Free Indeed, you bring up a very significant point when you said, "He breaks the law, but he is very discreet about it. He doesn't like getting caught!"

My ex takes great joy in cheating people and stealing from them, and then getting away with it.

It started with borrowing money from friends and relatives under false pretenses and with no intention of paying it back. It was a small step from there to borrowing money via credit cards and bank loans and defaulting and declaring bankruptcy. Of course, there is no real punishment for these acts. So what if relatives are disappointed? So what if the bank has to charge off a loan? Getting away with this, he got brave enough to commit forgery, and pass bad checks. These things brought a slap on the wrist from judges, IF he was caught, IF he was prosecuted, and IF they didn't buy his very sincere excuse. The bottom line was, these things paid off in his favor - handsomely. Then he moved to actually stealing - shoplifting from stores, taking things from neighbor's yards and cars, picking up purses that were unattended... and because HE didn't like to get caught either, he'd have our children do the actual stealing. If they were caught, he would admonish them and make them put the object back. He combines ALL of these things to produce an "income" enough to support a $100k per year lifestyle. Remorse? He did not know the meaning of the word.

Just one example:

During our divorce, the judge ordered the marital home sold and the equity (about 200k) divided between us. My ex and his girlfriend lived in the house. Thinking he would be allowed to keep the house and I would be forced to pay for it, he had completely renovated and refurnished our 5300 sq foot residence to suit her tastes. He also did the same to HER house, they bought all new clothes, he gifted her with not only MY jewelry but bought thousands of dollars of new things as well, they leased two cars, and they ate dinner at fine restaurants every night and took many lavish vacations - all on credit. Once the judge ordered the house to be sold, he defaulted on his bills, and liens were put against the house, eventually robbing me of my share of equity. Of course, he wouldn't get any equity either - he bit off his nose to spite his face. So when it came time to leave, he just HAD to get some money out of it.

The new owners had a walk through the day before the closing. Late that evening, my neighbor looked out the window and saw a white truck by the garage. Over the next few hours, my ex and the driver loaded the truck with our carpets, chandeliers, ALL of the kitchen appliances, including those that were built in, the central vaccuum system, our air conditioning units, furnaces, pool heater and filter, and outside lighting fixtures. In short, everything that could possibly be ripped out of the house was put in that white truck and then the neighbor saw the driver count money out into my Ex's outstretched hand. She didn't think much of it, she just assumed the new owners did not want the things, so they were being removed and my ex was making a little money off of it.

Not so. The new owners PAID for those things as part of the purchase part of the house. Moments after taking possession the next day, the police were at the house. They sued me and my ex, as the former owners. When I heard about this, I called my neighbor and found out what she knew, then I called my oldest daughter, who had moved out of the house but was still in touch with her father. She told me, "He said, those <insert ethnic slur here> didn't pay enough for the house. I need more money." and felt perfectly justified taking it out himself. He was very proud that he made $40,000 selling the stuff.

I was living 1000 miles away, and had tried to convince my attorney that my ex was crazy for quite some time. She didn't really believe my stories... no one does, lol.. they are just too outlandish. Sooo... after court I answere the phone to hear my normally soft spoken councilor screaming, "I AM GOING TO KILL YOUR CRAZY F*ING HUSBAND!" I laughed, and said, "GREAT!" and then, "What did he do?"

He stood up in front of the judge, told him that he was terribly sorry for the new owners loss, but HE was not to blame. He produced receipts from a hotel in West Virginia for that weekend, claiming he and his girlfriend went on a little vacation. He didn't know anything about a truck at the house. The first he heard of the theft was when the police contacted him, the day AFTER the closing. Since the new owners went out to dinner with their attorney for several hours after the closing, it was entirely possible the theft took place while THEY were the owners of the property.

The judge looked at the nice young couple who had just taken on a huge mortgage to buy their dreamhouse, and said, "sorry".

My ex had a really good laugh leaving the courthouse. He drills into our children's head that this behavior is not only OKAY, but they are very smart for doing these things. The rest of the world - especially judges and social workers and anyone else who obeys the law - are incredibly stupid people who Deserve to be mislead and cheated. The kids believe him. Why SHOULDN'T they? He rarely gets caught, knows the law up down and sideways so if he is caught he gets off by making some clever excuse, and he has NEVER done a day in jail. Clearly, if he was doing something WRONG, he would be punished. Instead, he has a lovely home and car, beautiful furniture and clothes, he married a rich widow whose father is a minister, and his cleverness at making money allows him to pursue a degree in law.

Doitright:

Sorry about that. Glad you're much closer and from NY. I am so glad to hear how you triumphed over this bad situation and you and your child are happy now. Your xH must have put you through so much. I can understand. He is always wanting or trying to find a way to benefit all actions he takes. He is a planner and plans ahead to see how everything will be for Him. Actually after reading your post, I think we could have been married to the same man ..lol..Mine is actually in a lawsuit suing a federal entity for "wrongful prosecution". They don't like to be scrutinized do they? Mine too believes he is too slick for even slick willie himself.

