Would I remarry?<p>If my W could get out of and stay out of debt.<p>If she was willing to make some changes. She said, "I was going to change, but since we're getting divorced I'm not going to." (I wanted the divorce)<p>Doesn't seem likely. Plus, I'm not interested.

I got the divorce papers yesterday from my H, and he said as he handed them to me, I hope this can help you to start healing, there is no rush in signing them, just do it when you are ready to do so. He also made the comment that I deserved someone so much better than himself, someone who wouldn't do the things that he has done to me, and that he never want to see me cry again and know it's because of him.<p> I can see by some other things that he said, that he is not in the right frame of mind to be doing this, that he is really remorseful, and just jumping into this (OW broke up with him 5 weeks ago tonight). I told him it's ok to be feeling the way he is feeling right now, and that I didn't think he was really ready to be doing this. So, I have the papers now, I read through them, and filed them away in my file cabinet with other important papers, like tax returns from 1998! I am "plan B'ing" him now, maybe the no contact from me will really make him realize what he will be missing. I have emailed or called him everyday about anything I could think of to have an excuse to talk to him, so basically, he has been having his cake and eat it to. I told him I felt like he just had me by a string so that if he found he didn't like it out there on his own, he would be able to real me back in, he agreed he was doing this to me. So I am cutting that string so that he can see things before they come to the D. I hope it works, and I think it will. <p>The ball is in my court finally, and it feels good to be in control. I'm going to give this some more time so that he won't regret it, like I know he will. It's hard to let someone you love make such a life changing decision such as this and really see inside them that they are uncertain that this is what they want. Like I told him, he didn't fall out of love with me, he just fell in love with someone else and it had that fresh new feeling, and we didn't have that feeling anymore, after all it's been 9 years since we first met, so look deep within your heart and don't let your mind overule your heart, because in the long run, your heart always wins. <p>They misspelled my name on the papers, so I'm thinking that that might some sort of sign too!

betrayedone....I am glad to see he may be looking into himself finally and examining why it happened and realizing he made a big mistake. I think that is the turning point for true recovery when we examine and understand the reasons we did what we did, then we can see what we messed up. Sometimes it takes a while to see these things and it may take professional help but when the light clicks on it is sooo clear what is important to you. I hope his light comes on soon.<p>
Love in christ<p> Cajunky

bump

Neat thread.<p>In Aug it will be one year since this wild ride started. He has moved in with OW in a brand new house that they had built. I am sure, although he hasn't said it....but he plans to marry her.
I do believe with all of my heart that there is still love there for me. It's deep in there...kind of on a break. I love him, but I am moving on. I used to pray every single might that a wall would build between the two of them. I hardly do that anymore. Does that mean that if he came back I would tell him where to go? I don't really know anymore. It's so weird. A few months ago, i would have jumped for joy. Now I don't know what I would do. I also don't think that it would ever happen.<p>My advice for all would be....take your time in the "new relationship". There is no rush. YOu need to get to know each other again and you need to build back a trust that was ripped apart. <p>Stay strong! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>MAX

You used the weird in your response. I too get the "weird" feeling when seeing my ex. It only happens every ninety days or so when I travel 700 miles to see the kids. We have went out on dates a couple of times. The weird feeling I get is one of lingering guilt. The thoughts in my head being of the "how bad does she still hurt?" type. She has spoke of the weird feelings also. We go to a movie then to eat somewhere. Over our meal we kinda stumble for a little bit then move to talking lightly about how we got to where we are. Why I chose to ask someone other than her to New Year's bash in Atlanta in 2001. For the life of me, I would've asked but really didn't think she would go. She's not much for airplanes and all that and I would've bought her ticket for her. We're still missing or maybe I'm still missing some signals along the way that she cares to be around me. She is dating someone that when she just mentions his name it crushes my heart. Surely the same hurt she felt when she thought about me with someone else during my EA. We have been intimate a couple of times on visits. Again, she says it's weird and I'm elated that she even would want to be intimate with me. These litttle flings weren't like when we were married. We try to be discreet because it takes place in her house and neither one of us want the kids to get a false idea that we might be getting back together. <p>I very much would like to seek a "new relationship" with my ex but, like mentioned in the beginning, a lot of weirdness to overcome for both of us.<p>Met Aug/1979
Married Sept/1981
2 sons(18 & 16)
1 daughter(10)
Beginning of Mid-life meltdown
& EA(1997)
Divorced July/2000
Didn't take counseling serious
Ready whenever she might be to
give it all I got and more.

New to this board. I have posted on the Plan A/Plan B board. This post caught my eye.<p>I don't have much to offer this thread but would like to share. <p>My WH wants to divorce. Of course, I am hurt and do not want to give up just yet. We have been down this road so many times, if he really wanted it, he would have stuck with it the first time (or so I tell myself). I feel like we are supposed to be together. I have often said in the past that he will wake up and realiz what he lost. It may be too late, it may not. <p>So right now, I am not with When Pigs Fly but someday I may be. I too ask my self am I stupid for wishing or believing this. Who knows.<p>I would like to see this comments added to this thread, it;s very interesting.

