i know deep in my heart that h and i getting divorced is the best thing to do. i know it. but it hurts so much and i guess somewhere i still dream that he would wake up and realize all the pain he is causing and do a 360 but its not gonna happen. <p>last week he called and questioned me about the divorce papers. what the status is b/c i am the one getting the papers drawn i told him i would need $500 from him and that was it. we are not really speaking so i was expecting him to mail the money. i haven't rec'd anything. also he still has some stuff here shoes (he doesn't really wear some shirts and a bag of papers which looks like junk mail also his softball gear) he also questioned about this stuff last wk and i told him when i got a chance i would bring it to his mother's house (as i said i did not want him coming to this house) <p>i didn't see the urgent need for this stuff as he really doesn't use the stuff. i will try this wkend to bring it to his mothers so he can come get it and bring it to ow house where he is currently living. <p>also on the message he left today he said to let him know how much money he needed to give me so we could get the ball rolling with the divorce. he is just living it up with ow and it doesn't seem to affect him. <p>he said he meant to email me but forgot and so he calls and leaves messages on home answering machine when he knows i am not home yet. he also said to tel our daughter he was thinking about her and loves her. why cant he call her and tell her himself. he hasn't seen her since 2 days before her bday which was nov.22 and he hasn't even spoken to her he calls and leaves messages from time to time when he could call her and reach her afterschool at his aunt's house. and all he could say is he will see her soon but never when <p>he is so wrapped up in ow he makes no time for his child or anything else for the matter.<p>i know this is best but it hurts to see he doesn't even want to consider trying to work out our marriage. i am going crazy as this is our first yr not together for the holidays and he seems sooo happy that he is with other woman and living it up. <p>why do they have to be so stupid i am in no shape to talk to him and i don't even email him i am so hurt and its been 11months. we were together 10 yrs and i am really hurt by his actions althoughthis is not the first affair <p>why are ws so dum i am really a good person and i am not saying ow isn't don't know don't care but why would you leave your family and be in such a rush to get divorced?<p>pls respond i know no one can answer this but i would like some words from wise individuals.
i was feeling ok until he left that message today. i am so hurt that even his voice makes me sad and cry boy i got it bad and it kills me to know he is so happy at a time like this. <p>see ya soon my daughter is watching a charlie brown christmas and even that is making me want to cry

just wanted to bump myself up as no one has responded

Left alone:
YOu have my sympathy for your pain.<p>Why is he avoiding you you ask? Because of the guilt and the shame, it is easier to avoide you than to deal with the mess he left behind.<p>Why can he not tell his daughter he loves her himself, same reason. If he calls her than she may cry etc and he will have to deal with that.<p>You say he is living it up with the OW, I ask why he feels the need to call you and ask for stuff he doesn't use.<p>I also question how badly he wants a divorce, all he has to do is send the money and He is not doing that, no real rush to end his marriage?<p>You say this is not his first affair, how many is it? Did you do counselling, etc? <p>You need to make your own christmas this year and make it special. Invite him over for dinner or to open gifts etc. Create nice family times for the three of you. Do not berate him or argue with him when he is there, just be cool and polite.<p>You need to start working on you, and stop waiting for him. And if you don't want a divorce don't file for one. Wait and see what happens./<p>I doubt he is all that happy with OW - probably just stuck there now. Made his bed must lie in it you know. <p>Read this site and do plan A.<p>Good luck to you!

Left Alone,<p>I agree with Mrsaxxeman. Your H is so ashamed and guilt-ridden over the chaos that he has caused you, that he can't even face you.<p>You are not dumb. All of of have been fools for love at one point in our lives or another. This is just your time. However, you don't have to continue to be putting up with your H's behavior. He is "living it up" with the other woman because the "real" him hasn't completely come out yet. Of course he is having a ball-- that's only because she is someone new. As time goes on, she will get to see how your H is and she will be in the same boat that you were in. However, she won't be smart enough to get out of it like you were. You are moving on; the OW is getting your "leftovers". <p>Your H is dragging his feet witht he divorce. I bet that he's telling the OW that you are the one dragging your feet for the divorce. I'm certain of this. The OW is now pressing him hard to obtain the divorce and he's giving her every excuse of why he hasn't yet. I bet she doesn't know that all your H needs to do is to come drop off the money so the divorce proceedings can start. He has given her some story to stall her from questioning him about it.<p>Keep your head up. Everything will be fine. God makes a way out of no way.
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just wanted to bump myself up