Randi with me has passed all her classes at school. Not bad after the **** she has been through. Not all flying great grades but she passed. I went to my second parent teacher meeting yesterday and the teacher said some nice things about Randi she works hard, participates and is making great progress. On the first meeting I told her teacher her story and she like my truthfulness and she also was from a family that had problems like Randi. So she calls me every 2 weeks to give me a update. Also I gave her my permission to do what she feels is best for Randi. So it is working for now knock on wood.
Kelli with mom on the other hand 1200 miles away is a mess she has failed 4 out of 7 classes. Well she passed mixed choir, drama and Spanish. Failed English, history, algebra, and biology. Gee i am so glad she passed choir and drama. And this is 10 grade not middle school so this is on her permanent school record good buy being a vet.The reason I know is I called her school and had them cc me everything they give to kelli. Also she is going to the wrong school Diane gave them a address of a friend
house so kelli could go to her old school.<p>And I can still remember Diane say to me that this
was going to be good for the kids.<p>So Can you see why I feel like a basket case inside.I have Diane just doing what she feels like and all the rest of us are paying the price. Me and Randi are planning Thanksgiving by ourselves just us two.<p>I am so glad Randi is not with diane. I will tell you this Kelli would never fail like this if she was with me. That is irresponsible of Diane for not knowing what the hell is going on. Also Kelli is hanging out with the wrong crowd at school so anything could happen, drugs, sex, getting pregnant whatever. Diane works afternoons a lot so Kelli is unsupervised all day.<p>I am pissed I feel so thankfull and Thanksgiving is here.

Is there anyway you can get custody of Kelli? Are you and Diane speaking about any of this? Sounds like you need a plan or your older daughter is going to self destruct? Surely her mother can't think this is acceptable????

Reality
It's not what you think
Then what.<p>First we are separated. The children made up there own mind on what they wanted to do. And we went with that, yes I wanted both togeather but that is just how it is. This is not a perfect world if it was we would not need places like this would we. I have tryed a thousand times to work things out every why I could think of. I have even sent roses 8 times in 4 months. I even told Diane I would move out of this house and get a room down the street so her and the kids could be togeather. I offered to live in the utility room with the dog the (dog likes me). I paid all her bills for 3 months and sent spending money.<p>But I now will not give up Randi. Not after all of this it has taken me 5 months to get Randi somewhat happy and have piece of mind. Randi did not even want to talk to her mother last weekend when mom asked to speak to her she feels mom has abandoned her. I asked her why she did not want to talk and she said she had nothing to say to mom. Diane has only sent 2 cards to Randi in 5 months. I send Kelli a card or letter every week to 10 days with spending money in it also.<p>Also I have had to buy Randi a new bike, clothes and toys. My wife took all the kids stuff when she left and it is now in storage in 1200 miles away. I came back with Randi with 1/2 a suitcase of clothes. I had to get all her shots and reg. her for school while working full time while feeling like a walking dead person inside. I feel betrayed by my best friend or the person I thought of as my best friend. The person I would die for.<p>And now I am so far behind in bills right now I can not afford air fair for now or Christmas, this and buying this house has wiped me out. And I now have to come up with another $842 before Dec 31 for Taxes.<p>So this is not simple and is not good or nice but that is how it is. I only slept 2 hours a night for 3 months and spent the rest of the time trying to make chicken soup out of chicken sh*t and working.<p>I am a prisoner here for now and for some time to come. And that is just the way it is.<p>I did not create this situation. I did not move 1200 mile away and Randi is not failing in school.<p>P.S. Kelli has never failed a class before. A she will not leave her mother even though she wants to live with Randi and me. As Randi will not leave me to live with mom.<p>So I am bitter my wife has caused me and our family more stress in the last 6 months then I thought I could even deal with. I hurt every day because of this. I thought yesterday maybe I should give Randi to Diane so I can drive into a tree and end all this sh*t. Gee the Anti-Depressants must not be working.<p>Happy Thanksgiving<p>[ November 15, 2001: Message edited by: ronnb ]</p>

