As previously posted....H left last week...took the kids out for lunch yesterday....cry every time I see him....he asked for a carving knife set he had...gave it too him pleasantly, he said thatnks I didnt say anything and he shrugged and left.<p>I couldnt sleep....wandering around the house like I am lost.......I just dont know what to do. I tried to read a novel..couldnt concentrate on that...wondering and terrified of what my life will be like without him...I dont think I have any memeories without him being part of them.
Kids are doing not bad....still a bit shocked..but youngest went to school...I let it be his call....whether he was ready or not...personally I think its best for him to get on with things.<p>It just hurts so much....I dont understand how men who for so many years are reliable , my best friend...and then BOOM this is what I get. <p>music used to be my one pleasure...listedned to all sorts...havenet turned a radio or cd on in ages....sounds stupid but every song I hear....reminds me of him....gosh I sound like a stupid teenager.
I just dont know what to do to make it stop hurting....dont want the kids to see me this bad either...then they will get worried.
Talked to my dr. today....he says its normal??? He was divorced...said it just takes time and he has no doublt that i will be fine???? doesnt feel like I will ever be fine again.<p>I did get dressed went out to the store...but thats the excitement of my day. People are telling me to do things I enjoy....honestly dont know what those are...the past 25 years have been with HIM....couple etc. I am not sure what I even like right now. Its an awful feeling.
Got a shift for work on THursday...so that will help....but thats two days away. Got to find something to do to take my mind off this.
Any suggestions...<p>Thanks for listening to me whine and complain.

You may want to read some of the posts I've bumped up like - Detachment with Love and the 12 steps.<p>Have you got a support system in place? Family, friends, counselor, priest, minister or God? It's ok to lean on these people now, and it's essential to getting through this. Look for some support groups in your comminity or church.<p>Exercise is always good - even a walk areounf the block - it works like an anitdepressant.<p>There are some books suggestions on a post that's entitled something like - need book suggestions - it has some links(keep scrolling down) to a bunch of helpful reading material. <p>Rebuilding is a good book, and so is Learning to Let Go by Melanie Beattie. Sometimes your church will also have suggestions for books.<p>You may just need to sleep and pray and cry for awhile too, and that's ok.<p>You could also take a nice long bath, and paint your nails. <p>Some people reorganize their house.<p>Just some suggesitons that have been passed around. It's ok to go through all of these feelings. I know it hurts really bad now, but it will get better! K

Kathy,
I don't have any words of wisdom, but I understand exactly how you feel. It seems as if nothing will ever be remotely normal again. One thing I found helpful in those first few horrible days was this:
Don't look too far in the future. Don't worry about what is going to happen next week or certainly not next month. Just take the next few minutes. The fact that you are picking up shift on Thursday is good, but I wouldn't think much past that.
Take a walk, read a cookbook (I found comfort in planning and cooking stuff even though I couldn't bear to eat anything), keep the TV on if just for the sound of voices. Call a friend, have a manicure, get a haircut.. anything where someone else is doing about you.
You cannot imagine it, but each day it will get a little better. Keep posting.

HI,
i know the feeling, it hurts terrible. i was married 10yrs agoand still am, and have lived with lies deciet, dis honestey, ect. this was not my first marrigei have been in. after my first divorce i found myself LOST felt like i was loosing my mind everything u was saying was happening to me as well. but u know what it does get eaiser as each day goes on. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] i a'm not gonna say u will forget him for i think any husband that you truly love the memory will allways be there. but by reading books allways staying as busy as u can will certionly help you. and PRAY!!!! i a'm sorry that i really coulden't help u much more than what i did. but please keep us up dated on how u are doing. Cathy

Cathy...only suggestion i have is maybe get divore remedy...its a great book with ideas to turn you relationship around. At least try to anyhow...
If you have been living like this for 10 years...its time to make some changes...I am terrified of the unknown as well think we are all...but could the unknown be worse than what your living with now....at least alone you would have your self esteem back....and not be lied to.
maybe he treats you like this simply because he can. By putting up with it..the message you give him is its ok, to lie and deceive me and ITS NOT OK. You deserve much much better.
I deserve better than what I am going through too...but, for now I just have to go through the pain and uncertainty, with faith that i will make it to the other side eventurally.
take care
Kathy

Keep it together in front of the kids, not that you can't let them know you are hurting, but moderate because they will take their cues from you. Last thing you want them to think is that the world is coming to an end (even though it feels that way). Pamper yourself a little, get a manicure or give yourself one, this may not seem like the answer to your life being totally devistated, but the little things one by one are what is going to help you keep your sanity. Pay attention to the kids, put yourself away for a day or two till you can look at things without totally caving. Play monopoly or sorry or mile bornes, anything to keep all y'all busy or keep your minds off things for a minute. OK, gotta run, the 3 year old just told me a silver bead from my necklace just sneaked into her tummy. Lovely. Life goes on honey, it will take time, but life goes on.

KAthyC
I am so sorry for your pain....I was married just shy of 20 yrs when my H left. We were going to go on a trip to LAs VEgas.....he took the OW instead. Anyway....I have been on terrible roller coaster ride lately. I have had many "good" weeks in a row. This does not mean that I don't think about him a ton of times a day.....and before I go to bed at night, I say a prayer that he will come home.....and I always hope that he has his health....and a really crummy new relationship! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
I have found that setting short term goals works best. Something little.....Today I will walk the dog....something like that...or tonight I will make a big dinner for the kids. Everyone says....do things for yourself to make yourself feel better and stronger. It's
good but it is so hard to do. Just take small steps. I have found that I do feel better as the days go by but I do have setbacks.....and they are tough. Just keep plugging along....get through the days any way that you can. FOCUS on you and your kids. It's ok if they see you break down.....you just don't want to do it every minute! I have teenagers and they have been so great...they have become wonderful young men. Their father is missing out big time and I hope like heck he regrets it. I love him and would probably take the big dope back if he begged and begged and begged......but I also realize that this will not happen. <p>See a counselor....you will be fine.....stay strong.
MAx