Well my wife got revenge on me and I am crushed. She started seeing a guy not long after the papers were served. She has been discreetly seeing him but he has been calling the house and has left several messages(one that was really unappropriate and my little girl heard it). When I confronted her about it and told her to tell her boyfriend not to leave messages on machine she said it wasn't her boyfriend. In defense of my wife, she was really pissed at this message and I really felt sorry for the guy because I knew what was coming...lol. The contact almost stopped, so I thought, except for a birthday card with the words I LOVE YOU on it. My wife went out of town for the weekend to some friends cabin and I found out from her that he was there all weekend. I think they slept together but I have no proof of it except she didn't deny it when I asked her. I guess I deserve it but the thing that really crushes me is she skipped our little girls ballgame to go.(I think it is an issue of her believing everyone thinks it is her fault but I have told everyone I know it was my fault)
<p> I was so crushed after finding out about them I laid in the fetal position in my sons closet for at least 10 minutes crying my eyes out. I just thought I was in a bad place since the divorce started but I am now in such a depressed place I don't even know who I am or what my thought process is. I am numb all over I can't focus on anything <p> I now know how my wife trully felt and I am soooo sorry for the hurt I caused her. God the hurt she must have felt during all this. I have really been studying MB to try and realize the hurt she was going through but I had no idea it was anything like this I love my wife with all my heart and soul and I will always pray that God will somehow put our marriage back together. God can and will put us back together someday because we had a very strong marriage before my downslide 2 years ago. I still think she is the greatest thing that ever walked the earth. God I want my relationship back with my wife. I will never give up on her or God.<p> I have to go somewhere.... <p> Oh God what am I gonna do without her... <img src="graemlins/teary.gif" border="0" alt="[Teary]" /> <p>
Love in christ<p> cajunky<p>[ June 03, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]</p>

cajunky,<p>It is a truly horrible feeling, the pain is beyond description... words can't describe. <p>I'll include you in my prayers.<p>Allow yourself to grieve, it does help.<p>Hopefully in time with Gods blessings, this will turn itself around.<p>It's never over until you say it's over however.<p>Stay Strong!<p>May God bless you in your time of need.<p>Wallace

cajunky,<p>I am so sorry for your pain. It hurts more that anything else I have ever experienced in my life.<p>Plan A your butt off as well as plan P (prayer) I have no idea if your W would ever come back, but if it were me ( and I'm BS & WH had multiple A's)it would take quite a while to reconsider anything. It would have to be major changes OVER A PERIOD OF TIME)<p>God Bless,
D.

Wallace and Will....thanks for the reply. I know I have a lot of work to do and it won't be overnite. I have done a lot of things to insure I won't go back to the lifestyle that crushed my wife. Here is a post of mine from another thread about what chance WS will have another A.<p>
I am a spouse who had multiple affairs so I will try and tell you what I have learned in the past 6 months as to why it happened and why it won't happen again.
My affairs consisted of PA and cybersex. My PA's were one time things so I don't know if that makes me more of an idiot or what. I always felt like a piece of crap and was always remorseful after I had done it. I always was grief stricken when I saw how much I had hurt my wife but for some reason, that I couldn't explain, I would do it again. After my last PA I sought counseling and was told I was a Sex Addict. What this meant was that my lustful thinking played a significant role in my decision making. I made the choice to do it or not but as I look back my lustful drive blinded me from anything God told me. He told me to turn back but I ignored him.<p>So why is this time different? I think there are several things that makes this time very different than the past.<p>1.) GOD- God was always in my life but I just didn't respond to his call. I have renewed my walk with him and he has definitely provided me with many blessings within the last 6 months. I really believe he brought me to my knees so I would get into a program that would not only help my marriage and family but after it is done he would be glorified through my wife and I.<p>2.) Counseling and Sexaholics Anonymous - These two things alone have shown me how out of control my lust was. But most importantly it has given me the tools( 12 step program) to control my lust so I will never have to put my wife and kids through the tragedy of affairs again.<p>3.) Refusal to let satan have my marriage and kids- As you can see by my Sig. line that divorce has been filed. I refuse to let satan have the one thing that means the most to me. God NEVER wants divorce but satan is really having a great laugh. When you see your wife go into total depression and cry for weeks and see your kids cry themselves to sleep in your arms while you cry your eyes out with them it gives you a new sense to fight the spiritual battle. When satan takes your best friend who you laughed with and had the best times of your life with it gives you a new will to fight to keep the thing you cherish the most.<p>4.) Refusal to let satan have anymore of my family- Satan came in and found my weak spot and completely destroyed my family. This has not only affected my wife and kids but it has reached to many other family members. I went and picked my kids up from my mother and father in-laws today. I haven't seen or talked to them in over 6 months. The pain and hurt on there faces made me want to run as fast as I could away. I love them dearly and to know how I hurt them makes me sick. We were once one of the closest families around.<p>I will fight for my marriage reconciliation till the day I die. I love my wife very much. When my wife and I were good, we were real good and I know with Gods help we can build our relationship up again.<p>
Love in Christ<p> Cajunky

