Ladies;
All us men are not like that.When My wife left me I stayed away as far as possible from her and kept my location and phone number a secret.If you read one of my thread just recently you'll understand why. I also understand what you are going through because I see it happening to my GF and her EX.Here in Canada the laws are funny about some things.Right now he is on a power trip with her and she seems to be not willing to stand up for herself.He has rights,he has rights that all I hear from her.If you haven't read some of my threats I'll give you the reader's digest version.
Ever since they split up he has been a pain in the you know what. He comes over anytime he feels like it,takes his own daughter out, ignors the other two. He plucks himself on the couch and basically says here I am. He has a copy of the key to her car takes it when ever he feels like it. Shows up at bowling,disrupts the young daughter's game,shows up at soccer. He once followed us around for awhile but I put a stop to that. One day we went to the mall and he followed us like he has before. What I did was I went into the mall with the GF and headed straight for the coffee shop and bought a large coffee. I proceeded to go out of the mall and walked up to his car. I rapped on his window and when he lowered it I gave him the coffee. Here I said you might as well have this we are going to be awhile. You could just hear the air coming out of his balloon. He stopped after that.
He has a couple of freinds that live in the neighbourhood that he seems to visit quite offen(spying more like it)
How do I convince her she has rights. For example the Firebird is in her name but according to law he has the right to use it until it is settled but I know also she can do something about that.He has some kind of leverage on her and makes her feel powerless.
He'll file to take half of my furnture, he'll file to take my car from me, he'll get file and get cousity of our daughter on and on and on.
I say hog wash first of all unless they can prove that you are an unfit mother they will not take her from you, as for your furniture I don't think a judge will take it away from a mother and three kids, as for the car well maybe or maybe not but I was her I would let a judge decide that so don't give up. If he does file my statigety would be I would file of alamoney saying that if you take the car or the furniture or both I have to come up with the money some how to replace them . I'll drop the alamoney if you drop the other things.
All she wants is child support and cousity and to be left alone. He'll get vistiation rights and somethingelse if he is a good boy.
What do you say ladies? I'm I wrong? Anyways I hear you but from a different prospective.
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<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: Bunny ]</p>

Hi
She has a lawyer but has not been doing much for her so she in the process of switching. I feel she is listening to advice but is not telling her lawyer what she wants done. A lawyer is your employee hired to do a job for a fee. I feel she is not walking in and saying I'm in this thing to keep my things and this is what I want done.
Also she starts a new job tomorrow and I hope he doesn't find out or he might cause problems and make her lose her job<p>231 [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

HI Chris,
Back to Chris ladies..... <p> I'm so sorry for what you must be feeling right now old friend... Look for the other side I KNOW you know where to look.
I'll be praying for you as always. FRANK<p>[ January 20, 2002: Message edited by: PLEASE HELP ]</p>

To the person who deleted the post. I am soo sooo sorry you are going through this.<p>ANNA

Anna,<p>I think you handled that with class..and contacting him through your lawyer is a great idea..And remember..He can't control you..just as
you can't control him..but you can set up those
boundries.. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>
tmmx:<p>I think if the medicine is something they take frequently..like for alegeries and such..get some for your house and get some kids medicines like tylenol and advil and keep it on hand there..for when they are w/ you..that way you don't have to worry about going into the house..and it shows your responsibility as a father..and if they have medicines like antibotics when they are sick..and they forget it..then you can call her first..and if you can't reach her..then allow your son to go get it himself..and you wait outside..that way your not accused of anything..<p>My son has asthema..and his dad thinks "I" should make sure he has medicine at his apartment for son..thinks I should be the one to call the dr and get a prescription for him to have it at his house...I have it here at the home and I have it at the school for him..and I'll send it w/ son if he has a cold (since thats when he usually has an attack) but stbx doesn't always send things back home w/ the kids when they are w/ him..so I don't like doing that..and I also feel that he's an adult and can call the dr himself to get a prescription to keep at his own house..<p>
My son is also in scouts..and he leaves his uniform at his dad's because thats something
dad has been doing w/ him..but, there are times like now..when he's gone or working and can't take him..so I bought a uniform for him to leave at home for those times..when dad can't take him..
that I can..and he's prepared to go..I also bought another scout book to keep here (since he lives here and is only with dad a few times month) that I can work w/ him on his scout things..

Just a heads up-before I got smart and took away my Ex's keys he let OW in the house and she took some things of mine. A week later (a week too late) I took his keys away. Luckily---luckily I say, I started locking the front glass storm door along with the windows. I found out H's "sweet" mom(she knows the rules because she works for his lawyer!!! but still was a b****) gave him the spare key to the front door but he could not get in because I locked the storm door. Little did he know that he had no right to remove any items from the house until we actually went to court. Him and OW also opened my mail and went thru it. Thus, I had to change bank account stuff. He threatened to turn off the utilities (this is ALL while we were still married) if I did not get them in my name. Yes, he also got a butt spanking in court for his and OW's little antics and notes to me. NOW, A year later my life is finally peaceful which I can also say his is not!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ January 21, 2002: Message edited by: White Dove ]</p>

Hi Anna
Guess what? My GF EX and your's must be the same man. Yesterday when her sister, her and all the kids where at church Mr Doehead got in the house cleaned it, and did the washing. He was still there when she got home. He said he did it for his own daughter but we both think he was in snooping. He has been telling people in the co-op that he is living there hence the doubling of her rent. I showed up in the middle of it cause I was working on our vehicals and was in the process of exchanging them. He threatened to tell me that he was living there but I know the truth and when she said go ahead there he is, go tell him he backed down.Like control freak or what? But all in all she called me later to tell me she was alright and had the cops ask him to leave. We went out later with the kids and forgot the earlier events and had a good time.<p>231

GASLIGHT<p>Is an old movie starring Ingrid Bergman and Joseph Cotten. Bergman is married to a man who successfully convinces her and everyone who knows her that she is losing her mind and will end up dying in an asylum as her mother did. He isolates her from everybody. She truly doubts her senses and her sanity.<p>I mention it because so many of our spouses accuse us of needing shrinks, of being bad, manipulative, selfish. In our weaker moments, we wonder whether they are right.