I take it you are confused about my signature line - it means that what I perceive to be "reality" is not necessarily the truth. What I think is just that. It is what I think. It may not be what you think (usually isn't) and what either of us think may not be what is real.<p>What is real here is your depression and anxiety and your daughter's (Kelli) scream for help. If she has never failed classes before and is now doing so, that is ONE HUGE RED FLAG. I can tell from your post that you know this, but sense some desperation in wondering what to do about it. <p>That is why I asked if you and Diane are talking about the kids? Is she also concerned? Does she offer any input? <p>I understand you moved for a job and assumed your family would follow? And now you are 1200 miles away and feel completely stuck. It would be difficult to parent from that distance. However, if your wife is not parenting (and it seems as if she is not) then you have to. That is why I asked if there was any way you could get custody of Kelli. I know you said you gave the girls the choice of where to live, but children don't always make the best choices. I think it is time for you to say to Diane -
"Randi is doing fine living with me. Kelli is obviously not doing fine living with you. Even though we are separated, I am still her father and I would not be doing my job if I didn't try to help this situation. I need to know what your plan is, Diane, as the "on-site" parent to Kelli to get her grades back in shape and ensure she is doing ok emotionally and in school. I think we should discuss this again in a few weeks to see how she is doing and if she needs to come out here and live with Randi and I, then I think that is what we should do. You can't possibly think that everything is just fine and you and I need to do what we can to be here for our girls."<p>I know you feel like you have already done so much, but sending roses isn't the answer. Please at least try to have the conversation with Diane.
Keep us posted.

Wiffle
This is a email I sent my Dad today that is at my sisters house. My mom dad and sister spent 3 months this year togeather and is now there for Thanksgiving, And have not seen my kids for 1 1/2 years, after a promise he made too me in may to visit this july. My dad just turned 70 and will not be around forever and Randi is 10 and Kelli 15.<p>I am sorry I blew up but to go through this for 6 months has gotten on my nerves big time. And Kelli's grades and the tax bill in the same week. Also not being able to contact Diane or kelli is driving me NuTs. Also with me having all of next week off, I planed on going to Colorado so the kids can be together for Thanksgiving has also died in this mess. As of right now I have $206 dollars to my name until pay day. When I came here after buying this house I had almost ten thousand dollars left over in the bank.<p>I was really upset that you did not visit this year my kids or kid will never get that back. I really looked forward to it and it really did upset me even if I did not show it.<p>This will be the first Thanksgiving I or Randi ever had without family or friends over. I do not do alone well and the only thing that holds me together right now is taking care of Randi and her company and love for me.<p>Right now we are watching the nut cracker while I cook chili and hot dogs. <p>Randi got off early from school today and called me and asked if it was ok for her to play Christmas music. So it will break my heart if she has a poor Christmas this year. We will cook cookies and decorate the tree on Saturday. She still believes in Santa and she needs Santa this year.<p>As I said I am sorry I have never had so much to deal with in my life. And I try my best and **** just keepshappening and I just feels so thankful and lucky. <p>Love Ronn<p>[ November 15, 2001: Message edited by: ronnb ]</p>

P.S.<p>I am not afraid of women why I am 225 pounds and 6 foot 7 inches tall and 45 years old. I am afraid of marriage after 20 years my wife turned into a space alien and destroyed our family. My daughter that lives with me will not even talk to mom, who do you think she choose to live with me not mom.<p>My daughter that lives with me has passed all her classes at school. Not bad after the **** she has been through. Not all flying great grades but she passed. <p>My other daughter with mom on the other hand 1200 miles away is a mess she has failed 4 out of 7 classes. Well she passed mixed choir, drama and Spanish. Failed English, history, algebra, and biology. Gee i am so glad she passed choir and drama. Mom is doing a great job.<p>Marriage today is like walking around with a gun to your head and pretending to be happy.<p>One wrong move and you get it. And women walks away or start divorces 65% or more of the time and some say more that says something does it not.<p>Kind of like having sex with a praying mantis and keeping your head. <p>After child support and alimony they cut your balls off and make a Christmas ornament to hang on the tree every year.<p>You take a dip in the pool to relax and find it is filled with acid.<p>My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last: Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food, and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. <p>We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Colorado and mine is in California. <p>I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. <p>Remember... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. <p>Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage. <p>I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. <p>I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.<p>In the beginning, God created Earth and rested. The God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. <p>Why do men die before their wives? Because they want to.

