Hello all,<p>It has been a while since I posted, probably three months or so. <p>Here is my update..... I am still making it, I have my children the whole time I am home and I keep myself busy by doing things that need to be done around home and doing new things and seeing new places.
I'm still married but not for long, The divorce will be final in a month or two. I put it on hold for a while but I see no change in my STBX's ways. <p>I have been doing pretty good and thinking I am moving along with my life with a few pit falls in between.
My STBX has been fence sitting for so long her butt must be sore. She still thinks that she can have me if it doesn't work out with the OM. (I think by the time that happens it will be to late.)
She has come to me and I have let her back into my heart just for her to get in touch with the OM the next day and then tell me that she feels guilty for betraying him! (What? Betraying who? Who are you married to? HMMMM.... Serious emotional problems)
A lot of what she is saying makes no sence at all, I have gotten to the point of not even trying to understand her.
Here is something else she has had happen. He came to pick her up and take her back to his house (he lives in Alabama and we live in Louisiana) They fought the whole time she was over there. (Mostly about the kids and her missing them, we have three and he has none) She called me everyday while he was at work. At one point she wanted me to come get her because he said that he wasn't going to take her home until the weekend. It was probably wrong for me to say this but I told her that she got herself into that mess, she could get herself out and told her to go to the bus station. (I think she should be held responsible and accountible for her own actions as I do)
When she got back she wanted me there to console her and I did, she told me that he didn't understand how she felt about the kids. (of course he don't he doesn't have any!) Everything when well between us for a few days and I had to come back to work. He came over and spent a week with her and she has changed back to the same old state of mind! He has told her that he wouldn't be able to move over to Louisiana for two years because that's when he will be vested in the company he works for. (If I loved a woman as much as he says he loves her I think I would have to drop everything to be with her, or atleast try to find a job close to her) Don't get me wrong, I do think he cares about her but she is not the top priority in his life. Money seems to be more important.
I really don't think that this can go on for too much longer beween the two of them. Someone is going to get tired of traveling 8 hrs one way to see each other.
What do any of you think about long distance affairs? Seems pretty hopeless to me.
Another question, why is it that when I am going on with my life and everything is going good, she steps back in for a moment and sends me reeling again? <p>Anyway, I'm stuck on this rig but I know that I will always have support here.<p>
Regards to all.....<p>RN [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

"Why is it that when I am going on with my life and everything is going good, she steps back in for a moment and sends me reeling again?""<p>Dude, this is going to be harsh but I just have to say it..<p>The answer is BECAUSE YOU LET HER!!!.. <p>Tex.

Roughneck,<p> My old friend. So good to hear from you again. I have often wondered how you were getting along.
I hate to hear that WS has still been doing her crap. It is very painful to be to a point where you have made a decision to end the M, only to allow them back into our hearts. Then be raked over the coals again.<p> I am sorry for you brother. You are a good person. You continue to show it by putting your heart out there for her to break. <p> Don't be such a stranger S. Pop in from time to time and say hello. <p> Wish you the best man.<p> jd

I am certainly in no way a counselor or anything, but I have to say that when you are doing good or moving on that she comes towards you seems to be the trend. Anyway, she knows you, knows who you are, knows what's at stake. Her decision to not be with you fully right now, is just that - in my opinion. I would completely go on with your life as much as you can without her. Then when she comes back (if she) does you will be the one making the decison and hopefully your head will be in a better place. My .02.<p>Jack

I hate to say it, but did you ever try Plan B?<p>It sounds like you are providing many of her emotinal needs like being a good dad, providing a home for her, conversation, etc. which it sounds like the OM can't provide for her. When you take her back you should lay down the ground rules of the four rules of recovery - or like you told her before - whe got into this mess she needs to figure a way out.<p>It is so hard to let them learn from their mistakes, but she may actually come around after a short while if she knows you mean business. Although going through a divorce would definitely tell me that you meant business.<p>Going through a divorce, especially with kids is tough. I thought I'd never be in this position. It's a cheating H for me, and I should have stayed in Plan B. Now I'm sort of Plan Bing anyway because he is so vile that he doesn't even deserve to hear my voice. (Long story)<p>I hope everything works out for you and your kids. K