Well Peachy, take a board and knock me up side the head.

Frickin' WS said she needs help getting into apt. Fine...sign the sep. agreement. She says fine.

I'm in Maryland teaching a software class. She calls 8 times in a panic...must have a certified check or cash. Please, please...etc.

I call during a break and she says she promises to sign agreement, but she needs $ today or she will lose apt. Like an idiot, I wire $ into her acct. She says thank you in a sweet voice.

Later, I call and ask, did you sign?

Oh...the notary was gone when I got there, so I will go Thursday...this time her voice was not so sweet...

Peachy, GIIC, et. al....next time she asks, I need you all to tell me HELL NO!!!!!

I swore to her not ever another dime...(I am so pi--ed at myself!!!).

She wants to borrow my car to help move some more stuff out of house...I laughed and said when you sign...she got angry at me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...

She took all of her hook rugs and furniture because "Joe does is a typical bachelor and I told him I am doing the decorating" (God help poor Joe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

Everyone...make sure you always remind me..."Do not trust her and don't send money!!!!"

Pete

I know how you feel I was a sucker for trusting my WW not because I was an idiot, it was because I was still in the mentality that this is my W and I have always trusted her with everything only to find out she only saw me as someone that she could take an advantage of because she knew I cared.....It wasn't till recently I realized she wasn't interested in my financial well being but only to what she could benefit from me in her sly and selfish ways......I felt like a fool in May I gave her a personal check for CS and a loan pmt well we had agreed prior this is what the check was for however when she got it she got amnesia and saw I put in the memo space [CS/blank] and kept the whole thing and spent it to herself and left the loan company hanging....she saw a loophole on the document just like an embezzlar does.

I remember when she first left me I did the beg and cry thing, give her what she wanted trying to keep her and persuade her while she had OM's she saw me as weak and her strong, she used me bigtime to her advantage, like you she came running when she needed something with that sweet voice.

Since then I don't trust her one bit and she can't be trusted, I realized she was no longer my friend but a stranger, so any financial transaction in the future with her will be heavily documented and all ends tight just like when you're dealing with a stranger when suspect they're shady, you guard yourself...my xw is not the same person anymore, you have to treat them different now in the area of money, they trust you but you can't trust them.

Sorry to hear about that. No, no board upside your head. Say that Joe can pay now. And if Joe can not pay then it is too bad.

Do not let her borrow your car. Have her borrow Joe's car. She wants Joe, then Joe must help. Joe must learn how to be an effective breadwinner. Joe must learn how to trust someone who is untrustworthy. Basically, evauate your situation. I am back in a heavy B since meltdown yesterday. I am hurt and angry that I allowed H to come over and spend the night when he has never shown any remorse, any sign of reconciliation.

It is hard b/c we remember them the way they used to be and now they have morphed into this strange creature void of good choices and morality. Step back and be loving at a distance and that is it. Let Joe learn his lessons in cheating with your W. Soon Joe will feel like Joe Dirt.

How long since A started? What does everyone think about it? My H's A lasted much longer since it hit light of day (one year and a half) and he may have initiated contact w/her again over this weekend and with my son in his weekend custody. He also did not bring my son back today as promised. No call, nothing. I am steaming mad. He is just as irresponsible as before. Betting that he and OW are back together or something b/c he is back acting like he doesn't have a care or a responsibility in the world. When my son comes back, he will get a message about this from his lawyer. I always return from a trip with son on day I say so. No excuses.

Thanks EC & Peach...

I am not sure when A started...at least 4 months ago...

I think she is in the euphoric PA stage...(the higher they fly...)

I told her statistically, these relationships never last more than two years, then he will probably cheat on her...she gave me the deer in headlights look (e.g., "That could never happen to us, we're too in love...")

After knowing WS with her mask off, I almost feel sorry for little Joey (WS hates when I call him that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )--but not quite!!

Where were all the trustworthy, reliable, fun-lovining, non-narcissistic, non-materialistic women when I was single!?! LOL

Also, next time or if you see Joe Dirt, say a la Friends--hey, how YOU doin? ha ha.

Do a Butaffuco joke. That should liven things up. I am in the crapper tonight, emotionally, but can find always somehow a laugh somwhere. You can email me and I will give you OW's real name for a laugh. It is even worse than little Joey's. Oh, and you could do a kangaroo joke and hop around their yard (kangaroos are called Joeys when they are babies). You should bring over all the stuff you've been wanting to get rid of at a yard sale, the really stupid stuff and let them have it. Just bring boxes of it over. That would be fun.

