These discussion forums were my lifeline a few years ago--"pre-divorce." The separation is long past; the divorce papers have long been signed. I truly feel as though I have let go of my marriage and my former husband and moved on in a healthy, mature way.<p>But dating. Yikes. That's one arena in which I feel so unprepared and inept. Here I am on the verge of 35 years of age--and I feel like an adolescent! The uncertainty, the excitement, the nervousness, the raised hopes that are quickly dashed against the sheer cliff of frustration.<p>So I'm asking for some of you who have been back in the dating roulette for some time to share your experiences. How did you meet people? How did you hone your "requirements" for a prospective partner? How did you handle dating and single parenthood? And how did you determine whether "chemistry" is just a dangerous fantasy or the real thing?<p>I trust this website and hold immeasurable respect for Steve and the rest of the Harley family. Thank you for any insight you can provide.

I'm not far from your situation. However, I'm a little behind you. My separation started last August, and my divorce won't be final until this coming August.<p>I'm 31. Very little contact with the stbx. She wants to get back with me, and this complicates things where dating is concerned.<p>Nevertheless, I met an interesting person this weekend, and those adolescent-feeling feelings came about just like you. If anything, the encounter just brought the fact that I haven't flirted or asked anyone out on a date for 8 years, and I am RUSTY!<p>I'm also terrified by the way a new relationship could quickly complicate my life. I'm really not ready, I guess. But then again, I imagine it will be hard to discern between a reasonable time I need to recover, and an unreasonable fear of getting involved with someone.<p>sg

Thanks for taking the time to post a reply. I know what you mean by that rather schizophrenic dance of ready/not-ready. I suppose there comes a point where one must simply make a leap of faith that "it's time" or "this is the one." I'm still waiting for that guidebook to fall from the sky and clock me on the head...

You probably just answered your question yourself. Except it's no guidebook that falls out of the sky. It's that person you meet that bowls you over.<p>Just remember that love usually strikes when you're not looking for it.

"It's that person you meet that bowls you over.
Just remember that love usually strikes when you're not looking for it."<p>You are absolutely right on that score. I met that person last January. Neither one of us expected our meeting to be anything more than a chance to get out and talk. But WHAM! We weren't looking for love and we certainly weren't expecting to find it in each other, but there it was. I reached my decision point then and there and I jumped right in. He tried to for about 9 months, but was never quite able to put the source of our acquaintance behind: our exes left us for each other.<p>So now I find myself questioning whether that WHAM feeling is one that can be trusted or not. Is it a litmus test or merely trouble? All dates since have paled in comparison. And as much as I try, I can't seem to stop comparing.<p>Well, thank you for listening to my rambling. I hope that all goes well in your relationship.

2ndChance,
Well it's not exactly from the sky, but try reading the book "Mars & Venus On A DATE" by John Gray.
It talks a lot about some of the questions you have asked. <p>I started dating at the beginning of the year and it's turned out to be both good and bad. Right now I'm dating a truly wonderful guy BUT as with any relationship there are some issues.
I'm not out to find another husband, but then again I'm not out just to date once or twice either. I'm open to all the possibilities and if I do meet my Knight then more's the better.<p>ASM [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]