Thanks all for your comments and kind words!<p>Rosita,
I hope you are taking percautions. Your stbx is not very stable especially right now. As pointed out to me by SNL, this time during separation is the usually the most dangerous time there is for us.<p>Jan,<p>Good points about the threats...I sent all the emails to my attorney, she was very concerned after reading them, and sent an email to his lawyer telling him about the emails and the backyard incident and told him to basically control his client before this gets out of hand...<p>Princess, <p>Thanks for the comments, I hope you find away to keep the property. BTW, on another thread I heard about your blessings of moving to a much larger home. SOOOO COOL!<p>231,<p>It's nice to be reassured that not all men are nuts. hehe. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Also, what a funny, but weird story about your g/f's ex breaking in and cleaning the house...I keep balancing...privacy....but clean house....privacy....but free maid service...privacy....but CLEAN HOUSE! Ohhh that is a tough one! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] BTW, my stbx and your g/f's ex could not be the same, because mine is too helpless to know how to clean. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Please help,<p>Hi ya! I'm trying to figure out who Chris is but so far noooo clue! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>TR,<p>Thank you for always being such a good friend!<p>White dove (love the name BTW),<p>My stbx told me I needed to get the electricity put over in my name, and when I did he screamed at me and said, "You have no right doing this without my permission!" Sheesh!<p>
Bellavue,<p>I saw that movie, it was a very good movie. I hear what you are saying they want us to think we are nuts. A friend of mine said, "STBX is calling you a liar and trying to make you think you are emotionally disturbed because he is, and he wants you to be on his level." Now, that made perfect sense!<p>Take care and thanks again all!<p>ANNA<p>P.S.<p>Jacky, you were right, I was wrrrrrongggg! He did send back a letter! Sheesh!

Well, don't feel too bad about that Anna......sometimes when we are in the midst of things, the path isn't always clear. Take a look at my H right now........calling at a different time than usual so I will answer, and he has made it CLEar that HE doesn't want me...........so now I can't even answer my own phone if I want to keep to my Plan B.<p>They are the ones with the loony minds, not us........

Anna,<p>There is a post in the EN section on "What is Control"..I posted a list from the domestic abuse intervention project..from their DV wheel..on Power & Control...with the definitions..<p>You mentioned you had the electric switched over to your name..and he got mad..you know..since I had my home before I was married all of the bills were in my name..he got mad that I didn't transfer them over to his name after we married..when we went w/ him on one of his jobs for a year..I'd gotten a PO box, and had the mail forwarded there
and my sister checked it and sent it to us..it was easier than having everything forwarded to there when we were just going to be there a short time..
He got MAD and accused me of getting the PO box so that I could get letters from "other men" and hide them from him..(if I wanted to get letters from Other men, with as often as he was home..I didn't NEED a PO BOX TO DO THAT!!!)He had full access to the PO BOX..his mail went to the PO BOX..I gave him a key, HIS NAME WAS ON THE BOX..But..I got it because I wanted to Hide things from him..go figure-- [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I kinda laugh now but at the same time get sad..that he got mad at 'me' because Easter Seals sent their yearly address labels and only had my name on them..they didn't say 'Mrs. his name', they didn't say 'Mr. & Mrs.', just had my name..He got ANGRY that I used them..and he threw them away..and said 'you use them because YOU don't
want to be married' I am still flaberghasted by that one..I mean it's not like they had my maiden
name or even my previous married name..but, hey he thought I ordered them..and no amount of explaining that THEY JUST SENT THEM..so that ppl would order them and they would make money..did anything to ease his mind..(he even brought these two things up to the counselor the one and only time we went together..and he wonder's WHY she asked him to come back alone) In many ways I hurt for him..ya know..that he thinks this way..<p>I guess looking back at these things..I feel stupid..I hadn't done anything wrong..and yet..
he tried to make it like I had and was doing something wrong..and I started questioning everything I did..Like I was the crazy one..<p>It's just so amazing to me that so MANY men are the same..and so many of us women put up w/ it..
in order to be/feel loved..and it's not how God intended it to be..

TR,<p>I'll have to read that thread, and the Easter Seals thing is just hillarious in it's own "stupid idiot for thinking that" way. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ANNA

TR and Anna<p>Not all men are boneheads(though sometimes I even wonder about myself). The best thing I do with the GF is trust her and let her be boss. But she always consults with me as a partner, a little POJA working here. When we do get married I trust her to get things in her married name(her own first name then my last name). Besides I quite comfortable letting her run things(Does it very well I might add). I don't let my imagination run away with me and think stupid things. We are quite happy now.
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