Weelllll? If after all that he/she has put you through, would you take the plunge again if they came to their senses and honestly wanted to repair the damage they have done?

Has

I wanted to say I be his friend, only if he gave up OW. I know he is thinking about it, not because of love for me or lack of love for her but after 3 1/2 yrs, he has a hard time living with himself. If he left her, I stand his friend, help he get over the withdrawnal but I don't think he is strong enough. He wishes he was.

Would I date him, I don't know, would I remarry, I really don't know.

Hell no! Not if he was the last man on earth.

Clear enough????

God would have to send down tablets from a mountain with engraved instructions and some really bad consequences if I was to even consider it.

I'm glad I'm free to live and to love and to give to someone else that might appreciate it and love me back. Hopefully in 2-3 years I'll be ready to start looking for that person. In the meantime, I plan to ignore XH's existance.

PP

My x confirmed what I thought she thought of me, she didn't have any respect for me, so why would I even bother with that.

While she is still a beautiful woman, I've found out, the hard way, that beauty is only skin deep.

The woman I am with now is just a lot of fun. I guess what scares me is that my x was too in the beginning.

Would I take my ex back? Lets just say that a snowball would stand a better chance of surviving a vacation in hell!!

Seriously, I would never take her back. And I really don't know if I could ever trust her enough to be her friend.

Griz

Hmm. Interesting. I said "yes" to the questions about remarriage and dating, but "no" to the question about being friends.

If my wife were to realize what she has done and wanted to work on rebuilding our relationship, that's one thing. I'd jump at the chance, but take as much time as necessary.

If she were to realize what she has done but still wanted to pretend that we were never married...no, I don't think so.

I forgave my wife long ago. As far as I am concerned, she owes me nothing, since everything I gave her, I gave her freely.

But I will not pretend to be something I am not. I believe that in God's eyes I am my wife's husband.

No, the women I married was a fake. The women I thought I married was honest, caring, trustworthy, unselfish and totally committed to family. The women who bares my last name now is the complete opposite.

TRUST is the issue with me. For the sake of my children and the ideals of a whole family that they could grow up in I would think about it. However, as far as I am concerned, she has irreparably broken the trust that I had for her. It was hard enough getting over the first affair and 2 EAs, but to be breaking myself trying to do everything to make her happy, and her saying that she was so happy, and that I had changed 100%, and that she never thought that she could feel so good and that she never thought that I could have done what I did, AND THEN leave me saying once again "there is no one else", I can't abide her ignorance. She truly believes that I am as stupid as she is I suppose.

I have a theory that we all treat others like we think we are. She always acted like, and stated many times, that she thought I was going to leave her and have an affair right when I finished my residency. That is exactly, EXACTLY what she did instead. I always trusted her, because I never thought about an affair. This created the situation in which she was "allowed" to explore what she thought I was doing, and I "allowed" it because I thought she was doing what I was doing, ie being honest. I think that cheaters and liars assume everyone does it because they do. I think that generally honest and upstanding people assume that everyone, or most everyone, is honest and would not do the types of things that the honest people wouldn't even dream of doing. Think about how different you all were from your spouses. Did you ever REALLY consider having an affair, much less have one or several? Then after being caught, lie or rationalize it away?

My theory is that everyone assumes everyone else acts and thinks like they do, and therefore, everyone given the opportunity would act like they have acted, therefore, there is nothing wrong with their actions.

I almost forgot to answer the question. Would I marry her again? NO !!!

Would I STAY married to her? I think I would if there was TONS, and TONS of work on her part. She is of the type however, where work is the long term for shortcut. She is happy with who she is, as she has stated many times. I guess we will have to wait until my sons confront "how she is". It would be interesting to see her reaction if my sons ever ask her "What happened?" and she pulls the old "incompatibility" arguement. I would like to see her try to stand up to the scrutiny of my oldest son. He is brilliant and I think will see right through her. He loves her, but he is not nearly as dense as I bet she wishes he was. Time will tell. I will not offer any information, I guess if he is older and really pumps me I may explain my version and then he can always ask his mother what she thought about it, but I absolutely would not offer it. This is between his mother and me. Unfortunately, my wonderful boys get to take the brunt of it. It must be nice to be oblivious to the results of your actions.

My wife in a nutshell... (Do unto others, before they have a chance to do the same thing unto you.)