Wow!<p>I understand how hurt, angry, and distraught you must be. It seeps from every word of your posts - almost all of them.<p>Ronn, I bet you know you aren't handling this well on an emotional level. Are you getting help? Do you have a doctor you can talk to? Are you taking anything to help you deal with your stress, anxiety, and depression? <p>And, just as importantly, do you have a counselor? Does Randi have one? I know money is an issue. There are usually community service agencies or community mental health agencies which could help you. <p>I wish I had other pearls of wisdom but I don't. I just know you sound like a man who needs help.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>Wow!<p>I understand how hurt, angry, and distraught you must be. It seeps from every word of your posts - almost all of them.<p>Ronn, I bet you know you aren't handling this well on an emotional level. Are you getting help? Do you have a doctor you can talk to? Are you taking anything to help you deal with your stress, anxiety, and depression? <p>And, just as importantly, do you have a counselor? Does Randi have one? I know money is an issue. There are usually community service agencies or community mental health agencies which could help you. <p>I wish I had other pearls of wisdom but I don't. I just know you sound like a man who needs help.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>((((((Ron))))))),<p>I am sorry you are hurting so much. Cinderella, made some good points though. I know you are going through the anger stage of your marriage but you need to get some really good counseling.<p>As for the daughter Kelli who is with her mom. It could possibly be Kelli is struggling more with the divorce than your daughter Randi. I have two son's they both live with me. My child who is has a very high IQ just brought home the worse report card. He is handling things differently than his younger brother. You can not compare the two children like you have been doing. This is unfair for Kelli. In one post you said in regards to your daughter Kelli's irresponsibility, "Like mother like daughter." Her irresponsibiity is typical teenager things. Please try to be more understanding towards Kelli as an individual. She is not your other daughter. <p>Also, I said once in a post, I hope Diane, Kelli and Randi aren't their real names. If by some odd fluke someone comes on MB and knows your daughters, sadly it could get back to Kelli or Randi and the private things said could hurt them deeply. Sure this is not very possible but it's probable. I would suggest you quit using real names.<p>Also, regarding your father. You didn't state why he changed his mind to visit you and your daughter but he is 70 years old. Usually even short trips may be very hard on a person this age. Are you sure you aren't asking too much. Also, how about you go there instead of him coming to you?<p>
Take care and goodluck Ron.<p>ANNA

Anna:
Diane did not call again yesterday. I wonder if she will call today how hard is it to call collect. So me and Randi did not get to talk to Kelli or Randi to mom. Diane acting like she has makes me want to scream at the moon. She has no phone so she says, no computer for email. It would be nice if she had email so Randi and I could keep in touch. Diane has just self destructed in my opinion and that make me sad. I really hate the thought after 20 years of busting my [censored] to make a life for my kids she just fuc*ed that all up.<p>I really wonder what Kelli will be like when I see her again. Will she be a mental basket case inside. Will all that work to give her a nice childhood be for nothing. I wonder if I will even recognize her or will she be such a different person I do not know any more.<p>I myself would never walk away on my wife. Or my children like this I do not know how she lives with herself. She has made me so mad inside I ripped up our wedding picture and threw my wedding ring down the toilet. I wonder what is going on in her head maybe me being in the hospital then being laid off and moving out here was more than she could take. But it happened to me more and I did not freak out I just tried to look forward and not back. <p>Diane will really never even come close to understanding the level of pain she created. I and still pulling out spears and arrows and knives out of my heart. When I left Colorado I left a women and when she came here she was a space alien. Five minutes after I opened the door I could feel a cold wind coming from her. Who brain washed her after I left or who was she screwing behind my back. You know she never said once thank you for doing all this for us. She never said thanks for the house or gee you worked so hard to repaint it and make it a home. I never felt so used, God I waited for 3 months for her to be here and 2 hours later I did not know this person anymore. I have never cheated on my wife for 20 years when **** hit the fan or went wrong I just recreated myself and we went on. If I got laid off I would not sleep until I found a new job.<p>If I hear that "I still love you but not like I did" one more time I will blow up. Or I still want to be friends. With friends like this who needs enemies. Really I loved her so much I would have died for her if needed. I would have done anything. <p>I remember how she would yell at me on Saturdays because after a 65 to 70 hour week at work I would just take the motorcycle out for a 2 hour ride into the mountains to relax. I would hear after that you would rather be by yourself then take me with you. 90% of the time I was home by 10am to start dinner.<p>So her timing to do maximum devastation to me was perfect. Also the way she did thing also did maximum devastation. I was not prepared for any of this no warning. Man I hope she prays to God every day because she will need to get on Gods good side fast.<p>What happens when the denial wares off and you look at reality and your life now strait in the face, and see what destruction you have done to those around you that loved you. I wonder will she dive into a deep depression. I know I would if we changed places.<p>I know what ever she thinks she has gained in this will come back to haunt her for the rest of her life. But only if there is some human left in that shell of a body she walks around in with the big tits and the silk bra and underwear I bought her.<p>
Love Ronn<p>[ November 18, 2001: Message edited by: ronnb ]</p>

