Oh so much material to pick from, but here are a few favorites spoken by my WW:

“We are just dating, it isn’t like I’m going to marry him”

“It doesn’t seem like an A since I told you about it right away”

“I don’t want to get together w/ old fiends and family – I don’t want to confuse them”

“If we D, why can’t we just remarry in 10 years?”

And finally, that old sad standby that I’ve seen in many other posts:

“I love you, but I’m not in love with you.” Take care everyone - Karl

mine said last week "things aren't the same between us" and "I don't talk to her as much as I used to" funny he ended up after going out with me to a movie and saying he missed me on Fri night he ended up in OW's city over the weekend!

These are things that my H said when we were discussing his affair. I believe they can be considered "classic":

"I love you, but I'm not passionate about you anymore".

"I would tell the OW that its over, but I don't want to hurt her".

All of this, and more, from a guy who usually has a lot of common sense!

I just thought of this one - had to share it...
1998 - we're separated, although living in the same house and have not drawn up divorce papers or even discussed divorce yet...
My (then) wife comes in and says, "I'm dating Bill my Boss from work. He loves me and has asked me to marry him. I said yes to him."
I said that was nice of her and I'm glad she found someone to treat her well, as I sure couldn't.
Her next sentence: "Will you come to our Wedding?" This is while we were still married...
I told her I sure would come and I even wished them the very best. This all happened while I was still married to her, and her new Fiance was still married to his wife...

Whatever... Does it really matter, I mean, like, who really cares... now. Life is SO much BETTER without her in my life to foul it all up...
When I met the lovely Christian lady who is now my wife, I learned what a TRUE Soul-Mate really is - and how God really intended Marriage to be - when both partners are unselfish and sacrificial to each other. Dr. Harley has so many good concepts that will work if both partners are willing to work on them together.

God bless all y'all! Harold <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

here are a few ...

"I do not love you the way I did when we first got married"

"I love you, but I love her MORE" (!!!)

"she needs me more" (WHAT???!)

"she loves me and she is kind, gentle and understanding" (????X$#%%$%&^!!)

"she is tiny" (!!!)

Just thought of another. In regards to my critcism to my then w living with a married man and having the kids around.

Me: What kind of example is that to show the kids, do you want our daughter living with someone that is married?

Her: It's no different than when you and I lived together(5 months before we got married and both single). Its okay because we are committed to each other.(what happened to our committment?)

Me: Ehhh!!! Never mind.

I couldn't refute that logic.

<small>[ August 09, 2002, 02:19 PM: Message edited by: RWD ]</small>

"There is a mystery about her"

Well - duh. You have know me for over 20 years and she is more mysterious than I am??

When I caught my now XH and best friend in a complete lie, and after exhaustive talks, blah, blah, blah, I decided to get out of the marriage. I asked him "how can you look at yourself in the mirror each day?" He never took ownership of the pain caused by his/her lying for 4+ years or ever really felt bad how I felt. His reaction was "God has forgiven me" (which means it means nothing if I forgive him, if God does) and also "Why can't you just get OVER it" (as if he would do that if I did what he did) and the one that really sticks in my mind when I brought up the subject .... "What do you want me to do? Slit my wrists, bang my head on the wall!!**"

The now XH of mine NEVER soothed any of my hurt, it was like a continual battering of "me, me, me".

That's why I had absolutely NO doubts or regrets to divorce the sorry man who I used to love. He's intelligent when it comes to law, but in romance, he is at an teenage mindframe.

Twwntynine,

That is same thing my x is saying now. God has forgiven her so I should do the same. He appology letter to me was still all about her.

At the request of my fans I have to post this.....

ExH talking to 8 year old son:

"OW and I are getting married today at 7pm, so at that time you look at the clock and say a little prayer for me, me and OW."

Ok, so my question is - what kind of prayer does he want the kid to say? Please don't let them get divorced? or Please don't let them commit adultery? What?!?!?!?!?!?

