I am in-between a rock and a hard place, and it is driving me insane. Divorced 3 months ago after a rocky 4 yr marriage (7 yr relationship) - my ex and I can't seem to let go of each other. We are in counseling, and he wants to remarry some day. I am having such a hard time living like I am married, but not being married. We live in separate houses, but do everything else together. I keep thinking he has his cake and is eating it too.. I bet there are a lot of men who would love to have a "wife" when convenient (i.e. sex, dinners out, dates, etc), but have the house to himself the rest of the time. He swears being separated is hard on him too, but is not making any big plans about remarrying me any time soon.
I feel like I have one foot in and one foot out of this relationship - my life is not going forward - I am stuck. What can I do? Just be patient and see how counseling goes for a while? I am 43 and not getting younger. The stress from "dating" him is really getting to me. I guess I feel somewhat used?? What can I do to feel less like a wife of convenience? What would make him want me back in our home and married? He wants us to start building our dream home - but I don't feel I can put a lot of myself into a home that may never be "ours."
Has anyone been in this situation before???
There was no infidelity in our marriage - the divorce was a result of lack of communication (I blame him for 99 percent of our problems), and also because he would go for weeks at a time without speaking a word to me when he was mad or upset.... Silent treatment is the worse thing in the world....

Some of your remarks seemed familiar to me. For instance my husband gives me the silent treatment often too if he's unhappy with my behavior.(which seems to be quite often). Also, I have some advice about your situation. I think that it's fine to date your ex-husband, but I think that sex should definitely be off limits. You're right-he is having his cake and eating it too. He has no reason to come back if that behavior continues. If communication was one of your problems, then that is what you should be spending your time on instead. You two should start acting like you did when you first dated(minus the sex if there was any). You both need to relearn how to show eachother respect and consideration. I hope I have been helpful and not discouraging.

Recommend both of you go for marriage counselling. Go to the following website for a good approach to getting your relationship back on track.<p> http://www.pairs.com/

Oh, my thoughts are with you.<p>I know exactly how you're feeling. My XH and I are the same way except not so much in the sex part and our divorce was due to infidelity. <p>We were separated 1 1/2 yrs & our divorce has been final now for 5 months. But he still calls and wants to talk to me when he calls the girls and has wanted to do the married couples things together. But he is still w/ the OW. I've wanted to remain friends w/ him and be good to him in hopes that he would someday really come back to us but I finally had enough. Just recently I've decided that I can no longer be friends because it made me feel like an ant and it was just too hard to swallow. Like he is just using me. <p>But what I've recently decided to do is be nice and strictly only talk about the girls when necessary. I've cut him off from coming over and doing things around my home and talking to me just whenever he feels like it. My mind couldn't take it anymore. <p>You need to read about Plan A/B on this website. It will give you more insight perhaps on what to do and I'm sure you'll get more postings with some helpful advice. Just wanted to let you know that I'm with you.<p>Good luck and stay strong.