Hello to all MB's. I am new to the forum but have been lurking here for the past 3 mo's gaining the courage to post a question. I have been divorced from my WH for 1 and 1/2 years. I asked him to leave because I knew he was cheating on me again. (The signs were so easy to spot when you've been through it before)He recently married his OW and is living 4 blocks away. My question- how do I deal with meeting this woman? We have a daughter, age 12, who is involved in many activities which we both usually attend. Everytime I go to these activities I am terrified that he will bring her along. I know the time is coming when I must face this woman but it makes me physically ill to think about it. I am usually hyperventilating and shaking by the time I get to the door. I have even considered making up an excuse so I don't have to go, but then I think of my daughter and I force myself to go in. Any suggestions or experiences you could share with me would be appreciated. Lisa

Say a little (or a long ) Prayer.....<p>And enter with..... GRACE and DIGNITY any situation where she may be...<p>Do it with class....(hold your head up, feel the fear...and then do it anyway) [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>D2K [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

I can understand how you feel. I know this will happen to me one day. If you know this woman will be present at your child's function, you might want to bring one of your friends along for moral support. If this OW was part of breaking up your M, then I am sure she will feel more uncomfortable than you. Just smile, chin up, and remember you are doing this for your daughter who will respect you in the end.
Kim

Been there, done that, still doing it today....<p>The functions are for the children, not the adult. Go to the function with that in mind. Do your normal socializing and like everybody else said, keep your chin up.<p>The first real "event" that the OM attended was a baton competition with my x in-laws. It ended up being quite funny actually. I had it in my mind that it was probably best if I didn't speak to him or the X for that matter. Well they arrive late and the in-laws come sit on one side of me, the kids next to me, and the x and boy toy on the right side of me and up a row. The in-laws and I had great conversation all day, x & OM just sat there like bumps on a log. As the day progressed the x tried to stir the pot a little but she really just made herself look like more of an idiot with every word she spoke.<p>Since then, they make it a point to sit a little further away. It becomes less uncomfortable. Heck at one function I even said 5 words to him "Hey, you're daughter is hurt".<p>Best of luck

Bill is right on. . . .<p>you go to support the kids, and you do not have to sit with them. If you have any family in the area, bring one or two of them. If you have close family friends, sit amongst them, or go with them . . . at the end, be the first to congratulate your daughter if it is not your weekend, and if it is, allow plenty of time for the other parent to congratulate her, and spend a few minutes together, without interupting.<p>This weekend was the first weekend that OM came to our son's soccer game. . . and daughter did not stay alot with mom and OM, and X and OM left very quickly, more quickly than normal for her after the game. . . I only saw him get into her car, and my parents were there also, so we will see how this goes. . . . <p>but do not give yourself up for your daughter's sake. . .<p>wiftty

Thank you so much for your advice. I feel better knowing other people have faced this unpleasant experience and survived! I think I will bring my mother with me to my daughters next event-that way my ex will stay as far away from me as possible (she is an expert at laying on the guilt). I will try to keep my chin up and think of my daughter but I don't think I will be able to acknowledge this womans presence. I will have to totally ignore her to make it through.

I so feel for you. I am in this same situation. My ex is living with the ow now and they are soon to be married. I haven't had to be with them together yet but am so dreading it. I wonder how there will ever be another happy celebration as we have 4 teens and graduations, weddings, etc. coming up.Things are very tense with my in-laws also. My counselor says it will get easier with time. Who knows, maybe we'll meet someone special to bring, too!

Lonely Mom,
Good Morning. When I heard (through my daughter) that my ex was getting married to his OW I thought I was going to faint. It felt like someone had physically hit me and knocked me down. They have been married for 4 months now and my ex has had many opportunities to bring her to our childs activities but thank god he hasn't. I sometimes wish I could just get it over with-the anticipation may almost be worse. My ex doesn't have any family in this city so I don't have to worry about in-laws (They like me anyway). My ex's OW is four years older than him and I have heard through mutual friends that she is very "weathered and plain". My daughter even said "Mommy she looks just like you but she has a lot of wrinkles". OK, I know physical appearance shouldn't be important but when I first meet this woman there will definitely be comparisons and I am very concerned about that. Grace and dignity- can I buy that some somewhere? Or maybe just borrow it for the occasion? Lisa

SciFi,<p>Wow - you're writing my life! (and you have my name - Lisa - very weird)/<p>My ex got remarried 6 weeks after our divorce to the woman he left me for and bought a house 9 houses down from where I live. It was affair #2 - (that I know of) after a five year reconciliation. We were married 15 years and have two kids...<p>They've been married for a year now. The OW still does not exist in my world....and the only communication I've ever had with her was the day I lost my cool when he brought her to my house and I told her exactly what I think of her...and to tell her to put my children on the phone when she answers the phone at their house...other than that I don't acknowledge her existence at all. It annoys the heck out of my ex [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Good luck!<p>Lisa

Lisa,
Wow, we really do have similiar experiences. I have not even seen my Ex's OW up close. (I passed her in a car one day). He knows she is not welcome at my house and she is not allowed to call here either. I think he realizes that I would confront her immediately if he ever brought her near me. <p> My ex does all the child exchanges and I call him at work for any other issues. <p> My daughter told me he recently installed caller ID so that the OW does not accidently answer the phone when I call. She also stays in the house if I need to stop by to pick up something for my daughter.<p> I think this sounds like guilt to me. I also believe he is covering up lies that he has told the OW about his divorce. She lived in a different city (his hometown) when they met and she may not even know he was still married when they started the A.
How are you able to keep this women out of your life when she is 9 houses away? I can at least take a different street so I don't have to pass their house.
Thank you for sharing your story with me and for your support. I hope you are doing well in your recovery. I can honestly say that I am starting to feel the healing begin. Plus, Victorias Secret was having a big sale today and that always helps the healing process! Take care Lisa

Well, to tell you the truth...I did not get used to it and am moving out of town with my youngest. I cannot stand that woman and the way my ex acts to impress her is to try to undermine me at every turn - so this is the best thing for my kids and me.<p>It's self preservation at this point - I need peace in my life.<p>2 years was more than enough for me.<p>Take care, <p>Lisa (the "oldie" [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )

Hi, I'm stealing something from a guy who posted here (I forgot who it was)<p>He went up to the OM and shook his hand with a big smile and said "Good luck!"<p>The implication was "You're going to need it!"

it might have been me, I want to do that so badly!<p>except all the OM keep fleeing, or are non committal. . . .<p>wiftty