no matter what happens between the two of us, we still will need to find a way to relate to each other because of the kids.
Yeah, I said that once upon a time too, but it seems we don’t need to relate at all. We haven’t spoken since Feb.<p>Lisa,
sounds like she is tight financially anyway..
I doubt it very much. She works for wankboy and as far as I can guess she really doesn’t have any bills (yet [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) except for meals & clothes. wankboy has done this for years, so he just has someone to tag along with him.<p>if she is living the hotel life...
She has done this since she left (3 years ago). Oh yeah, when she left, she told her sister we moved too much (5 times in 19 years?!?)