I am being a bit stupid here, but I have had an awful day and am just trying to liven it up a bit and smile somehow. When I was getting my nails done, my manicurist knows what's been going on with my H and OW and the whole wacked out thing so she gave me a George Carlin book to read. Hence, the above suggestions. I need to go buy that book. The language is far from anything I would ever use public or private, but it is funny and when she handed it to me I was almost in tears but after reading a page or two, was coming back around.

Let Joey keep the bathroom door in the morning when he's doing his business and see how that busts the romance/fantasy bubble. See how Joey likes it if your W has morning breath and no makeup and hair a mess. That is the stuff of real life. And they are going to get a crash course in it. Like the differences between fantasy island vs. survivor. One was a real show, another just made up. Real life is tough and not anything like fantasy. If it were not so, then why would I buy a romance novels? Fantasy is never like reality.

Peachy:

Cannot find your e-mail...too dang early in the morning...

Got to take kids to before school care...

Have a great day!!

Pete

Time to move on,

I've done the same thing over and over, I just hope I've learned now, but only time will tell.

They have no honor, no respect for themselves and no respect for us. They are only nice to us when they need something.

Through trusting my ex to do the honorable, right thing, as he promised, I got burned every time.

Such as I got the house in the divorce agreement, he agreed to this, one of the things he got was an insurance check for reimbursement. I had promised him the entire check, along with some other things if I get the house, but my attorney wouldn't agree and negotiated half of the check. Anyway, he was so upset about it, complaining that I went back on my word, and I said, "I promised this to you, I'm not going back on my word and I handed over the whole check to him." After he got it, when it came time for him to sign the deed of trust for the house he said, "I'm not signing it, I just don't want to." Now I have to spend more of my money to take him back to court and hear a judge order him to sign it.

What makes me even a bigger idiot is I knew what kind of person he was capable of already, he had already cashed in a $6,000 life insurance policy, without my permission and spent it all without giving me half.

I'm learning to not turn over anything to him until he does the things he is suppose to do...but at huge cost to me. Money I don't have!

Learn to say, "No." Let them be mad and think we are jerks...so what.

ANNA

Time to move on -

Of course you're not an idiot, you are a compassionate person trying to deal with someone you love who has a problem.

I believe that my father has BPD and so both my mother and I know what you are going through.

The support groups are a great source of strength and help keep you on the right road - and I mean groups alike al-anon and coda. You need to learn to detach with love, jsut like people who live with any other type of addicted spouses.

It's great that you are educating yourself so that you can be prepared emotionally for what is happening.

Just keep reminding yourself everyday - tough love is what's needed.

Hang in there! K

Never give a drug addict money. Period. End of story.
You know this and yet, you have to keep being reminded of it. The money did not go to the apartment. The money went up her nose (or whatever her drug of choice is today). You so desperately want this not to be true that you are grasping for illusions. I understand that and sympathize greatly with you, but you have to do your best to think logically about this when dealing with an addict.

What kind of apartment complex (or landlord) would only take cash or certifed funds? None in any area that I would want to live in. I would bet 4 million dollars she still doesn't have a deposit on an apartment. And the notary wasn't gon and she ain't signing on Thursday.

Expect to hear from her again when she needs her next fix. Probably won't be too long.

Good luck.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Not peachy in GA:
<strong> Say that Joe can pay now. And if Joe can not pay then it is too bad. Have her borrow Joe's car. She wants Joe, then Joe must help. Joe must learn how to be an effective breadwinner. Joe must learn how to trust someone who is untrustworthy.
It is hard b/c we remember them the way they used to be and now they have morphed into this strange creature void of good choices and morality. Step back and be loving at a distance and that is it. Let Joe learn his lessons in cheating with your W. Soon Joe will feel like Joe Dirt.
No excuses.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What great Advice! Please please take it!!! She is so right - our former Mates become the Greatest Con Artists Of All Time - believe it. Does anyone remember that old O'Jays song, The Back-Stabbers? Sure you do... 'they smile in your face - all the time wanna take your place' Like so many of you, after my ex and I split, about all I was good for was a Convenient On-Call Babysitter, Handy fix-it Repairman, Money Tree, well you get the idea... But when I requested anything very simple - like just coming over and getting one of my OWN TOOLS - things suddenly changed. "NO! NO! I'm calling the police if you set foot on my property! You go away!" Are you getting the idea here...
Bottom line: THEY USE YOU. DON'T LET THEM. THEY MADE THEIR BED, SO LET THEM SLEEP IN IT. MOVE ON WITHOUT THEM - THAT IS THE CHOICE THEY FORCED ON YOU. DON'T ENABLE THEM...
Harold