My H and I just recently celebrated our 10yr anniversary and everything has went down hill from there. He started leaving the house and say nothing is wrong, but not come home until the next day. He would call the next morning and say that he spent the night out driving around and thinking and that he slept in his car. I've tried to give him his space, but I don't know what the problem is. I'm not sure if it is alcohol or another woman. At any rate, I can't get him to talk to me, he says it's something he has to deal with on his own. During all of this I have caught him in lie after lie and I don't know what to believe. I don't know if it is worth holding onto. He has left again tonight after I asked him what he did with my anniversary band he had bought (he returned it to the store). This really makes me feel like he wants to work things out, not. Any suggestions out there? I'm new to all of this.

Do you have children?<BR>I guess my question is, how much are you willing to put up with? If it is another woman, are you willing to work it out? If it is substance abuse, are you willing to stick with him through it? Assuming he'll want to kick the habit.<BR>I would think giving him space right now would be the best thing but if this continues on ask him flat out, do want to work on this marriage? Do you want to stay together? Since he won't talk you'll have to ask him what exactly you want to know. Or ask him what he wants. No discussion, just flat out, what do you want?<BR>

Little Earthquakes,<BR> Thanks for your input. Yes, we have two children and they are partly my reason for sticking it out. I feel I may be strong enough to make it through OW or addiction. I hope anyway. By the way, he has returned and yes, you are right - I have asked him straight out what he wants, it always turns into a discussion. I don't handle the lies too well and desperately would like for him to be honest. He says that he feels that we are miles apart, but that is only because he has made us that way and his continual lying does not help. This weekend is our daughter's birthday and I'm hoping that he will behave. I'm in state of uncertainty and by the sounds of your username, like you, I'm on shaky ground! <P>God Bless, 1truegirl<BR>