Just found this forum after searching the web in an effort to find out if it is too late to save my marriage. I've been married to a wonderful woman for 10yrs. now and we've actually been together for 13yrs and we have two children. My problem is this, 6 months ago she told me she no longer loves me, needless to say I was crushed and confused. I've always made it a point to try and make her happy and I've always told her how much I love her not just with words but with many little deeds,(love notes, flowers, etc.) We've always had a great relationship, we've always enjoyed each other's company and we rarely fight even now. She says she doesn't know why she's feeling this way but she feels this irresistable urge to be on her own. She says she has never been by herself and she wants to see if she can do it. I'm trying to convince her that seperation is not the answer and have just recently gotten her to attend counseling with me but it doesn't seem to be helping, I think she has it in her head that the only solution is to leave. I love her with all my heart and tell her so. It breaks my heart when she doesn't reciprocate those feelings and I'm about at the end of my rope. She's 37 now and someone had suggested it might be mid-life crisis but I'm not so sure. Is it possible for a marriage to be brought back from the brink like this to it's former glory? Any insight or word from someone who has been there and how it turned out would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.<BR>

trust me I know those words are hared to hear, but if it helps any my H told me six months later he was wrong that he will always love me. not saying we are back together (yet) but I am wroking on it.<BR>keep your chin up and hold on<BR>Lesa<P>------------------<BR>"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and<BR> lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5<BR>Take care and God Bless.<P> LMS20ish@cs.com <p>[This message has been edited by LMS (edited January 22, 2000).]

I will be totally honest. In March 1999 my wife told me I repulsed her and that she did not love me. I thought I was a great husband. My wife had a difficult time with the children so I took a very active role and tried to give her as much help as possible. She seemed so detached from everything. I felt at you and posted in this forum. We began joint counseling. Which led to antidepressants for her and separate bi-weekly counseling for her also. while we learned a great deal, in our case two issues were key. the first was my wifes depression, and the second was that my wife felt as though I was controlling her life. In my desire to help her I had become the chief parent, decision maker, etc. Now we are extremely happy, and my wife loves me. I myself stayed in the relationship because I loved my boys so much. Now we have a relationship also. If you dont do well at this counselor get a different one. Good luck to you.

It's good to here some good news for a change thank you. My wife is actully attending another session with this counselor but she is going in there with the attitude that she can't be helped and the only way she will be happy is if she leaves, frankly I don't see the sense in it. She thinks she needs to prove to herself that she can do it, and yet she still expects me to take her back if she doesn't like being alone. My sense of pride seems to have trouble with that. Thanks for your input.

I can sympathize. I did the same thing to my H last summer. I had never been on my own and needed to prove to myself that I could take care of myself without depending on a man. <P>I spent 3 long, lonely months alone in another state taking care of my kids. It was very hard because I wanted to be with my H more then anything but I felt that as long as I had the need to be on my own, we wouldn't have a chance. <P>I proved to myself and everyone else that I could do it and after that time I was ready to work on my marriage. <P>Alot happened during that 3 months, but we were both ready when the summer was over.<P>It sounds like she just needs to prove to herself that she can do it. Once she has gotten on her own, she will have the time to think about you and how she truly feels without any other emotions clouding her choices. <P>If you've been together that long, it's doubtful that the love would just disappear. It may be that she just needs some time.

That's certainly very encouraging, but what if she likes being on her own? Does that mean divorce? And what kind of impact did that have on your own kids? Did your H stay in touch during that whole time, did you see him at all (date him,talk,etc.)? If so how did that make him feel? Was he really angry or resentful? And did you no longer feel any love for him? Sorry for all the questions, it's just that I don't understand her point of view and it seems, being there yourself, you do. Thanks alot, your insight is greatly appreciated.<p>[This message has been edited by Jax (edited January 28, 2000).]

Jax im in the same boat, except my wife does not want to be on her own, she says that we have done it my way so long and she does not love me anymore, and does not know if she can get it back because she has been trying, we have a mc appt friday hope it helps, but there is always hope

jax- i'm in the same boat also. my wife said in 5/99 that she had never been on her own and felt she had always been controlled first by her father then supposedly by me.said she still loved me but wasn't in love. we've been seperated ever since and she has been dating and we are pretty much headed straight for divorce. her idea. i thought our love was deep and she still says i'm in her heart but she can't seem to turn back i don't know if i'll ever know the real reason. now i feel i've been completely dumped on and am losing the feeling to even try to get back together(we've been married 16yrs 2 kids) let me know how your situation turns out. mine for months kept asking for more time and i've given it to her and have gotten no where.i wonder if she's taking this time to plot strategy with her lawyer.

Thanks for posts, I posted another topic not to long ago entitled Oh God she's leaving. My wife decided a few nights ago that she definitely has to leave in fact we've even put our house on the market because we're in a situation that neither one of us can afford the house alone. She said she won't leave until the house is sold, so I guess I still have that time to change her mind. What I don't get is if she is so sure she wants to be on her own why is she still attending sessions with the counselor, she has another one today as do I but at seperate times. The counselor told me that shes not letting her off the hook that easily so maybe there's still hope. My love for her is so deep that I can't give up until she walks out that door.

Just an update to all those reading these posts and who are mildly interested. My wife is firmly mind set that she is indeed leaving to pursue a life without me. She only talks about who gets what now and how we will split the time with our kids. I am a complete wreck and at times don't give a hoot about what she takes or leaves. She still hasn't asked for a divorce, but after a few months on her own I don't believe that will be far behind. The house still hasn't sold yet, may take some time to do so and in the mean time she's still seeing a counselor presently. However that may change soon too. I've asked her to go until the house sells so that at least it may shed some light on why she doesn't love me anymore or why she feels the strong urge to leave, as of yet she still can't answer those questions all she says is "I don't know". Thanks to all who have given me their support, that and my kids are about all I have right now to keep me sane.