Cajunky,<p>Satan has a way of taking the things we cherish the most in our lives, if given the opportunity.<p>My family was taken away as well.<p>I too, as well as all the other members of my family had fallen away from God. It left us wide open for Satan to do his bidding, and he has done a very good job of destroying our family.<p>In the process of all this, it has renewed my faith to a point, that I will never let my faith of the Lord ever dwindle again. This is in spite of what has happened from Satan's doings.<p>The Lord can work in ways that we cannot comprehend... he does not wish to see us suffer.
He will however allow Satan to work you over, if your faith falls short... In my case he did.<p>I can only stand against Satan with the Lords help now. If my faith is strong enough, he will allow me to take back what Satan has taken from myself and my family... he can do the same for you.<p>Pray for your W as I pray for my WW. Ask the Lord to remove the blinders from your W, so she can find her way back to the righteous path, and back to your family if that is his will.<p>Be patient my friend, you have a spiritual battle that you must deal with... for both you and your W.<p>It's a battle that can be won, but only with the full armour of God, can that be achieved.<p>Blessings to you.<p>Stay Srong!<p>Wallace

cajunky-
I just read your posts here and my heart goes out to you. I know the consequences for our sins are great! I know the struggle gets harder before it gets easier. I will pray for you...ignore my question/post on the "unworthy" topic, right now you need prayers and encouragement. My prayer list has become so long since I have found MB! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Know that God will turn your pain to glory, hold on to that. Imagine the wonderful day when you can stand as testimony of God's power! I pray for that day......
Remember there is nothing to big for God....NOTHING!

I will keep all of you in my prayers. Visit www.restoreministries.net. It is also a helpful site for anyone wanting their marriage restored.<p>morriggs
morriggs@yahoo.com

cajunky,<p>This has been TOTAL HELL for me as the BS with WH still denying, lying his 3 year affair with "OW". He went as far as to let me believe that she was out of the picture for the last 2 years and continued on with me, telling me he loved me, missed me and only reason that we were apart was because of his job.<p>I found out about continued contact, blew up, threatened divorce and to drag her into to it as well if he let it go that far. WH shortly there after lost job and told me on 4/26/02 that he was tired of everyone having their nose stuck in his business and he wasn't telling me where he was at. No contact form him since then. Affair hurts, but it's the lies, deception, dishonesty, continuance of the affair and the disrespect shown to me and the vows he made. He also hasn't mentioned divorce or done anything oncerning one. He has just wacked me right out of his life. <p>Guess this is the "THANKS" I get for being human and making mistakes, being faithful, loving, forgiving and trusting even after this first hit April of 99. My mistakes were human errors or just differences that go with any marraige. I would have gladly worked through them to please my husband but he waited till he blew up and left. I had NO IDEA he felt like he did about them and I certainly would have stopped, changed or done everything in my power at the time (If he only would have told me at the time). Stress was a big factor too and part of that stress and my anger was because of his behavior. He shut me out and I really needed him. Just like when he first left, he has shut me out and chopped me off again.<p>Starting to think it is a control thing and form of punishment he uses on me.<p>YES IT HURTS!!!!!!!! CLING TO GOD AND DON'T GIVE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<p>((((((((((HUGS))))))))))

