My husband and i decided to separate. In two days will be 4 years how we are married. He simply give up, he told me that he does not have no more energy for relationship, that is two much work for him and he wants out. We have one 3 year old child. I fight so hard to save this marriage, even that fight made me so depressed since i was only one who need to change and make him happy. He used to ignore me for weeks if i would say anything negative, he wants his peace. He really does not care about this marriage and he does care about child but not us much to be willing to meet at the middle. I feel devastate, i am lost. He is very happy with decision, he is pushing me to look for apartment so he can stay by him self very fast. Could be that he has somebody else, even he would not admit. He want to stay friends and come visit our child, he wants to be there every day. I want my child to have both parents but i do not need him or want him to be around for a while. I want to start life with my daughter. How I can set up some boundaries so he can realize that i am hurt and i cannot be in his company for now? It's hurt me that he give up everything. I am here by myself all my family is Europe. Past year he played mind games with me, I did everything I could to save this relationship, cry, change,...... But it does not work. I feel like a looser. I am scared to be on my own, we were best friends, and now there is nothing left. I ma confuse and I cannot believe that he does not love me any more. I am trying to be strong but I cannot. He sees me crying and thing he even feel more in control. Please talk to me if you have any experience with separation. I need respond. I feel that I am getting crazy . One moment i feel ok with separation, another I do not. I am going through mood changes and I wonder is that normal. Thanks.

This is so hard, my WH and I just separated, but I still see him quite a bit, he moved into a house that we were rennovating for his mother, and SNL seems quite happy being there. I cry a lot, I take medication, I talk to friends, I talk to my mother. This is hard for you with no family around. Look here on the boards, and they will try to help you. But this is devastating, and some men just feel a marriage is not worth a cent. Like my WH, marriage means nothing to him, he said marriage license means nothing to him, he says vows mean nothing to him. We have been married for 24 years. <p>My WH is the one who had the physical affair. I would suspect your H is having an affair. You better protect what money you have, my WH spent thousands on the OW. This is the first thing that the counselors will tell you, protect your money. See a Dr. for help and medication. I can't tell you anything else, because I am very miserable and find this BS to be in the dumps so low. <p>It is so ironic to see my WH seems so happy, seems to be cheerful, seems to be polite now, seems to be enjoying every minute. <p>This is going to hurt so much, be prepared.

I know it is really hard. I have the same thoughts as you. I recently decided that a separation/divorce is the 'best' solution for me and my children. It is a very hard decision. I realized that I can't change her, I can only change things about me that I know I should. You should be quite clear and confident that you will continue to be in your daughters life. Nothing can ever change that, including marital status. I struggle with finding ways to make sure me kids know they are loved unconditionaly by both parents even though they are not together. I try to keep re-enforcing that message.<p>I also noticed that you mentioned that you don't have family nearby, its a problem I have as well. My only salvation has been with the friends and neighbors that have been very supportive. I usually don't like to ask others for help and I'm not comfortable doing it, but this is a time in my life where I truly need help. I am forever gratefull to the friends and neighbors that have helped with babysitting while I run to the store, and a thousand other little things they have done to help me. I also value their friendship in just talking about things when I get depressed.<p>Hang in there, and keep you focus.<p>
Peace,<p>Jim

((((Lola))))
Do you have a loving church family, a ladies' group that could be a support to you? This really helps.<p>Perhaps your pastor could confront your spouse and help with the issues dividing your marriage. There should be no separation without accountability to a pastor/counselor so you both know what is going on and are working toward the goal of healing and restoration. <p>Keep us updated on what happens.