Gosh ronnb,
I would never want to be on your bad side!!! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I hear all your frustration and pain with the holidays looming and financial worries. Single parenting is not for cowards! Heck, parenting is not for cowards, forget about single parenting.<p>I've been a single parent and I'm now a married parent and there are times in marriage when it feels the same.<p>I think you and your daughter can find ways to enjoy the holidays without having to go further into debt. Girls love to bake! Mine does, anyway...<p>I believe God has listened to all your concerns and He will get you guys all through this.<p>You can't say for sure how your teen would or would not have done in school because sometimes they just snap (rebel) regardless of our involvement and/or participation. I don't think you should "go there" because it's speculation and only feeds into your foul mood. I DO agree that it is a red flag, but sheesh, look at what is happening in your kids' lives! Utter chaos! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I think that you definitely can be glad that your one daughter is able to maintain her grades in spite of all the adjustments, which canNOT be easy on either one of them. Frankly, I believe the teenager needs her father now MORE than the younger one...<p>Not to mention that you are going around with all these emotions raging--don't tell me Randi can't sense this negativity emanating from you any less than when you felt that cold chill following Diane when SHE walked in the door...<p>Please, please, please find a way to make peace with all that is happening to you. No, it isn't fair and it will never be right the way you have been abandoned and your family has been ripped apart, but it happened and it will never be okay. It's time for you to start giving yourself what you feel you weren't getting in the relationship. You are a good dad, you are proving that. You are valuable. You are appreciated (by your daughter). You are preferred. Be proud of the accomplishments that you have made in spite of all the turmoil.<p> [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] I know, I can't talk you out of your resentment in one post. But just hope that I could make you feel a teeeny bit better. Take care!

BINthereDUNthat<p>Well I got a hit and run phone call from my wife yesterday. I did hope to hear some improvement in her attitude but that did not happen. After talking to her I wish I didn't. Maybe just cutting off contact with her would help going dark and just let her wonder.<p>Kelli sounded ok from what I could tell. I did tell her how disappointed I was with her grades and she said she would bust her butt to improve. I hope she does I will feel better.<p>As for the move out here both of us thought it was best at the moment. But I feel my wife changed her mind. Maybe it did not hit her untill she got here. <p>If she would have said something 2 weeks earlier I would have not signed the papers for this house and got in the car and went back without a second thought. That hurts it makes things so much more difficult with the distance. I really feel more like a prisoner in this house now.<p>My wife was judge, jury, and executioner without any input from me. So I guess that is why I am mad as hell but I am getting better one day at a time. Sometimes I feel she hit me over the back of the head with a 4*4 and I am now coming out of the coma I have been in.<p>[ November 19, 2001: Message edited by: ronnb ]</p>

