Need some advice regarding my ex's and I inability to discuss our daughter without getting into an argument. I'm thinking of having a third party, like a counselor, there when we talk about where our daughter should attend 1st grade, in my district or my ex's district.<p>For some history, the last time we talked about where our daughter should go, all it had to do was summer camp. My ex signed her up for a very busy summer camp, which I agreed to at first, but then I changed my mind because I felt it was too much for a then-4yo to go through. My ex started yelling at me in front of our daughter, and I then realized the only way to avoid this was to agree to anything my ex said.<p>Now, this is going to be a much bigger issue than summer camp, and I don't trust my ex to discuss this in a rational way unless I agree to everything.<p>Is having a counselor in the room when we discuss this the way to go? Should it be a marriage counselor? Any other suggestions? Thanks!<p>I'm the father, and we have joint physical and legal custody. My daughter told me tonight that my ex told her that she didn't want her to go to the school in my area. Not sure that's a bad thing for her to have said, but it's sure not something I would have said.

Is one school better than the other?<p>Or are they pretty much the same? <p>Is she in K now? <p>Is it a private K or is it a grade school where
they have 1st grade also? If it's a grade school
then why change her schools and move her away from
her friends if you don't have to?<p>I realize my kids are older and have been at the same school for years..so that was something the courts took into consideration..but your D being so young..they may not do anything..<p>
Maybe get information on both schools, talk to the teachers, look at the state ratings of the schools..and see which has the best tools available for your daughter..

"Her" school has a little bit better standardized test scores than "my" school ("hers" are around 900, "mine" around 850 for the STAR). That's the vast majority either of us know about both schools. I have meetings set up with principals of both schools, and X has not had meetings or visited either school. I think my daughter would do fine at either school, though she does casually know a couple of kids who already attend "my" school. She attends private kindergarten now, so either school would be a transition for her.<p>The point of my post isn't so much the evaluation of schools, it's the discussion with X. She hasn't even visited the schools, and she has already made up her mind. I know regardless of what I find in my meetings, any disagreement from me is going to be the start of yelling from her.<p>I want all three of us to be happy with the final decision, and I want the decision making process to be as rational as possible. How do I best achieve this?<p>[ January 23, 2002: Message edited by: trying2bme ]</p>

Why does this happen?!? <p>I have the same problem with my STBX. I do all this research, talk to counselors etc. about child issues and then when I present them he says that the children don't apply to studies or that the counselors don't know what they are talking about etc. and that only "he" knows what is right and I can't change his mind. <p>I am thinking about buying a book about how to deal with a difficult EX. Those books are out there. <p>I have offered to discuss these issues with a thrid party - even of his choosing, but to no avail. In my opinion, the 3rd party is the best route, along with presenting your research, because then the ex is not getting the info. from a neutral party, not someone whom they have any animosity toward. The Ex also may not feel comfortable with giving the line of "I just want this no matter what" to you in front of someone else because then they look selfish and controlling.<p>Any counselor would be happy to provide this service, but you can also find a relative or friend that you both trust.<p>Many people undergo counseling after a divorce, just to learn how to communicate with each other because these issues will surface for the rest our lives.<p>So suggestions are - find some books on how to deal with Ex and use 3rd party. Good Luck. K