K

WH told me that I just wanted the PERFECT marriage. Actually a marriage filled with faithfulness and respect would be nice. Does that mean it's perfect ?

<small>[ August 10, 2002, 11:28 PM: Message edited by: WillGetThruThis ]</small>

Here is another WS quote - my stbx states to me that I am totally responsible for the marriage breaking up. He stated in office with lawyers that I am more than 50% responsible for marriage breaking up. Like they weren't responsible. Blame us, why not, they have given us the plate of rotten food to take anyway.

Here's a few quotes I cut and paste from my WW's venting about her feelings about the aftermath of her online A in a public forum. At least she admits to not making much rational sense in some of these quotes...

<strong>"it doesn't make sense...but it's almost like i'm mad at him?
for having gotten hrt by this?

hmm...well, of course it makes sense. i'm used to ppl
getting mad at me for having gotten hrt by their actions.
just applying my scewed rules of social etiquette to the
world..."</strong>

Well, sure, that makes perfect... huh?!

<strong>"i still think it's stupid that he got so hurt. i mean,
it's not like i did this on purpose...and so i had problems
accepting that so i could put on the brakes and stop...he
knows i have problems...it's not like i was continuing
purposly to hurt him..."</strong>

Um... WW? After you knew that what was happening was hurtful and bad for our marriage (me saying "No more [OM], no more Everquest, no more cybersex... or no more marriage. It's up to you." was a pretty big hint), then you continued to do it behind my back... some might consider that doing it "on purpose".

Sometimes WW would feel guilty enough about carrying on with her online As at this point that she would confess to me what she was doing after a few days. Other times I had to catch her at it.

Back to the quotes...

<strong>"and if some of his hurt is based on his own crap from his
own messed up childhood (naw, couldn't possibly be the
case! grrrr), then how'm i sposta know how much i'm
responsible for so i know how bad i'm sposta feel?"</strong>

That's right, WW... blame the victim.

<strong>"[Somehow I] should have (or is supposed to have)
recognized that our affection was inappropriate right from
the start, so as to avoid doing this thing that we didn't
realize was possible without physical contact. it's
maddening. i mean, it's not like i haven't had crushes on
other ppl besides my husb b4, since i've been with the husb.
been pretty seriously obsessed with various ppl over the
years.

the difference here is that the object of my affections
returned them."</strong>

The "difference here", WW, is that you actively pursued a sexual relationship with someone over the Internet, through the Everquest game and instant messaging. You and your online OM spent hours obsessively turning each other on with words and sharing intimate details. You masturbated yourself to multiple orgasms over his messages in front of your computer. You sent digital photos graphically depicting the two of us having sex to your OM. You carried on a love affair over the Internet while you were married to me... and kept trying to after it was discovered.

<strong>"so it feels, wrongly i'm sure, like ... i'm not allowed to
be loved. except by husb. and then only in the ways he
feels like providing it.

makes me feel trapped. like i'm sposta want what he's
willing to offer. but i still have to do whatever he wants
me to do."</strong>

I can't be your OM, WW. All I can do is try to meet the needs that he fulfilled, the needs that keep you in front of your computer and out with other friends and away from me, trying desperately to fulfill them in your OM's absence. I've had to guess at what your top five ENs are because you haven't told me, even after I've showed you mine. And I've tried to meet what it looks to me like your top ENs are when I've seen an opportunity. When you've let me.

Maybe you're too deep in withdrawal right now to do much of this... but I need your reassurance, support and love too. You've shown me what lengths you can go to to protect something and somebody that did major damage to the core of our relationship and hurt me in ways that I didn't believe were possible... mainly because I loved you and trusted you enough to believe that you wouldn't let it be possible. I need to know that I'm not just wasting my time and effort trying to restore our marriage, that I'm not just setting myself up for another fall as soon as another Everquest or another OM comes along and makes you decide "Forget my husband, *this* is all that matters in my life now!"

