H came and did pick up kids for dinner today...posted earlier that he didnt show last night. <p>when he was here...he was NICE>...polite....asking about new fridge I got...he was a bit uncomfortable...i was VERY uncomfortable.......dont understand why is is being so nice...it makes it all harder for somereason...would be easier if he acted like a jerk around me....but he isnt. Asking me agian about new job, how do I like it etc.
told me about his new MADE TO ORDER FURNITURE...I was polite.....appeared to be interested.
now he just got back and is taking the dog and daughter for a walk. What gives here....I have given up even trying or wanting to....no point...too many mixed signals and I am just TOO darn tired of all this.
thanks for listening

ROFLOL I'm sorry, I don't mean to make light of your situation, but I've been sitting here thinking exactly the same thing tonight. I was getting how was work today (new, boring, low paying job), how long does your cell stay charged - here let me look it up for you, do you want to go out to eat with my parents when they come, let me go get the kid from driver's ed....<p>I think this is just all supposed to be a friendly arrangement, but I have missed the point somewhere along the way! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

You never know what is going on in their heads. Maybe they just feel guilty, maybe they just need a friend because they had a fight with OW.<p>Maybe Plan A is working or they see that you're moving on and it makes them afraid.<p>Alot of marriages that recover start with WS and BS becoming friends again, a no pressue relationship where they even talk about the OW.<p>So who knows. But it may change tomorrow so hang in there.<p>One word - rollercoaster.<p>K

Roller coaster is right! I have had a HUGE update post building for several days and just don't have the energy to get it out. But, a brief synopsis fits right in with this thread -<p>After our divorce became final a month ago, my xh has been the most caring, considerate and thoughtful person. He tells me all the time how gorgeous I look. He calls. He e-mails. He asks me to stay for dinner when we are exchanging the children.... And, yes, we have had incredible passionate sex several times over the past month. There is not a particular OW in the picture (other than this woman at his office that is so EXCITED he is divorced she calls him all the time - so far, no action that I know of) and we didn't divorce over an affair, so that makes my situation a little different than most. However, he did have dinner with a woman on Friday night. An old (older than he is!) family friend who also is divorced and quite beautiful. <p>But, then on Saturday, we were all together at a family wedding and he couldn't keep his hands off of me. Wanted to know what we (the kids and I) were doing for dinner... called me later that night and talked for 2 hours. Pouring out how confused he is and how he hates his life and nothing is the way it was (no duh?). <p>I am invited to a crawfish boil and band party this Saturday night and he saw the invite on my kitchen counter. The hostess hand wrote on the invitation "Bring a Friend". So, now he keeps bringing that up - "you need to ask someone to the party.." I have explained to him that I am not where he is, that I can't imagine going out with anyone yet. That I am not ready. He is encouraging it. Is this so he will feel better that he is going out? Does he want to hang on or move on? <p>I can't move on until I completely let him go. And I can't do that yet. <p>I know there is no wonderful, insightful wisdom out there. I just wanted to say boy do I understand the rollercoaster.<p>Mary

What gives here....I have given up even trying or wanting to....no point...too many mixed signals and I am just TOO darn tired of all this.<p>Thats what happened. That why he is being so nice. When you come to acceptance about how your future may be totally wihthout him and you in your mind attempt to go forward. That is when they turn around. Keep not being there. <p>BUT you were...polite.....appeared to be interested.

So don't expect him to be there next time. I think he was testing the waters to see IF he could still have you IF he chose. Yep, he can so he can go do his thing again. <p>I call this the emotional divorce. I got this off http://www.divorcebusting.com. I hope this helps. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. DivorceBusting suggests doing a 180.
1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or implore!
2. No frequent phone calls
3. Do not point out good points in marriage
4. Do not follow him around the house
5. Do not encourage talk about the future
6. Do not ask for help from family members
7. Do not ask for reassurances
8. Do not buy gifts
9. Do not schedule dates together
10. Do not spy on spouse
11. Do not say "I Love You"
12. Act as if you are moving on with your life
13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive
14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends, etc.
15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start the conversation) be scarce or short on words
16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his whereabouts, ASK NOTHING
17. You need to make your partner think that you have had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you are going to move on with your life, with or without your spouse
18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more important, realize what he will be missing
19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him someone he would want to be around.
20. All questions about marriage should be put on hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which may be a while)
21. Never lose your cool
22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic
23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes their feelings stronger)
24. Be patient
25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really saying to you
26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you want to speak out
27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh & focus on all the other parts of your life that are not in turmoil)
28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly
29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any words you can say or write
30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy
31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with your spouse
32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than 50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared
33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad you feel
34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes.<p>Don't settle for the crumbs he is throwing you. You are worth so much more. Don't turn around until he is pursuing you whole heartedly.

Thanks all for the support :-) 'Great people here.<p>today is another day....thank heavens...H came home with daughter and was talking to me about taking kids to his brothers on the wknd..asked him why on earth THERE ( brother is splitting with commonlaw spouse, she is moving out Friday) I am beginning to think this is maybe a genetic thing????? anyhow, h said it might be easier as it would be neutral territory so he could spend more time with kids, up to now its just been dinner cos they refuse to do anything with him like show, and DEFINATELY dont want to see his new apt. So I left it that see what the kids want to do....he is supposed to call me later in the week and discuss it???? Didnt I just answer him??? or was he not listening.<p>H was standing in living room, i was sitting, so I told him to sit down, he did, kept eyeing the TV, (he doesnt have one yet) talked a bit about his work, then he left WHEW...
D came up and said great job mom....you handled yourself amazing....told D that i didnt hate him and what would she like me to do...treat him like garbage...told her I was better than that, and I plan on acting like a lady no matter what.<p>This is just so TIRING.....games games and more games it seems....I just feel a lot better when he is NOT here, more in control, more self esteem etc. As soon as I see him....I start feeling like I did at the beginning all over again...sad, shock so many emotions.....hoping this subsides eventurally...<p>As far as DB goes....I have read the book...and am doing or at least trying my best to follow the above suggestions...havent called him...havent told him i love him for months....working at new job...changed the furniture all around....<p>I have no idea where this will lead....but right now I only have energy for me and the kids...trying to eat right....making sure kids get homework done and they get back to there routines. One day at a time.
Thanks for listiening...crazy world, crazy life huh