<small>[ August 29, 2002, 10:59 PM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

I probably would want to try again--even after some of the hurt. I wonder why at times--since I am trying to move on. Been dating a very wonderful man--probably happier than I've ever been. Nice to know that men can communicate and be affectionate. Nice to have someone actually show and tell you that they care for you. I knew the ex did--he just never opened up or showed it that much. Even 2 days before the papers were to be signed (April 2002) he said he was sorry, he still had feelings and cared about me, and maybe if in a couple years neither of us found anyone we could get back together. SO, what was that supposed to mean. If he didn't find better, than I was good enough. Ours is a friendly divorce--but still hard at times. He was the one who said he wasn't happy. I tried my hardest--he just didnt' care enough to even try. Even though I am seeing someone, and very happy--hard knowing the ex is seeing someone. When does that ever go away? Seems after I moved out--we have talked more than we did when married. Of course right now the guy I am seeing is so much more of the right type of person. But, if he weren't in the picture--I would probably be dumb enough to try again with the ex--if he wanted. Guess I got off topic here some--just needed to vent a bit I guess. Hope everyone is doing well!!!!

NO WAY!!!!!! He will NEVER change, would not risk being hurt by his kind ever again!!
He will NEVER be marriage material to anyone.

My life is finally "peaceful" and good, and it keeps getting better <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Absolutely without a doubt. Now that may change in the future. Right now I am a friend to my XW. It is hard at times, but at least I'm getting a little more truth from her. The truth when you know it is the truth is much easier to deal with. When you don't know is when it is hard.

I would in a second. Of course I am the WS so it would take a lot of repairing the damage that I caused. I would give my life if my wife would answer that question as yes some day.

I love my wife very much and would do anything to repair us to the oneness we once were.

Love in Christ
cajunky

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hasatude:
<strong>Weelllll? If after all that he/she has put you through, would you take the plunge again if they came to their senses and honestly wanted to repair the damage they have done?

Has</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you really serious? To quote my Dad - if you really would want to date your ex again... then "You apparently haven't had enuff of the Garbage Can."
My answer to would I date my ex - NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
'Nuff Said...
Harold

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Hasatude:
<strong>Weelllll? If after all that he/she has put you through, would you take the plunge again if they came to their senses and honestly wanted to repair the damage they have done?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, I'd quite honestly rather be poked in the eye with a stick! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

In the past two years, I've come to know my XW without the "blinders" that love often puts over one's eyes. I'm one of those "knight in shining armor" guys who thought he'd found a diamond in the rough. After 6 years of polishing, I was left with a very shiny lump of coal!

I frankly don't understand what I saw in her.

I just stopped dancing and took your poll. Not sure, yes, not sure.

Not at all if he didn't get his soul right. He'd have to give up his man of mystery lifestyle and the shaguar he drives around in as well as have a spiritual awakening.

I miss that man. I married that man, not this wierd, strange one.
I mean this, two weeks ago he drops off our son at the front door and has son hand me the spousal support check waving it smiling at me. Poor son didn't know what it was. Probably thought it was some kind of treat. Anyway, Austin was wearing this really loud shirt, some ripped jeans and these very strange sandals (almost looked like some in my closet, you know woven flat mules) and these insect like dark glasses at 4 pm. I said to him, "where are you going all dressed up (stifling my hilarity)?". He said he had tickets to the Lenny Kravitz/Pink show. Hey that's great! I said. Then he left. As he drove off in his babe mobile, i said to myself, great if you are planning to pick up a 19 year old at the concert 'cause that's what'll be there for the most part. And that's too bad 'cause I like Kravitz' new cd.

Not even an option. . . .

Given the new men my X has dated, she wants a BF,SO,H that works with her in the same job. . . just like her parents. . . for me, that was impossible, but also, i can't go backwards in my career, life experiences and knowledge. . . . which it would require. . . so like the MB philosophy which says try to return to the courtship days, can't even come close. . . and when i did offer it, several times in the past, she couldn't deal with it. . . she is all about what could she can get from everyone else, . . . at the moment, without any responsiblity, she outright lied to me the other day, and avoids straightforward communication so nothing has changed. . . .

second, as a manipulator, and a blamer, and as an emotionally disordered, control freak, i wish her next H the best of luck. . . . . . . and i will bet that it lasts less than 5 years. . . if she finds anyone that she can manipulate for that long. . .