I really need some advice and encouragement. Maybe from someone who's been here. Anyway, my wife of 6 years has decided that she is no longer in love with me. She has made up her mind that she wants a divorce. We also have two precious daughters, 4 & 2, for whom I would do anything. My wife says I am a wonderful father, nice guy, blah, blah, blah. She just doesn't feel anything for me anymore. She says she's not sure if it wasn't like that from the start.<P>Now I know that no matter what, we are turning our kids' lives upside down (Not to mention our own) Anyway, I just want my family back. I feel so helpless and hopeless. <P>Doug

Hi Doug - I got the same speech. Sorry to say but in my limited experience (mostly personal and reading the notes here) this bizarre behavior/attitude change -- if it comes out of the blue -- usually signals a 3rd party.<P>In my instance it did involve a third party and my wife became a totally different person and avoided all people and responsibilities.<P>If I had the last three months to do over again, I would have hired a private investigator to document the goings on, went to an attorney to discuss custody issues and then talked with my wife about what she wanted to do.<P>As it turned out I spent six months fuming and then when the divorce papers started going it was too late to get an investigator.<P>Believe me though, if it does turn out to be an affair, some people deny it to the bitter end. I think they are in self denial too...<P>P

Doug<BR>I am getting ready to tell my husband I want a divorce. I am not having an affair. I am just upset at being so depressed for so long. No matter what I do he is not happy.<BR>He never thinks of me, unless it is convenient for him (like we are all at the mall holiday shopping and I say I like something, he will buy it, however it better be inexpensive.) He will never take time away from his personal schedule to reach out to me. <BR>I don't think a woman who feels surrounded by care and love and affection to both her and her children, would look for another man.<BR>Are you really caring for her, even when it is totally inconvenient for you?<BR>

Anna62,<P>That sounds remarkably like my own situation. Although I would buy her anything, expensive or not, I did not respect her feelings and opinions either. She also thinks that i was not happy. I simply had dreams for our family that unfortunately, I pursued without her support. Therefore, she though that I didn't care about her. This is so off-track, but she has already made up her mind and several of our friends have tried talking to her. She even has a contract on a townhome! <P>There is hope however! If you have not filed for divorce yet - Reconcile! Talk to him. Tell him how you feel! Get into counseling! I have learned so much these past few weeks through self-exploration and reading and prayer. If I had known half of the stuff I've learned recently, we wouldn't be in this situation. So keep trying! I will pray that things will work out for you and yours. <P>And never, never give up! ( I know I won't!)<P>Doug

Well Idguard and PM987 I also had the same speech, I wish I had an investigator on the case too. I was only married for 12 months before my wife took off. She said she only married me cause she wanted to "Walk down the Isle" Wow that hit me so hard. I asked her if it was some-one else, she denied it emphatically. I then caught her a day later with another guy, walking arm in arm. Boy did that hit me. It was so far away too. Never expected to see her. Well my divorce will be through in a couple of months, settlemtn on the estate happened almost a year ago. She was so pissed with me that she didn't get half. She only got $20k and wanted $200k. In the past 12 months she has had 2 new relationships, I have not had one.<P>What you need to do is find out for yourself if there is another, and see if you can work though it. Divorce is never really the answer, but sometimes it is.<P>All the best.

I have heard the same story with my husband. I asked him if it was another woman and he said NO..he just wasn't happy. Well, it was OW and he left both me and my 2 small children. 8 years married and 14 years of friendship, he decided he is in love with this woman and would rather have me as just his friend. Devestating!!!! <P>Don't think all woman are like what your wives are. I am a very good person and have faithful to my husband for our entire relationship together. I would do anything to make him return and have tried. It isn't working. So...I am attempting to be his friend and hope he falls back in love with me and realizes the huge mistake he is making. And...lots of prayers I was told that he was going through a midlife crisis and suffering from depression. I would have never suspected - he is only 29 and has always been easy going and happy. Or so I thought. <P><BR>Kristy