And I know you're probably too proud, too stubborn and too deep in withdrawal symptoms to take this advice too seriously... but I wish you would do more of what your counselor advised you when we saw him together... "You screwed up. You were caught. It's time for you to make it up to him... you'll need to do some sucking up."

BenFoldsFan

"I'm just an ordinary guy
And all I want is to be loved
Is that so wrong?

Don't think that I don't know
What you're saying about me...
I hear it all through these thin walls."
-- Ben Folds, "Fired"

There's another post from my WW I wanted to quote here... this one deals with material I showed her from the Marriage Builders site. She was telling me about problems she was having with sex and I thought she might find something helpful in the page titled "How To Overcome Sexual Aversion". Anyway, here's what she said:

<strong>"after having the discussion with husband bout me needing to practice saying no, and my telling him that nearly all of my sexual encounters in my lifetime have felt like rape to me, husband went to the marriagebuilders website that he's been reading a *lot* lately (hey, at least i know where he's getting his psycho-babble),"</strong>

Well, at least she knows that I'm working on finding solutions by being on this site a *lot*. And it's good to know that she's perceptive enough to dismiss what's here as psycho-babble after reading very little of it... and trying to do even less.

Back to the quote...

<strong>"... and pulled up an article on treating sexual 'aversion'. i was insulted."</strong>

"...nearly all of my sexual encounters in my lifetime have felt like rape to me...", that's what she said. Yes, she's including the 10 1/2 years of our sexual relationship when she says "my lifetime". So where does the "insulted" part come in... not understanding that somehow what WW is describing isn't an "aversion"? Or trying to show her something that may give her some helpful advice?

<strong>"i read thru it, and i guess the guy has some good ideas - though it's pretty much what i was gonna be doing, just layed out more logically or whatever..."</strong>

Good to know that she approves of what matches up with her own ideas... I should mention at this point that my WW has been doing a pretty good job of tuning out whoever says whatever she doesn't want to hear. She's been leaving a lot of good friends by the wayside doing that... along with me, many times.

<strong>"anyways, i skipped ahead a bit to the final stages (la la laaa)..."</strong>

So she didn't actually "read thru it"...

<strong>"... and read the tripe he suggested for actually *doing* it, and got very sad.

that's the stuff i was working on with [her OM].

it really hurts really bad that i found someone who *wanted* to work with me on my issues about sex, and i'm not allowed to talk to him ever again.

i miss him... "</strong>

I think the part of the article she's referring to is the part about talking to your husband about having sex with him... describing sexual situations to him while he just listens, that sort of thing. This is just a *little* bit different from conducting a cybersex affair with her OM, but like I said, she sees and hears just what she wants to.

One of my WW's big rationalizations for wanting the cybersex affair to continue was that it was good for her, therapeutic for her... she would say how much more she was getting done "working on her issues" with her OM in a few weeks than she was ever getting done in her years of therapy. My WW, of course, wasn't chalking this up to the temporary emotional lift that most WS's get from their As... she would say her OM was a "healer" and only wanted what was best for her. You'll see more of this thinking in action as I quote more of her post...

<strong>"i'm having problems, i guess, cuz my friend and i were in the middle of working on my specific issues when husband tore us apart. i remember that i felt like i'm not allowed to get fixed before i shut myself up inside for awhile..." </strong>

Thanks for minimizing the relationship between you and your OM by calling him a "friend", by the way...

<strong>"so i can't go into my secret garden, cuz that's where my friend used to wait for me, and either he's there and i'm not allowed to go in to talk to him, or he's not there, and i can't bear the loneliness with him gone.

"he wanted to help me. for me. made him feel good to help me.

"husband wants to help me for him. and if what he wants to do to help doesn't help, he gets mad. feels hurt.