My friend,
I'm so sorry to hear you are in pain. There is always a plan, you just don't know it.<p>E

Wallace... You are so right. Satan just rests until he sees a weak point in our lives then he pounces on you with all he has. I was like you in that I went to church but I didn't seek God on a daily basis so I left the one thing that means so much to me open for satan to take. <p> I know God does wonderful things that we can't comprehend. I know he will do it on his time and whatever he does it will be to glorify him.<p> I pray for my wife and for our relationship everyday. My walk with God has changed so much since this. I get up an hour early every morning to do my daily bible study and to get on my knees and pray for whoever is on my prayer list.<p> Missmo...your right about the consequences being great. There are several stories in the bible where God destroyed a nation for the sins they had committed but when the people turned back to him he restored their possessions and rebuilt their city. (see my sig line for book and chapter). I know nothing is to big for God to do.<p> My wife and I had such a great relationship before the PA in 2000. We did a lot of the MB principals and we didn't even know about MB.<p> Moriggs...thanks for the link....I have been there and we have a group that meets at our church that gets together and follow these principals and has bible study and believes God will restore their marraige no matter what.<p> Betrayed....I am praying for you to....I know you are having a tough time with this but try to weather the storms that you have and look at the future. Our preacher made a statement that stuck with me this sunday. "Don't look back. Look ahead and see the things God is doing in your life. We can't change the past so look for God in the future".
Just....thanks for the prayers.....<p> I know my wife could use all our prayers too. I know she is suffering just like I am because she has lost her best friend to something satan has done. I know my wife was so depressed at one time that she could not bare it anymore. Satan just kept on doing his stuff in my life to try and totally destroy her. <p> Love in christ<p> cajunky

Praying for you Cajunky,<p>That was a good statement you made you said: "Satan just kept on doing his stuff in my life to try and totally destroy her". <p>If we only knew this from the start the betrayal wouldn't be so hard,"the BS beats themselves up thinking its all them when in fact its not, but I guess if people looked at it this way..."Why are you such a big threat to the devil"...God must have something great instore for your life....and of course the devil pulls out his strongest weapon "Deception".....<p>I'm sorry to see you go through this but God must take you through a process of renewing the mind and putting off the old deeds of the old man...<p>If you stay on the path you're walking anf don't give up you can recover....Hang in their....

hey all....Just wanted to share that I got some anti-depressants today. I never thought I needed them until this last few days.<p> I found out today that wife went to smokey mountains to a chalet with other man. This is the same man she told my little girl "If he ever calls back I am having him arrested." <p> The sad part about it all is my wife and I have been dreaming of doing that exact same thing. God I am glad I got some anti-depressants today.<p> My son told me tonite not to do anything stupid (suicide). I think he saw the pill bag and got concerned. A coach that helps me on my girls softball team asked me if everything was ok. He said I had been just wandering around and didn't look good.<p> Just a thought....Since we haven't signed papers yet, and we are legally still married (I think) does that make my wife a WS?<p> Well....I still LOVE my wife and still believe with all my heart we will be married again.<p>
Love in Christ<p> cajunky<p>[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: cajunky ]</p>

