I posted to this forum a few days ago under Is it too late? I received many favorable answers and suggestions to which I am grateful, however, even with my wife going to counseling she told me last night that as soon as our house is sold she is going to go on her own. She told me again that she no longer loves me but she still cares about me. She's having extreme feelings of guilt about her decision and what it's going to do to our kids and to me, but she feels that if she doesn't do this then she may always wonder what it would be like and that she will never be happy if she doesn't try. <BR>THIS IS TEARING ME APART!! I'm so frustrated , I love this woman so much and I don't understand her reasons. To me all her reasons for leaving seem purely selfish. She says she's still going to go to the counselor for a while longer but that her mind is set. I don't know if I should even take that as a sign of hope anymore. She also asked me if while we were separated if she could still date me when she gets lonely, I feel that if she wants to be alone then she should be alone, I see that as just a way of having your cake and eating it to. Correct me if I'm wrong but I also believe that situation would make things worse for me by giving me false hope and grasping at straws. I've still got whatever time it takes to sell our house, she won't leave till that's done so I don't know if I should continue trying to talk to her or just let the counselor handle everything. Thanks to all reading this for letting me vent. Jax

If you are a christian, there are some great websites out there for "standers" who believe that marriage is a covenant and is until death do you part. I am a stander myself. My wife told me she wanted a divorce 6 weeks ago. Our divorce was final on 1/25/00. I went through, am still going through, the same feelings you expressed. However, I believe God will heal our marriage because with God, NOTHING is impossible! There is so much support out there for standers. The following websites will get you started:<BR> <A HREF="http://www.rejoiceministries.org" TARGET=_blank>www.rejoiceministries.org</A> <A HREF="http://www.marktwain.net/~christie/" TARGET=_blank>www.marktwain.net/~christie/</A> <A HREF="http://www.restorem.org/" TARGET=_blank>www.restorem.org/</A> <P>These will get you started and there are other links within these. Please feel free to email me if you have any questions at ldguard@quixnet.net.<P>God bless you.<P>Doug

May I ask how old your wife is? That may not matter, but I am 21 and married with a 2 year old son. Exactly a year ago, I left my husband(at the time he was not my husband)for another man. I was saying the exact same things she was. I felt really bad for my husband and my son, but I thought if I didn't do it I would never know. And that I would live the rest of my life in wonder and resentment towards my husband. I was also seeing a counselor at the time. Well, I ended up leaving the other man and going back to my husband and them marrying him. I can't say it is all turning out for the best but I can say it was something I had to do. And I would do it again, if faced with the same situation(minus the other man). If your wife doesn't know what she wants and she feels the only way to find it out is to leave...then that is what she has to do. You may get her back after all.

Beth,<BR>Thanks that's real encouraging, I've got to believe she'll be back but I'm afraid of what it might do to our kids. I mean my son is 15 so he should handle it a little better but my daughter is only 6. And if she says she no longer loves me why would coming back be any different later on, I mean will she still not love me or is it possible she loved me all along and just didn't realize it or maybe it's being overshadowed by something else. I've got to keep hoping she'll change her mind but I'm beginning to prepare for the worst. By the way she's 37, some suggested mid-life?

Actually, it could be any of those three. I said the same thing when I left. I told him I was not in love with him anymore. But, I was wrong. And hopefully she is too. In my case there was something overshadowing my love for him... another man who happened to be 36 yrs old. I was looking for a father figure I think, since my parents have been divorced since I was 2. Now, she may be older and know better in that aspect. But, like you suggested, it could be that time in her life where she starts to question whether she wasted her time, and chose the right paths. My father told me that, that is something you do all your life(question and search for answers). He still does it today. But, that does not mean you should leave your family because you are having doubts about your life. He told me, I made a decision(having a baby and being committed to someone) and I should stick with it. And that is what I would suggest to her. But, I don't know how long the two of you had problems and whether or not you tried to work them out. I also don't know your relationship. But, I will say, She may say she fell out of love with you now, but she may be crawling back later(like I did). And if not, it was meant to be this way.<BR>GOOD LUCK!