Well here I am at a new site. I am thinker and my STBX husband is Sad N Lonely. You wouldn't believe the crap that is going on here, the threats he has made to me, the demeaning words he says to me, the outbursts of namecalling, and being a uncaring husband, father, son.<p>If I were to remarry SNL there would have to be a lot of remorse and guilt that would have to be expressed. SNL states we don't match psychologically, SNL doesn't state the attitude he has, the illogical, uncaring attitude that is expressed quite frequently. <p>SNL has been told by his lawyer to quit coercing me, quit caling me names, and etc. He told me this the other day, that he hasn't called me a name in 2 weeks. It is sad when a lawyer tells your spouse to use decent language to your wife. I don't know if he wanted affirmation for this task that he completed, I just said good. <p>According to SNL papers sent to my lawyer, he once to give me only 2 years of alimony, (guess 24 years of marriage means crap to SNL),childsupport for 2 years, child will be 18 at that time. Also, no insurance to be given, no helping to get the house completed. He wants to sell the house with the mold problems, he wants me to not dispel the mold. I talked to my lawyer, and the mold will be told, cause someone could come after us 5 or so years later and sue us. <p>I just took his mother to the hospital for outpatient surgery. He doesn't seem to care about his mother, didn't ask her what she was having done, didn't really express concern when I talked to him. <p>I got mad at our oldest son, he is using the [censored] work a lot, I explained to him (18yrs) that the language he is using is not acceptable. He was using it while playing a game on the computer. Son told me dad says it all the time. So I asked SNL to talk to son, and if continues, son can move in with dad in the house he is suppose to be fixing up for his mother. He told me quite blank, no one is going to move in this house with him. Son will have to find somewhere else to live. <p>There are things going on, he isn't letting me see phone bills, bills at all. Already the cellphones were turned off, I am waiting for electricity and etc. to get turned off. SNL has never been good about paying bills, taking care of papers, organizing papers, recording documents so one can readily find them. <p>Help, the divorce is hurting me so bad, I gave my heart and soul to SNL. I gave him my body, and now he is tossing me in the dumpster. Literally, I can't find a job in nursing, with my handicap of R arm. I was injured on the job. He used my settlement money for the house he purchased in Arizona where the OW lives, and his e-mails said the house was bought for him and the OW. SNL basically is tossing me aside, fend for myself, and the kids are told they are going to have to find other means for going to college, and live. Our oldest got everything, now the rest of the kids are to take care of themselves.<p>Yes, SNL is deep in Foggggg. Yes, SNL is deep in mid life crisis. Yes, SNL is not caring to his wife (me), his kids, his mother. He just wants to live in a place all by himself. No one to bother him, no one to clean up after, no one to tell him what to do. Anyways, looks like I am in deep trouble, deep financial trouble, deep emotional trouble, kids are furious with dad. They hate what is happening, and would like us to be together. Found in SNL wallet the other day, I had no money to buy food, SNL told me I am to use the childsupport money to feed five of us, I told him that that money is for youngest son, and to put aside what I don't use on son. SNL tells me to not to listen to my lawyer. But SNL won't give me money to feed five of us, 4 dogs, 2 cats, 1 bird. This is all wrong, and I am literally being beaten by my spouse. <p>Yes, SNL did injure me, and going to physical thereapy for strained and bruised shoulder and back. SNL doesn't ask how I am doing, just lives on his own, and is now trying to lose that 80 extra pounds he has, and walking. Wouldn't walk with me, just ate and ate by his computer. <p>Just an update, see you later.

SNL is in it deeeeep! The echo is probably deafening to him and he yells at you to drown it out. That's how I've come to rationalize my outbursts. I pray that the torture you and the kids are going thru will subside. That's not very comforting coming from a WS like myself I know. <p>We never see the ones we love reaching out to us offering any help they can give us until it's too late. Sad but, true. <p>My ex and kids moved on without me and it's the worst feeling in the world to watch that from a distance that I was responsible for creating. Keep God as your focus Thinker. Don't turn your back on Him the way I did when things turned the darkest.

PLeased to see that some make it back to re marriage, my H & i have only been seperated 3 weeks & it feels like forever I am trying to act like it's not bothering me. My question is that my H said he has known we were going to seperate for 2 yrs so he has had time 2 think about it (which just kills me) he chose this way out because i complained too much about his friendship with a woman to the extent that he hasn't loved me for 2yrs! (who has since seperated from her H, it was her H choice to seperate as she was so unhappy with him!!) Anyway I guess what i'm really wondering is if my H has had 2 yrs to think about this does anyone think that one day the light might just switch on??? & he will realise what has happened everything has happened so fast 4 me & our property has now been sold & lawyers sorting everything out just wondered if this has happened to anyone b4.. H had an affair 11yrs ago which i found very hard to deal with especially when this new friend came alon & h told me that there was nothing going on but that he couldn't promise me that it would never happen again so it was over 4 us!

The light does come back on. When, you ask? We stumble around in the darkness looking for what we perceive to be something better. In all of the reaching out in the tunnel, trying to find the ideal situation that will ultimately bring us some peace, we mistake satisfaction from someone else as being the answer. So, we keep feeling our way thru the tunnel until we actually bump our head on the light itself. <p>We look up and find that our spouse is dating someone that makes them happy because we caused so much pain to them. We sit down and cry and ask the Almighty what has happened(that's my experience anyway). <p>When the light does come on, there's a lot of guilt that comes with it for being such an imbecile. For being so blind to the loved ones that were reaching out and bending over backwards to get us to confide our thoughts and feelings to them. Our only response to the offers was a grunt, groan, and a "I'm O.K., leave me alone."<p>Again, the light does come on. Can't say exactly the conditions and when. Prayer is the electricity!<p>Mike