Cajunky,<p>I think it's great you turned over a new leaf, whether it's too late for you and your wife or not...<p>BUT your question bothers me a little...Do I have this straight? You had multiple affairs, you filed divorce....she finally gave up and started dating after *you* served her with papers... <p>If that's all true, okay, maybe technically she's wayward because she finally had enough, but untechnically, IMHO, she's NOT the WS, she was betrayed by you so many times, you should kiss the ground she walks on and don't even go there with trying to call her a WS...<p>Just my opinion...<p>Also, I understand what you mean about Satin finding spots in our weakness, however, I think too many people see that as an opportunity to blame someone once again for our *own* choices. The first people on earth blamed when they had a choice to make...Eve blamed the serpent for her bad choice, Adam blamed Eve...the blaming game began...<p>I hope you will continue making these positive changes for you, even if she goes her own way. Remember, no one can make you happy but you.<p>Take care,<p>ANNA<p>[ June 05, 2002: Message edited by: Anna2000 ]</p>

anna.....thanks for your reply<p> I didn't file for the D. And your right she is by far not the WS. She kept her vows during the marriage. She loved me so much and I pushed her till she had enough. <p> The thing I think about satan is he finds the spot in which we are the most vulnerable and he attacks it. Your right we still make our own choices but satan makes things look great (i.e, I won't get caught, nobody will see me)

cajunky,<p>God bless you....I am still married, but have been separated for 7 mths. I had a EA/PA after my WH had his affair. It was so wrong of me, but I was so desperate for love that I turned to the first man who offered it. My WH realized how it felt(I didn't do it to get back at him) to hurt so badly and attempted suicide. Things for us could have worked out, but we didn't follow God. Anger, resentment, etc. got in our way. I still am fighting for my M. I have just given it over to God again, for I realize that I can't change things, I can't fix them, I can't fix my H. I love him so very much, and I don't ever believe that anyone could take his place. I know how you feel. The hurt is so deep, and if I think about it enough, it will drive me insane. I must walk by faith. I know now that God will never leave me, he loves me no matter what I've done wrong. He is my husband right now. I still hurt so very much. I feel as though I have failed, but God picks me back up. He is my only refuge and he will get me, us through this!!!! That I must believe. Hang in there. Give it to God. Ask God what it is he would have you do! He has the answers. God Bless!

beth....hope everything works out for your marriage. I will pray for you. We all just need to trust in God to bring back our spouses.

Cajunky,<p>I am sorry my brother that you are in the pain you are in. It is very real the pain you are experiencing... I know, because I am tormented by the same pain daily... 24/7.<p>I have just come from Church, and I have prayed for the Lord to heal the pain for myself and many of you whose posts I have read here on these boards.<p>It is a nightmare that won't end. How do you make it stop... through prayer. I did it before, and then I faltered... left God behind. Will I be able to do it again... if it's God's will, then I can. I put it all in his hands.<p>You must first work on healing yourself though. That is what I am trying to do. I for one tried the humanistic approach of putting my marriage back together... it didn't work... it got worse.
(I posted a short story on Free Indeed's thread giving a little background information on my situation).<p>As I stated before, I am going back to God, and not turning back... it can't get any worse than it already is. I am working on myself now, with strong prayers for my "Wife", and yes she is still my "Wife". <p>Have I forgiven my Wife for what she has done? Yes I have... Would I take her back? Yes I would, but I would request that she seek the Lord's word with me, in order to heal the wounds which are very deep... otherwise it will all be a huge waste of time. <p>Will I ever forget the pain of what has happened... never, but I have forgiven, no matter what the outcome, and saving my marriage is pretty bleak at this point. So do I need a miracle? Yes I do, and the only place I know where to get that miracle is through the Lord. I know of no other place to go to.<p>Never lose your faith, no matter what the outcome.
You are not alone, the lord knows your pain, and he will heal your pain if you allow him. Let him lead your path, you will not be forsaken.<p>I am writing this to you through the pain that I am feeling at this very moment... so I know exactly how you feel.<p>Blessings to you. Pray for your wife.<p>Stay Strong!<p>William Wallace

You're not a BS, you're divorced and your exw has a right to move on after you hurt her time and again. Don't pressure her to try and reconcille, if she wants to she will of her own volition. But you should realize that chances are she doesn't want to take that risk again, if she truly feels that way let her<p> Sorry for being harsh but as a BS I would fume if my now exh said I was taking revenge on him by allowing myself to move on.<p>[ June 06, 2002: Message edited by: Nduli2 ]</p>