"my friend always seemed to say the right things when i was scared. i didn't know what 'the right thing' would have been at the time. but he'd respond in exactly the right way, and it would heal something inside.

i miss him."</strong>

So here's what I'm up against, folks... trying to Plan A against a memory of someone who my WW felt could look straight into her head from across an internet connection and always say "the right thing". Guess it's obvious that I don't have that psychic skill or at least a good ability to fake it, otherwise we wouldn't be having the problems we do now. And naturally an online relationship feels much safer than a real life one... there's none of the risks that come with physical proximity, no pitfalls of living with each other daily to overcome.

Then there's the idea that her OM would have no problem with anything she wanted to say or do. Of course in the crush stage of a love affair, it's impossible for the OP to do or say anything wrong. And if WW wants to complain about me like she very often did, of *course* her OM is going to support everything she says! And many things that I saw in their conversations after I discovered the online A indicated that her OM was just as obsessed with my WW as she was with him... which makes his motives for wanting to "help" her not quite as unselfish as she wants to believe.

Another thing I'm up against in my own head as I try to Plan A... the thought of what lengths she'll apparently go to to hang on to whatever or whoever comes along that she sees as good for "her issues"... no matter how much it hurts her marriage and me.

I think that's enough quoting and venting for now.

BenFoldsFan

"In this time of introspection
On the eve of my election
I say to my reflection:
'God, please spare me more rejection!' "
-- Ben Folds, "Army"

Still another,(geez, why do I have to have such a good memory?)

Her: you never kiss me, mike(om) would kiss me deeply, french kiss me, etc.

Me: Not saying anything because I holding back from puking.

Her: See, we can't talk about anything!

I don't know your stories here on the Divorced/Divorcing forum, but I know how I am feeling now. It's been almost a yr since my divorce is final, I have NO desire to date, I am relieved and over the anger of XH rotten behavior and I want to move on.

I'd like to see a forum guiding those who have "moved on" after divorce and know where the accepted pitfalls might come -- which are bound to happen.

I hate being naive, but it was my trusting side and naivety that let me fall for what I thought were truthful words.

It is scary as heck right now for me to go forward -- I mean, I felt so SURE my ex-best girlfriend and my ex-H were at least being honest with me.

To come to the realization that my H and BF could lie so convincingly, what does that say about wanting to trust anyone else in the future?

Well, so be IT. I will NOT let their behavior deter me from where I go from here. I WILL NOT LET THEIR BETRAYAL make me a wallflower for the rest of my life.

DANG IT!

OK, here's my favorite:
Separated husband (WS) is working on his PhD in music out of state; that is where he met OW. He gives me this reason for why he's not happy and is leaving:

"Her (OW) soul can understand my soul through music in a way that you never could. Our inner beings just connect deep down, and it's so beautiful and moving we both cried after our recital for the class. "

After being married 25 years he finds this out?? Guess he forgot who supported him through his undergrad, graduate, and 3/4 of this doctorate degree?!?! Now I would need to become a classical violinist in 24 hours to compete with her!

<small>[ August 11, 2002, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

It is so funny how all cheaters think they are so original. I've heard so many of those quotes myself. One of my favorites was....

"You will be just fine without me. You have your family, friends, and God. OW has no one besides me."

Ummmmm....how about her husband? Or her very young sons she chose to leave for my H?

I'm a year out from the final separation, and all I can do is thank God that I don't have to deal with any of that anymore!!!

Krista

I thought of few more quotes spoken by my WW &#8211; so much fog, so little time:

&#8220;I hate him (OM), he drives me crazy, but I just may love him.&#8221;

&#8220;He (OM) may be bi-polar, you are just so steady - dependable steady Karl.&#8221; Thanks!

&#8220;If you love someone (to me), set them free.&#8221; Nice going Sting!

&#8220;Maybe God put me in his (OM) life to help him. . . .&#8221; OM&#8217;s ex-W and 4 kids might think otherwise.

&#8220;On the MB pages, there doesn&#8217;t seem to be enough sympathy for the WS point of view &#8211; everyone sees WS as the villains.&#8221;

&#8220;I think I can have it all!&#8221; - you go girl! Take care - Karl