Ok Jo,

Now that I've caught you on the MB boards don't think you can get away without an update. Lora tells me you have been working really hard and says you are doing well...but Jo, that is just not enough info! There are so many of us here that miss your wonderful advice and just your presence here. There was even a thread here a few weeks ago (I don't remember who posted it) looking for you.

I know the boards can be draining, but you have such wonderful adivce for us here in D/D...and other forums that your absence has truly been missed.

I don't post a lot, but some issues (especially about kids) still get to me and I find I'm still drawn here.

Sorry we kept missing each other on the phone - I'd love to talk , but in the meantime, tell us how you're doing ok?

~signed...the other Jo

Hi Jo, I thought you said you posted something here and I cant find it.

Allison, hum, would like to see a little more of you around here too.

I am offically moving to the divorce board. And hopefully officially moving forward.

Well, I guess we swingin' divorcees need to stick together huh?

Lora...sorry to see you move over here hon, but I've gotten so much help on the D/D boards over the years. It's ok to be a little bitter and evil over here sometimes. I know, you're the Plan A queen and bitter and evil are not in ya' but stick around...one day when you need to vent there will be many here that understand.

Jo, you, me and CJack have all posted here today...we have a little reunion going. Good to see you all.

allison

Allison,
Thanks for the pep talk. I see many have gone before me and survived, and even eventaully thrived. But I am a little stuck in disbelief and what ifs this week. But I guess life does not come with do overs.

Hi Allison-Jo,

I'm LMAO all the wayyyyyy about "Caught you!"

Lora was right, I've been working so much, sometimes in the mornings I don't remember if I went home or not and slept.

With the electronic industry on it's ear and the economy so unstable, I've been trying to show my worth here at Intel. I still love my career here so much, and want to see us emerge stronger than ever. So I'm doing my part.

Anyhooo, enough about work. I don't have an update per say. My ex and OW have been engaged since February '02. They were supposed to be married by now (targeted for the end of the summer). But so far, no nuptuals.

I haven't seen Ryan (OC) in over 3 mos. There was an incident where Steve (ex) and I had booked him on the same week-end and Ry chose me over Steve, which didn't go over big AT ALL. Steve tried to force Ry to go with him and Ry locked himself in the bathroom. Lots of screaming and crying.

So since that incident I've felt my presence in his life is causing problems. That's exactly what I don't want for Ryan. I want his life to be stable and I pray to God every single day that Steve and his new family will remain that way if only for Ryan's sake. Although there's a small part of me that still wishes they'd crash and burn.

Allison, I miss Ryan so much, my heart breaks and actually hurts when I think of him.I see his bicycle in the garage every evening and well up a bit. I completely fell in love with that little boy.

And ex, well I haven't had ANY contact thank the good Lord.

I'm not dating, I've been approached but I fear it. I could never take being hurt again. Not even in the slightest, I'd crumble. So avoiding it and staying solely on my own is the only safe bet, for now.

I pray every morning now, and I've promised God I'll be obedient to Him. I've asked Him to help me be the best person I can be. He's the only one who truly knows my heart. I'm just trying not to make too many mistakes, or hurt anyone, or be hurt. Maybe it's unrealistic, but for right now I feel safe. Trying to be a good person ... hopefully someone worthy of one day being loved the right way, for the right reasons, and for always.

Thanks for asking about me, Hon. I'll go searching for the thread you mentioned.

I hope we can hook-up soon and talk on the phone. Name a time and I'm so there, okay?

Love you Allison.

Jo

p.s. Our Birthdays are on the horizon, UGHHH!!!!

<small>[ October 25, 2002, 05:43 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Hola Lora ....

That was pretty good Mexican food last night, huh? Thanks for going to dinner with me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Here's the thread I posted on: Click Here

Lv,
Jo

Jo,

It was so nice to ya on the boards.

Hope things are going well for you.

Morning Sing!

Things are okay for me. I still have those not so good days ... then cry and get over it.

So many bitter/sweet memories pass through you when you've been with someone so very long. As each day passes a new memory appears, things as simple as smells, or a commercial on TV or maybe even a face from the past that knew you two as a couple. This is still so hard.

I often wonder if my Ex thinks of me in such instances, I somewhat doubt it. With the new relationship and his new big "family". Can imagine he has quite a bit keeping him busy.

I still wax and wain between hate and indifference when I think of him. I try hard to fight those negative feelings, but they show up univited and I'm forced to deal with them. I don't want to hate anyone ever, but how can you MAKE yourself not feel what seems to come natural.

So, as you can see I'm still struggling, but defintely moving forward in very small increments. I never forget that I am indeed blessed tho, Sing. I have so much to be grateful for, and I know God is responsible.

How are you doing, Sing? How are the kids? How's teaching? Are you enjoying it? What's going on with your H and OW, they still living in fogville? Please post back and offer an update, k?

Love,
Jo

p.s. Thank you for thinking of me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Can the UN-MB-PosterChild come in for a visit too??

AZ Allison - Hey, I read your reply about dating so soon after the divorce, and wanted to respond, but sheesh, I've grown weary of defending myself so didn't. I do understand, and as you may already know, I MARRIED the guy I met while still going through the divorce. Not my wisest move, but I'll say this - like you, I got LUCKY, BLESSED or whatever you want to call it - HE'S A GEM! I adore him, and he treats me like I'm God's gift.

