Follow up from "How do I get out of this limbo" below. <p>I decided to change my user name. Gosh, I went back & read some old posts of mine - UGH! I havent changed much, the same crap is still bothering me. But I dont cry as much & dont focus on it 24 hrs a day.<p>I found a good article on divorcesource.com. I posted it below "accepting who spouse is now". I need to eat that paper!! and sleep on it. Maybe it will diffuse into my brain! I guess I have lost some of the desperation of last year. But any mystery always drives me crazy until I know the ending, so finding him in lies drives me crazy. I think its all coming to a close. He said he will likely find apt this weekend & I believe him.<p>I went thru hell last year at the old job where H, myself and OW worked. H moved to other job 1 hr away, but OW worked THERE 5 yrs ago. Jeepers. Im sure he credits her with getting the job, though I am the one who found the website & all the info & printed out the positions he could apply for. GRR.<p>Okay. Im forgetting it. I dont know just what to do with myself. Its time to go home & I dont want to. He'll likely not be there anyhow. I have no food & am too tired/fed up to go to grocery store. Its a boiler outside today - feels like 90 something degrees. Here comes summer! But hey, I finally got off the waiting list & got membership to a swimming pool nearby. Yeah!

ATW,<p>Like the new name! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I need to change my name too, but seems sorta pointless as I usaully don't post and most who knew me are no longer around.<p>I have to admit that there is more strength in you than last year. Hence the you have the power post. <p>Nothing is as bad as first finding out. It sucks everything out of you.<p>Don't worry about what you will do, just take it one day at a time. I wondered the same thing. somehow you just find people who are in your same boat and things begin to happen. Join a divorce support group, join some type of group or club that meets every week or month. At least these things will get you out and about. You WH might think twice when he sees how well you are doing on your own. <p>It bothers me to see where he follows you around egging you into his fight. and it is his fight. Next time just walk out the door and when he follows and yells demanding to know what you are doing say "removing myself from your anger. I don't wish to be part of it." Then get in you car and go. Where? doesn't matter really, just drive around is what I do sometimes. Take the interstate loop around the city or something. <p>I hope for you that he does get an apartment and get himself sorted out. If he does move out you gotta promise me one thing....promise?.....DO NOT DO A THING FOR HIM. Let him be with the OW 24/7 and see how much they really like it. The new wears off anything. The process will be a lot quicker and less painful for you if WH is out of the house.<p>Well, ATW I need to do homework. Also, please remember that all this advice comes from someone unable to save her own marriage. Really I was unwilling to try as the betrayls were too many and I knew WH would never admit wrong. My advice is not to push you towards D. But hopefully to get you to a place were recovery can really begin.<p>Take Care<p>[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: HopelessinAZ ]</p>

I'm getting there slooowwwly. . battling against myself all the way. When H was upset & said he was sorry for "hurting me" (yet denies affair), he asked if when he is in an apartment & got sick, if he called me would I come? And I said yes. Okay, smack me now. He is a needy person. How do I stop feeling sorry for him or allowing him to work on my sympathy. <p>How do I stop doubting my own confirmation of suspicions. Like sseing him parked at OW's and have him come home (only because he heard my distinct car) and pretent to tell me voluntarily that he "stopped by OW's for a minute" to "ask her a question about work" that "could not be taken care of over the phone". What the heck is wrong with me that a teeny weeny part of me says 'maybe'??? After all I have been thru with all the lies he told me & the times I found out otherwise by my own eyes or from people at our former workplace or former gym (and actually even from OW's ex-H !!) [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Also, there is the matter of the house. How he used to threaten throwing me out one minute, and giving it to me the next. We're still running around that bush. Actually back in January we refinanced & I do qualify on my own for the loan! It was after finding this out, that he came back!! SO I think it was to talk me into selling it!! If forced to do that, we each would get a nice chunk of change back, but I dont want to be forced to move out of our . . I mean . . my home! So until he signs a waiver on that issue after a divorce, he would perceive my refusal to help as a fight & get mean with me. So I must be civil. <p>You'll have to hang in there with me on that aspect! Keep telling me not to do anything - force him to discover the reality of OW, whether he comes back to me or not! I am working on the finding peace thing. Last night instead of playing Jane Bond & driving across town to see if he was with OW, I told myself so what, I know its already happened so many times, so many lies - its nothing new. This is who he is now. ANd so I was at home doing my own thing & much calmer. I slept better for the first night in a very long time too! <p>P.S. I think some of the old timers are lurking around on occasion. Maybe on different boards such as general questions, and just found out. I have seen - Orchid, BrambleRose, WhenIFindTheTime, Dara B, StillWorthaTry & a few other familiar names. Wonder where Lost Husband is these days? Or if OutOfTheFog is out there lurking?? Updates!! We need updates!!<p>[ May 31, 2002: Message edited by: AgainstTheWind ]</p>