Its been over a year since X-H walked out and 7 months since the divorce. But at times I miss him and our relationship. No anger , thats gone, forgave him, went thru the whole grieve cycle but I still miss him at times. His mom starting emailing me again. Why? Its hard not to ask her what is going on. Is he happy? Does he love OW-His new wife? Are they a happy couple? SOmetimes I wish a cowboy or a knight and shining armor would come along and rescue me from the pain but I know that it would not be healthy. I like posting here again because everyone knows what I am talking about. Its hard talking to people who are married or have someone. A good friend of mine announced his engagement yesterday-everyone was happy-I felt like crying.....

I sort of know how you feel. I'm in the middle of losing my wife and I don't think I can ever forget her. One of my bad habits is that I never stop loving the people I once loved. Eventhough, we are still married I'm scared that I will never stop having feeling for her. Everyone just tells me to hang in there and it will go away! I just wish it was that easy.

((((WD))))))<p>I know how you feel. I've been divorced 9 months now and I do still miss my exh. My ex is still with ow who lives in another country. However I still have the anger... up and down... then angry... I hate it. The hardest thing I'm working on is letting him go. I still think at times... well, like he's gonna wake up and come back. I don't know whats wrong with me. I need to get in touch with reality.... jsut so hard to believe that he turned on a dime and was gone.<p>So now I just go to counselling(sp) and try and work at this stuff. Easier said than done.<p>I know its hard not to ask allllll the questions. Just know the less we know the better. of course, if we found out things were not so hot in their new relationships, we would be quite happy !! ;-)<p>Keep your chin up... I too wish for the knight in shining armour... I've dated several times... but nothing seems real... I'll say to myself.... what the heck am I doing here... this wasn't suppose to be. To me it jsut seems to be that they go on happy and never look back.<p>Thank goodness I have my therapy appt......<p>Blessings,
s

Hi White Dove-<p>I don't have much advice, yet I think everyone can relate to what you are feeling. I will be divorced in a month and even though I know that it for now is for the best, I too still miss him at times. I think it is normal. He was a very significant part of your life. Rational people just don't forget that. <p>I can also relate to the contact with his mom. My STBX's mom is very upset with her son's actions. She calls a lot and wants me to come over and do things. She says that just because I am divorcing him that she hopes I am not divorcing the rest of the family. I'm not, but with everything so fresh it is very difficult. I mean how do you go to their family and act like everything is just like it used to be when it's not.<p>Hang in there. All of this is a process. There will be ups and downs, but we've made it this far haven't we?

I like many of you all can relate. Its hard to stop oving someone, and difficult to understand why it can seem easy for our spouse to do so. I have to believe that the wayward spouse, still does love us in a hidden way. It seems like they just had to substitute us with someone else, in order to move forward. NOt a healthy choice,bbut for the most part we know they are not making good decisions. I once read a book that is called, LOVE IS A CHOICE. Is it really? Then you know what i guess i would still choose to love him, but i also must choose to love myself. Think thats what we need to do. Easier said than done, but to love ourselves, even half as much as we can love others. Think back to some other people that were in your life, an boyfriend from highschool, that perhaps we thought we would die without their love, well we are still here. We will get past this. It may be the toughest thing we have ever faced, but we can do it. WE CAN DO IT!!!! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi White Dove,<p>Boy, I can really relate. For me it's been over 2 years since D-Day and my divorce isn't even filed yet. He hasn't lived with me for 2 years.<p>At times I miss him...I really do. I still love him at some level, but I could never trust him again...ever. I still don't fully understand what happened, but I've pretty much accepted it and moved thru the anger, pain, mourning for the marriage, etc.<p>What I've been feeling lately is lonely. Just pure and simple....lonely. I see our house and remember how things were. I was happy then even tho apparently he wasn't. I am happy now, but in a different way. I am doing okay alone....I can make it happen and it's okay.<p>I'm just lonely. Not for people...I have plenty of people in my life. I'm lonely for a partner. I never thought I'd feel this way, as I'm a pretty independent person. But I really loved being part of a marriage....a partnership...as skewed as it was at times.<p>I don't really know how to address that need. I'm not dating yet...the divorce isn't final. I don't even look forward to dating. I just want a partner again.<p>I'm 45 and am starting to feel old and like the best of me was given during my marriage. It's hard to get enthusiastic for starting all over again. And the fact that there probably aren't the same number of choices out there that there were when I was in my 20's doesn't help. I just can't imagine feeling excited and loved by someone again, but I long for that.<p>Okay, reading over what I just wrote, I see that maybe I'll need to make another appt. with my counselor...I think I'm depressed about it all. And I've also come to realize that I don't fully trust God as much as I used to. Seems like I WAS trusting Him and my H still left. <p>Sorry I don't have the answers....but I sure can relate. I'll say a prayer for you.<p>Aloha,
Ms.O<p>[ January 15, 2002: Message edited by: Ms.O ]</p>

