I had been asking my husband for years to attend church with me and my kids. I have always attended the catholic church (before we married) ... and I take my kids there. He really always attended Baptist churches growing up and attended a catholic church about 4 years and didn't like it as much. He recently (after not churchgoing for about 8 years) started attending the church his parents go to (about 30 min. away) - this week was his 4th time going. I asked him to go to my church with us, but he says he doesn't want to go to a Catholic church. I personally, have always gone here and my kids are quite comfortable and enjoy the catholic church, are active in the teen programs, etc., and I don't wish to pull THEM out and change them to the southern baptist church. Its causing tension (for me) because I believe we ought to be attending together. Personally, besides his church, I don't want to go to a small, family (all his family) church and don't feel its my place to change after all these years of attending. Any thoughts? I was so irritated with him yesterday morning as HE went on his way ... and me and the kids got ready and we went to our church.

Cndy - I know where you are coming from and understand how you feel. I met my H about 4 years ago and at the time he didn't attend church at all, and I went to a Catholic church. Growing up, my mom reared my brother and I in the Catholic church, and my dad was Presbyterian. Part of their marriage was for mom to go w/ dad to his church, and then for dad to go w/ mom and my bro. and I to the Catholic church. That worked out well and both sides were happy - both from the perspective of maintaining their religion but also for making the other person happy. <P> While I know it's not a great comfort, at least be pleased your H goes to church. When I met mine, he didn't. He was reared in a Methodist family, but quit going once he got to college, and never started back.<P> So, when we met, I asked him to go to Mass w/ me - which he did for a while. He certainly did not agree w/ what the Church taught however. He only went to please me. Since I felt that there had to be some sort of unity in our relationship, I told him that I would be willing to go to another church if he would be willing to just go on a regular basis. So we started going to several protestant churches. We found a S.Baptist one that we liked and began going there. I've come to the conclusion that as long as the church is Christian and believes in the Bible, then it's ultimately up to the person. It's still the same God - just different ways to worship Him, and I really don't believe that one way is more or less right than the next - but that's beside the point. :P<P> After moving out of state, we finally found a church up here that we both really really enjoy going to. We both love the music and the service. It is a S. Baptist one - but I have really been happy there. Believe it or not, I feel that I get a lot more out of the service here, than I did growing up in the Catholic church and attending it. So while my mom is happy that we are attending a Christian church, I know she'd prefer me to still go to a Catholic Church.<P> However, that is a decision that has to be made by the individual, not the parents once the person is older (I'm 23).<P> I'm not saying that you should quit going to your church- I know what it is like going to one church you're whole life - it's a comfortable, cozy feeling; you know what is going on and the people there. But at the same time, you have to preserve your marriage and understand its high value in the eyes of the Lord. Maybe you and your H can come to an agreement that he attends your church and you'll attend his. - or go to Saturday night Mass, and go w/ him on Sunday. Or go to Mass Sunday morning and an evening service at his church...<P> You said in your post that you weren't willing to change your church, and I assume either is he. But maybe you can find some middle ground so that neither one of you will have to change. Try going w/ each other to the other's church. It would show him that you are willing to work on this and maybe then give him some incentive to work at it for you too.<P> W/ my folks, they would drop my brother and I off at Sunday school at the Catholic church, then head to my dad's church, and make it back in time for Mass. That way both were happy. <P>I'll pray for you - as I know this is an area that can cause a lot of tension because one's religion is a very personal and closely-held part of one's life.<P>God bless.<P>(only after seeing this posted did I realize how lenghty and tedious it looked to read - so went back and put in some blank lines to break it up a bit. hope it helped!) <p>[This message has been edited by Isabella (edited March 20, 2000).]

Isabella - <BR>thanks for your thoughts and response ... my biggest issue with him right now is that I totally don't "think" he is truly going to get into a pattern of consistently going to church ... like I am with my children. I know his habits .. and right now, there is a person at that church (his families) that he is wanting to talk to back and forth regarding a job possibility. That is the first time he showed interest in that church, when the job talk started. So, I hate to pull my children and myself (and I WOULD if I felt he was ready) from our church to start attending his. When I suggest a middle ground of us looking for something we BOTH like around the house, he says that its fine for him to go to his and me to mine. He doesn't have a problem with that, NOR has he invited me to his families church. In fact, they all know that I have been going to the church I belong to now for some time. <BR>Like you, I believe in God, and that there is only one God and we are all going to worship him in different ways compared to the church we attend. That doesn't bother me at all and I am willing to change and shop around ... but I don't want to choose his. Its a small southern baptist church with about 40 people ... MANY of them family members who spend most of their time gossipping about everyone else in the family and I just don't want to get into that with them. He still wants to go there and I don't.

If your children are active at your Catholic Church, I think it would be a mistake to take them out of their activities there. When I was growing up, my church activities were very important to me and my friends at church were my best friends. <P>Unfortunately, this is what happens when people to whom faith is important marry outside their faith ... Whether your H goes to church with you or not, I guess the really important thing is whether there is any conflict of belief when it comes to raising your children. It sounds as if perhaps your H IS going to that church not for any real religious enlightenment but for networking for his career, which is not unusual! It's often difficult for someone who grew up in something like the Baptist faith to relate to and enjoy the liturgy and ritual of a "high" church like the Catholic -- for many they can't see the beauty of it and it just doesn't make sense.<P>What to do? I don't know! My H does not attend church with me and my daughter, but I've known all along that he wouldn't (he's sort of an agnostic humanist who grew up in the Assembly of God church). So I just make the choice to go myself and get out of it what is important to me. What seems the most important issue to me is what the children take from this: do they question why Daddy doesn't come to church with them? I think if one can talk to them about the different denominations and what they are about -- after all, both are Christian -- it provides opportunity for educational exploration of the similarities and differences of any number of denominations and even, if you are interested in carrying it so far, education on other religions, such as Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, etc., which I believe is a springboard for teaching tolerance of others beliefs, a foundation of our country.