I really hate how everything has turned out for the last 6 months. It is really hard for me to forgive my wife for what she did to this family. I now I will not heal until I do forgive her 100%.<p>I have thought about this all last night. She has made everything about as complicated and stressful as I can imagine. And that makes it hard to forgive her when I look into my 10 year olds eyes and think she has not seen mom for 5 months. She will have thanksgiving without mom or her sister. <p>It not like normal separations I just can not get in the car and see my other daughter and take both to the park or a movie or dinner.<p>I know I have to turn this around in my head ASAP.
But the damage is still fresh in my heart. I thought I would be further down the road then I am now. <p>So I guess the damage is greater then I thought. I am a tuff person I have been though a lot. But this is like icing on the cake. I buy my wife a house for our family and she shoves it up my butt and walks away.<p>So I feel betrayed by my best friend. And I feel she abandoned our daughter. And that is not right to do that to children.<p>So I guess this Road is all up hill for some time to come.<p>Thanks all.

Rpnn, you need help!<p>Are you man enough to admit it and do something about it?

cinderella
So do you dear.<p>Why not fix men that are not broken.
cinderella That glass slipper may just
GET stuck up your butt.<p>I WILL ASK RANDI WHAT SHE FEELS.<p>[ November 20, 2001: Message edited by: ronnb ]</p>

ronn,<p>I don't know if I've ever written to you, but I've read a bit of your writings.<p>Today, this jumped out at me, and I'd like to discuss it with you. <p>You said: <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I remember how she would yell at me on Saturdays because after a 65 to 70 hour week
at work I would just take the motorcycle out for a 2 hour ride into the mountains to relax. I would hear after that you would rather be by yourself then take me with you. 90% of the time I was home by 10am to start dinner.
<hr></blockquote><p>I don't think you realize that your wife was reaching out to you here -- I know, I know, she was yelling, that isn't good. But ronn, she was away from you for 65 to 70 hours a week, and then you left for two hours to "relax" but couldn't take her with you? She was CRYING OUT TO YOU... can you see it when it's written here?

Yes but it is too late. <p>I also cryed out to her many times but I felt alone.
So now I still am.<p>She was CRYING OUT TO YOU... can you see it when it's written here?

Ronn - I resent your attitude. I acknowledge that you are dealing with a lot of challenges, however I'm not sure Randi needs to live in the presence of your anger, denial, and pain. I stand by my statements that you need professional help in dealing with your various traumas.

cinderella
I will put it on my list.<p>I will also ask Randi if I hurt her.<p>Give me a break So I am a worthless POS male.<p>P.S. most women think men need help we are broken i guess. Every time you pick up a phone or drive a car or go to mars it was us broken men that did that for you.<p>Like my dad said, if you can not get layed invent something.<p>[ November 20, 2001: Message edited by: ronnb ]</p>

Ron,
You aren't even making coherent sentences. People, including me, have posted serious replies to you and asked good questions. Your responses are just more rantings that go in a circle.
Its one thing to vent on this forum - we all do it from time to time and it helps. But, your posts are becoming a little scary.<p>I agree with Cindrella that you really need to seek some professional guidance. Are you able to do that?

Ronn - please rest assured that I didn't phrase my question in a way intended to hurt you. That's not my nature. I have only seldom spoken even to my xh in a way intended to hurt him - and then only when I knew he was likely to attack or had already done so. It's not my nature to be mean.<p>But sometimes you have to be blunt to get someone's attention. <p>And that was my goal.<p>I realize I am far from perfect but I also realize how much, when I was truly in pain and anger and distress, I needed my counselor. Heaven knows I even needed the psychiatrist I saw for my depression. I, too, have been so angry that all I could say concerning x was bitterness. And I, too, needed people and places where it was safe to vent.<p>But I do think you need someone to help you get your feelings back under control. To help you sort through it all and get back on track. And if you aren't working now but are seeking a job, I'm sure that your psychological state would carry over into your performance on an interview.<p>My only intent was to challenge you and to motivate you. You've been getting the same advice from lots of people and haven't indicated any desire to heed it. I just wanted to light a fire under you and motivate you. Maybe you need to look at is not so much as getting help for yourself to deal better personally with the situation. Maybe you need to look at is as getting advice to help you do a better job parenting Randi.