My wife and I are of different faiths. She Catholic and I non-denominational. We have struggled trying to share our faith. They are so very different at the core level. I do believe that God has a plan for our lives and even pray daily that He would lead us to unity. <P>Our situation escalated to a pretty bad argument last year. She left me and a couple of weeks later I was faced with a protection order and seperation papers. I became pretty verbally abusive in terms of trying to "disprove" Catholicism and prove to her that she was wrong. I am very happy to say that we are back together after a 5 month seperation. I am still in a weekly domestic violence class. I was very wrong for treating my wife the way that I had. Not very Christ-like at all. Our arguments and her defense of the RCC really drove me to get very condemning and unnaccepting of her and especially her beliefs. I thank God for bringing me to my knees and forcing me to examine the board in my eye and to stop coming down on the spec in hers. My life with the Lord has been rekindled, but unfortunatley I believe our past has done some damage to our spiritual life together. <P>She has become a very devout Catholic. I am more solid in what I believe. The two faiths are different. Sure they share similar ideas with regards to moral and social issues but are very different at the heart, the message of the Gospel of salvation. We have battled through the apologetic wars and have done a lot of damage, so much it is hard for us to even start to share anything spiritually. We are trying though because we don't want to give up on the hope that someday we can be on the same spiritual page. For now we attend each others church's. She is very ecumencial at heart so my church or faith is not an issue with her. I believe that ecumenical thinking should be treated with caution because of the risk of compromising Scriptual truth.<P>I believe that God has a plan for our impasse and our lives together but it is difficult. We just need a push in the right direction. I lose sight of how to be Christ like and humble when she chooses to go down a path that I so strongly don't or can't support. I have been told that I should love her (which I do very much)and be patient and let love win her heart, not a constant barrage of our differences. I aggree with that and I know ultimately I need to leave our hearts to God. But what can I do with my beliefs in the mean time?She desires me to respect her and accept her which to her means her faith as well. I do accept her and respect her but how can I accept or respect a faith that I don't aggree with? <P>To complicate matters more, she wants to be able to share her faith with our kids, which I don't mind. But it is one thing to share your faith and to fully enroll them in a Catholic religious education program and move them towards 1st communion and confirmation which she is doing. We also have a child coming in June with whom she wants to have baptized into the Church. In some ways this is causing greater conflict. <P>I realize that we all have to eventually make our own personal decisions to follow Christ and that our children will be faced with that decision some day. Does this mean that I should let go and give it to God? Does this mean that I should let go and give in to her, and neglect my faith and feelings? Does this mean that I should let our children become Catholics too? How can I best respond to her in love in this situation? I want to love her and want to be able to say that I support her but when I express uncomfort or that I can't support her beliefs because of my faith she feels that I hate Catholics and furthermore, I cannot accept her. I don't hate Catholics as people. I just don't aggree with the teachings of the Church. <P>I want to be a better example of Christ's love in this situation, respectful of her desires, even though I don't agree with them and accept her for who she is and what she is. I just don't know how. But, again, I accept her but not the teachings of her faith. I am having a real hard time with letting our children get indoctrinated into the Catholic church when my wife and I still haven't figured out how we can share our faith together. <P>I feel strongly that "yes" we are to love each other as Christ commanded but not at the compromise of Biblical truth. I feel that if I were to give in to her desires and let the children get baptised and have their 1st communion and participate in Catholic tradition that I will be compromising my beliefs, ultimately compromising my perspective on Scriptural truth. But, from her perspective, by not allowing her desires, I would also be doing the same. How can we know what God wants us to do and how to find THE truth that is truth and not merely man's interpretation of that truth. <BR>Where do we go from here?<P>Anybody with any insight?<P>

