I am so tired of mixed messages. It's been "come-here-go-away" for almost 2 years now - since his mother was killed in a car accident 2 years ago this week - but worst of all for the past 6 months.<P>I am 46 years old. My husband turnd 44 a few days ago. We've been together 15 years.<P>My H left me in November. Moved back in Tuesday before Christmas. Told me the day after Christmas that he's not giving up his apartment, "just in case..."<P>Went shopping with me Tuesday to get stuff for "our" New Year's Eve Party. Told me the next day he has no intention of being there - he's leaving again New Year's Eve day. But he wanted to stay Thursday night to "help" me set up everything for the party. He was barely unpacked and is leaving again. If I ask why, he says he doesn't know - needs his space, wasn't really ready to come home yet, only came back because he was afraid he'd lose his chance to do so, tthought he was in love with me (again!) but he was wrong (again). <P>This is the third time I've let him back into my life. I really do love him and want him home, but enough is enough. How much pain can a human being take? I've cried more in the past six months than I have in my whole life. He doesn't seem to care, except he hates to feel guilty about it. <P>Now here's the kicker - he doesn't want to be here, but he wants to see me. (Like dating!) I told him, fine, but if we're just dating - that's all we're going to do - no sex. HE got angry, and said not to say that - he just wants to "take it as it comes" but I can't do this anymore. I can feel myself withdrawing from him, because he has rejected me so many times.<P>So I'm spending New Years Eve alone, with 5 other happy couples - no one to welcome the new year with, no one to kiss...<P>My heart is broken. I don't even know if I can be repaired this time. I just want to give up. I wish I DIDN't love him any more...<P>------------------<BR>Anne46<BR>