im not quite ready to see a attorny, still alittle afraid. if anyone knows anything about it in my state can you inform me?

I'm also in Jersey, but I would really suggest a conversation with an attorney you are comfortable with.<p>There are many things to consider.<p>IMVHO<p>Dan

i know i may have to if my situation doesnt change-i just thought someone might be able to give me some insight. married 7 years, 2 boys-12 yr old mine from prev. marriage. 6 yr old together. wh had an affair during the holidays. dont know what direction we are going in-just want to protect myself and my boys.

Generally, adultery does not make one bit of difference. It will have little (if any) impact on division of assets and NO impact regarding child custody.

In NJ adultery does matter. If your spouse is doing inappropriate things in the presense of his child than you can get supervised visitation; you will need proof though. In the state of NJ grounds for divorce don't really matter. The only thing filing under abandonment or emotional cruelty does is determine the amount of time you have to wait for a divorce. In NJ nothing moves fast...if you file under adultery, your wait for the divorce to be final will be immediate or until you and the ex can determine a property settlement. Allimony is based on how long you have been married, how employable you are, and your age. Unfortunately, 7 years is not considered a long term marriage. There are underlying circumstances like if you put your ex through school and sacrificed your career to take care of him, but in most cases the best you can hope for is rehabilatative allimony. The courts give you a grace period to get yourself training to find a decent job...most times it's between 3-5 years.<p>Good luck.

as far as my career-i have given it up to an extent. because of his hours-he leaves at 7:30 in morning and doesnt get home until at least 10:00pm. i only work part time while kids are in school so one of us is in their lives. he also works saturdays. i couldnt take my career to where i wanted because of this. i willingly cut hours for our family. with his job im not worried about custody. does anyone know how they figure out child support. how much?

Nikko-<p>I think I'm about where you are and I also live in NJ. Married almost 18 years. I've talked with an attorney and she confirmed that adultry doesn't make much of a difference. The only advantage you have is that the OP gets served as part of the adultry charge, albeit by registered mail. If the adultery charge is awarded it becomes part of public record. Could make for a sticky situation for the guilty parties if they are co-workers or supervisor and subordinate. That is so in my case. I have the added complication that it is a same sex relationship that they have gone to extreme lengths to hide.<p>So it depends on what you consider an advantage. I myself don't want to file and want to make sure I've exhausted every possibilty before that happens.<p>In other words, it scares the hell out of me, too...

Nikko, I'm in Jerzee also, but I have no legal advice for you. I just wanted to let you know that I loved your signature quotes so much- that I printed them out and posted it on my PC. I try to believe that God has me right where he wants me, but going through the pain of a separation (H soon filing) is just too much not to feel really down at times. My friends are rallying behind me and pulling me through. It's almost amazing. I hope that you have the same.<p>Best Wishes,
Duff

Nikka:<p>Just so you don't think I'm a know it all...my job used to be counseling divorced individuals and during the time I did this, one learns a lot about family court and divorce laws...going through the process myself, made me knowledgeable. In any case, child support is based on your husband's salary and yours. Divorce attorneys have a computer program which allows them to plug the salaries and your expenses and come up with a figure. If your husband has the kids on the weekend...this amount is deducted. <p>NJ probation doesn't play around with child support. Probabtion will set up an account for you so you will get your childsupport payments. <p>NJ has a program in all their counties that provides information and assistance for people going through divorce. These programs are funded through NJ Community Affairs and are free of charge to anyone separated, widowed, or going through divorce. They offer divorce support groups, legal workshops, financial planning, and offer one on one counseling. The programs in Gloucester and Burlington county are excellent. If you call the NJ Dept of Community Affairs and ask for a listing of their Displaced Homemakers programs...they can give you a number of the program in your county.