Hi, GAS. <P>My goodness, the frustration you must be feeling. This is definitely a difficult situation for you. The best thing you can do is to keep praying. I'll be praying for you too, asking the Lord to give you guidance.<P>I know the troubles you're facing, I was raised in the RCC but about a year ago began examining many of the teachings and comparing them to the Bible's teachings. I found the two incompatible and chose to leave the RCC and become Protestant.<P>You and your wife would probably be able to come to some sort of agreement about how to deal with things between the two of you, but the children are a different matter. Since both of you believe so strongly it is understandable neither of you wants to raise your children in a different faith than your own. Use the Policy of Joint Agreement! Perhaps you could attend both services - many Catholic parishes offer a Saturday evening service, while many Protestant congregations have Wednesday night worship (or some other weekly worship in addition to Sunday). Bring the children to both. "Sharing" religions may not be ideal for the parents' sake, but this is a wonderful opportunity to teach your children to tolerate others' beliefs and to handle conflict lovingly.<P>Good luck and God bless.

GAS,<P>Your post is a loud warning to any couple, of different faiths, that are contemplating marriage. In many ways this type of relationship is harder then when two people from different cultures marry. To people of faith, that faith is usually very important and very personal. That is why it is always hard when couples of differing views marry.<P>I applaud your desire to be Christ-like. Continue to make that your focus. Another thing that might be helpful is to chill out about "disproving" Catholicism. If I understand your perspective you believe in salvation (from hell) by faith in the death, burial and resurection of Jesus Christ. If you want to talk with your W about anything spiritual it should be to find out what she has done about "Jesus". <P>I have a friend who is Catholic and he has members of his family that believe in salvation through Jesus. Instead of addressing the question of Jesus his family has spent their time bashing Catholacism. What a mistake that has been. It virtually erased all lines of communication on this topic.<P>Don't major on the minors. Confession, infant baptism, first communion are secondary. What is important is, has your w put her trust in Christ for her salvation or is she trying to earn her way to heavan. <P>As far as the children go that same question should be the one that you are concerned about. Will the two faith situation be confusing? Probably but the Holy Spirit can over come that too. Pray for your w and children daily. Remember our standing with God has nothing to do with what church we attend. It has everything to do with what or rather who we have put our faith in.<P>Hope this helps, at least a little.<P><BR>

GAS:<P>Back again, huh? Your struggle to become more Christ-like is a good thing: Christ accepted "everyone" to him. Although I understand your issues with the Catholic faith (and I am Catholic), you are dwelling on issues which are incredibly minor (IMO), and on which you really cannot "prove" or "disprove".<P>But we're not talking about me. What to do about you?<P>As younglove has suggested, Harley would have you follow the Policy of Joint Agreement here. In essence, if the two of you cannot come to a mutually enthusiastic agreement concerning faith issues, then you should do nothing.<P>Let's take into account the birth of your next child. If the two of you cannot agree on issues concerning baptising and raising the child in one of the Christian faiths---then you DO NOTHING. No baptism. No Catholicism. No "scriptural-based" Christianity. NOTHING.<P>I'm sure the NOTHING would be unacceptable to both you and your wife. Therein lies the motivation to learn the skills to negotiate this (and other) issues in a loving, Christ-like way that makes your spouse feel safe and builds love between the two of you. I'm betting that this would be exactly what would be pleasing to God.<P>I'd also suggest (again) that you start counseling with Steve Harley here at MarriageBuilders. He would be able to help you and your wife learn the skills necessary to manage the conflicts that your different faiths bring to your marriage.

GAS,<P>I totally understand where you are coming from. My (ex) wife is Catholic and I am simply a Christian. Even my ex-girlfriend in Highschool was Catholic! Am I glutton for punishment or what! (LOL!) Seriously, when our children were born, they were baptized in the Catholic church and I looked at it as 'it didn't matter to me' because it didn't hurt anything. The church I am now attending is non-denominational and they do have services for baptizing infants. The switch in thinking here is that the parents are testifying that they will bring their children up in Christ! What a great way of thinking! <P>GAS, so much can be overcome in prayer! Go to God in prayer and let Him change your wife's heart. You will NOT be able to! No matter what, you can't do it! But He can. This is where 'Let go -- Let God' really comes in to play.<P>Doug