Hi Dove,<p>You and I have very close to the same timeline.<p>H and I have been separated 20 mos, D for 7 mos. I feel just like you do about almost everything you said.<p>I miss him too, but not the evil him (post-A him)<p>I have also just heard from one of my in-laws, SIL. Before that they didn't contact me, nor I them.<p>When I email my SIL I want to ask so bad the same things you want to, but I would never in a million years.<p>Just thought you would like to know there is someone out here that feels like you do right this minute.<p>God Bless,
Jo

I too know how you are feeling. I don't miss the H I saw this last year, the one who had an affair and put me through hell. I miss the H I married, the one who loved me, the one I loved. I miss the idea of a H, the idea of someone loving me. I miss being held, I miss someone to talk my day over with, and I miss someone who delights in my children, like I do. <p>I sometimes think I am owed some amazingly special, romantic relationship because what I have gone through in the last year. I would love to fall in love and be loved back. But I am scared to even hope for this, as I am used to disappointments lately. I will trust God and hope his plan and mine are the same, but just try to enjoy each day now, so I'm not just waiting around for something that may never happen. Where are those darn white knights, anyway?!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Who Am I Now (Krista)

WAIN...<p>I can totally relate to your post. The paragraph describes exactly what I've told my therapist.<p>What I think about now is.... if they did come back... is it tooo late?? I mean they have so many memoties with the other person now...<p>I heard a quote not long ago that has helped me in many ways....<p>"I would rather have him with her thinking of me, than him with me thinking of her"<p>Where are those knights in shining armour... I keep looking, but I'm not finding any!!!<p>Blessings,
s

Thank you so much for all of your posts-its good to know that I am not alone at times. Today I am better-I want no one but my dogs and friends. Thats a nice feeling...... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I guess we all have our days [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

WD,<p>I'm glad you're feeling better today. We allllll have those days. Some days you can just go skipping along and the out of nowhere the sadness and the tears. <p>I'm kind of excited... I start a divorce support group tomorrow. I have searched and searched. I'm hoping to gain somemore insight in to this process.<p>I emailed a friend of mine. She has gone through this exact same thing. I told her how I want off of this rollercoaster ride... whe said we can't get off until it stops... lets us off. Hummmm<p>
Keep your chin up and walk tall and proud. <p>s

Geez can I relate:<p>I miss my x-wife something terrible [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] but my aim is getting better [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Dove, my wife told me on Oct. 22 she wanted out of our marriage. What a shock! I immedietly called her mother and asked her if she knew anything about this, she said no, but she did notice several changes in her daughter's behavior before everything was revealed. My mother in-law and I eventually started to talk more than we ever did and tried to figure out how we could fix the situation. We talked on the phone frequently and prayed for each other and the marriage. My wife brought her new boyfriend to our son's Christmas program at church, and I asked the mom in-law how she could allow my wife to bring the OM to her house and not feel greatly convicted for it. She stormed out of the lobby of the church. Since that day, we have had contact again and are on speaking terms. I want nothing more than to step off this rollercoaster and forget about it. Not going to happen. I still miss my wife even after all that she has done. She lives in our house with the OM. My aim is not getting any better. I miss her more with every lonely day that passes. I had a date last night and for the first time in months, I felt human, it was good to laugh with someone. I wish I would wake up next to my wife again and shake this bad dream out of my mind, maybe then I would be able to "meet all of her emotional needs" and we could get back into this most sacred covenant we call marriage. I know what I lost. I miss what I had. I wish, I wish, I wish. I would love to find that "Princess" I would love to be a knight in shining armor again. I feel more like Shrek. Every one has told me I was too good to her, is that possible?
This may not be the right room to post this, but I felt that I needed to vent. Thanks.
May God grant us peace.