DJTbird: Thanks for the info my friend. Checked the puter out and it is ok. Maybe just more smoke or fog he is blowing out his !ss. You are right about the IM and what to do. I now understand hanging up is ok.

wifty: Thanks. I have read your posts also. Seems hard to understand or deal with unless you've walked in our shoes.

jurali: Thank you also. I am checking out the links as we speak and will post later on after putting son to bed.

Free Indeed: I am glad you also have survived this also. Mine is also suing for "somebody else's mistake" and the mistake happy someone is a federal entity. Mine also makes lots of dough and is quick to believe he is entitled to everything and everyone as well.

Gotta go, I have next door neightbor's son over here playing with my son (his best friend) and they want some animal crackers and milk now.

I'll be back a little later on.

Did I write the original post, wow, it sounds like my story. But he was diagnosed as Bipolar, and boy is he ever, narsacistic, cruel, but charismatic, could sell anyone anything, (in fact thats what he usualy does for a living) and I have learned more recently he was fired from his great job for stealing a lap top, financed a car in his 17yr old sons name (child from previous marriage) Is behind on all his child support, filed bankruptcy chapter 13 which was denied, and he was told to file a chapter 7, him and girlfriend are getting public assistance (food stamps) and here's the cherry to top it off they are on a trip to the Bahamas as I write this. Claiming poverty but in the Bahamas. He has no remorse, no concept of good/evil. It is like he is possesed.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by No More Drama:
<strong>Did I write the original post, wow, it sounds like my story. But he was diagnosed as Bipolar, and boy is he ever, narsacistic, cruel, but charismatic, could sell anyone anything, (in fact thats what he usualy does for a living) and I have learned more recently he was fired from his great job for stealing a lap top, financed a car in his 17yr old sons name (child from previous marriage) Is behind on all his child support, filed bankruptcy chapter 13 which was denied, and he was told to file a chapter 7, him and girlfriend are getting public assistance (food stamps) and here's the cherry to top it off they are on a trip to the Bahamas as I write this. Claiming poverty but in the Bahamas. He has no remorse, no concept of good/evil. It is like he is possesed.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(((((Do It Right)))) Man have you been thru the mill! My heart goes out to you. BUTT (there's that big butt again) read this post from NMD - it's only a MATTER OF TIME before all this catches up with him... Only a matter of time...
You'll see... Only a matter of time.
God bless you, Harold

DJ, it would indeed be gratifying and validating if Something caught up with him. He's borrowing from the mafia to pay off his IRS debt, and a man whose name he forged was recently named county prosecutor and has been indicting all of his cronies one by one. Wishing my ex a natural death would be a kindness.

NMD, I think they follow the same script! Stealing from employers, getting loans in relative's names, making sure the taxpayers support them and pay off their old debts while they run up even more debt on luxuries most of us can't afford. My ex would jump through hoops to get anyone else to pay his bills (ie, mortgage, electric, food, insurance, clothes for the kids), or he would put it on credit then default on them. He lived in our home four years without paying the mortgage... he filed SEVEN forms of bankruptcy to stall foreclosure. Meanwhile, he completely redecorated the house, had a cook for the kids, a maid, pool service, lawn service, leased two cars, new clothes, had his hair dyed and nails done, gifted his girlfriend with jewels and vacations, and they ate out every night - all on a $20k per year salary.

Peachy, there is a method behind this madness. I used to think I married Dr Jeckyll and got Mr Hyde. I was confused. He had so firmly imprinted all of the signs that said he loved me, I couldn't just "let go" of the marriage. I was a fighter, and I would do whatever I could to help him... to FIX him.

Then I read an article on the internet by someone who was married to a man who had ASPD... and although I can't quote it exactly, she said something like, "I thought he was the meanest man alive, until one day I woke up and realized, that is not NORMAL".

Her words woke ME up too. She was right. Behavior like this is NOT normal. I consulted his physician, and the three different marriage councilors we had seen over the years. They ALL said he needed to see a psychiatrist but none had ever said WHY. Reluctant to make a diagnosis on their own, they all told me had the signs of being a psychopath or sociopath.

Then, I had to come to terms with the fact that I was not ever going to get my wonderful husband back. I fell in love with an illusion - a carefully staged ACT the monster put on to win me. The act was dropped only after he had me firmly "trapped" - and I do not use that word lightly, nor do I mean trapped in a co-dependent relationship. I mean, he was expert at control through intimidation and punishment, and he kept me in the house out of fear of what would happen to our children if I left. Eventually it came to that... and the devistation was all I had feared, and worse... but staying would have meant our death.

The thing is, you CANNOT apply MB policies to a marriage where one partner has a severe personality disorder. They have NO Giver, ONLY the Taker exists in them. Get as much support as you can from friends and family and abuse groups, document his criminal activities and abuse, find a judge sympathetic to your situation, and get as far away from him as you can.

Rest assured as I have said before, the best revenge is pressing on, and living well. He may seem untouchable now but Karma will find him. Turned out H was getting foodstamps for my kids who live with me!! He and new wife, they got married, are being charged with welfare fraud! Even if the restitution is from god know that it wont be overlooked forever. Do right, live right, know that you are not alone and that rightousness will get you further than all the money in the world. Integirty and Honor are a few of the things are left behind with the people we touch during our lives, and when he dies the only thing people will recall is what a conman he is!!