Resilient!! Hi!! You know what? I have reconciled in my mind something that you and I have discussed time and time again - the 'love' that will ALWAYS remain between two people who loved each other for years ... a memory... and THAT'S OKAY. It's been two years since the divorce, and my ex and I have discussed this, as have my husband and I... it's okay to think back on your ex fondly - don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. I felt so much guilt about it, but I have come to learn that memories are just that... and nobody would tell you to quit having loving memories about your deceased grandmother, would they? Memories are just that - in the past - and they can bring pleasure or pain. I'm stating the obvious, I know. All I know now, after much therapy and reflection, is that what my ex and I had does not invade what my H and I now have. My past makes me who I am (and he who he is, of course) and our ex's helped shape us. No use pretending they don't exist.

SING!!! Just hugs!!! I miss our talks... you are one of the neatest people I've ever had the pleasure to know!!

Lora, I'm so sorry for all that you're going through, and have been going through for years.

Time doesn't heal, but it does help DIM, if that makes sense.

Grieve - it's quite alright!!

Sheryl!!!

You are not the UN-MB poster child, you nut!

The advice, wisdom, challenges and life experiences you've shared here have been invaluable in helping others, and I for one am grateful for your help and support. And I know several others feel as I do.

We all have our stories, we all hurt terribly one time or other and we all need support and compassion. And you my dear Sheryl, have been through just about every facet of this devistating emotional rollercoaster. I don't know how you survived it, but you did and I respect and admire your <excuse the pun> RESILIENCE.

The members that know you and your story and have seen your struggle have a true affection for you, Sheryl. Please know you are loved.

Lv,
Jo

Just wanted to say HI, Jo. I have missed you, and am glad that you are still around here. Obviously, you are special to Ryan. As he gets older and more independent, I know he will seek you out himself.

Take care,
Estes

Gawd Estes! That would be so great if it happened, that little guy has my heart. You got me all teared-up thinking of even seeing him.

Can I ask how things are with your son and your DIL? And how is your grandson?

Jo

Well hello!

Our grandson is great, a few months short of being four. We recently spent a few days with him in Albuquerque in October for the Balloon Fiesta.

It's weird with S and DIL. Did you know that the FOM had married someone whom DIL knew? S was finally a matter of weeks away from D-ing DIL when she said she "finally realized...." and said D was not an option. Sooo, S in now again in limbo (his own choice). My H and I don't believe for a minute that this turn of events is in S's best interest or that DIL is doing this out of deep love for S. We think she is covering her own rear, and S will eventually pay again. She is in dire financial staits, alone, realizing she's in a big mess, and good at manipulating things for her own benefit. They are semi into MC. At least S is in a much better frame of mind. He has bought a house, has a job he likes, and is more realistic about what the future holds. He has GS every other week. They have great fun together.

I finally spoke out and made DIL mad awhile back. She told me not to contact her again, so I guess we will have a few bumps in the road to smooth out if they reconcile.

I'm doing well. Teaching 7th grade gifted kids. I am so grateful for them. Joined the local celtic heritage society in quest of my past after a trip to Ireland/Wales/Scotland last summer. Planning a trip of a lifetime to New Zealand.

Jo, I have valued our communications and hope to keep in touch. I am interested in keeping up with you. You can email me if you like so I can have your email address.

Estes

<small>[ October 26, 2002, 07:49 PM: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</small>

I'm just floored, Estes! OM married so soon, and to someone your DIL KNEW? I'm assuming their A died its's natural death.

It's seems your son is willing to wait it out, and give your DIL and himself time. Time can make a world of difference. I'm sorry for the falling out between you and DIL. Although, I can't imagine your distain of her A should come as a surpise to her. She'd feel the same if it was done to HER son, no?

I value your words and communication also. I have been through some things in the recent past and I feel alot of regret for not being true to myself. Guess us BS's are vunerable to our unmet needs as well and allow our takers to run the show, which was not good in my situation. I'm a bit ashamed of myself and hope to get back on track. I could use any spare prayers you may have. In a sentence, I've been less than MB-like. Certainly, that, and my work account for my absence here.

Your trips to Europe sound wonderful. The one place I would love to venture is Africa. I've wanted to go there since I was a kid. I'm such an animal lover and so is Ryan. I even dream of taking him with me. Wouldn't that be a TRIP he'd remember the rest of his life!

Thank you for posting on this thread and saying "hi". I'd love to email, Estes. I think I may have your addy in my archives.

Lv,
Jo

<small>[ October 26, 2002, 02:18 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

<small>[ October 27, 2002, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: Estes49 ]</small>

Jo,

First let me say that I have missed you and am glad that you answered back on this thread!!! You truly are missed here at MB.

I am sorry that you have recently had some bad times.

Ryan is a very lucky young man to have you care so much for him, and you are very blessed that his mother allows you time with him, I am sorry that it caused problems with his dad. He will always remember you and the things that you have done for him and with him and when he is old enough I am sure he will insist on you being allowed to be a bigger part of your life!!! It is amazing how we get attached some kids isn't it!!!

I finally signed the papers yesterday!!!! Still not what I wanted, but I gained so much from your strength and wisdom, that I too am going to be ok if not better!!!! Did go to a wedding tonight, probably not a great thing to have done, brought tears to my eyes to remember that not so long ago my STBXH and I were up there committing ourselves to each other. But then I rembered, "Oh yeah I didn't do anything wrong and I did the best that I knew how".

I hope that you get yourself back to a place that you are comfortable with yourself again, you are such an awesome person!!!! And hope with that comes time that you can be here on MB again, maybe not for the newbies, as their stories are painful sometimes to go back through, but for the friends here that love and miss you!!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Miss Resilient,

I think I'm in love with you. I mean it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thank you for your kind words... I will NEVER forget you, my friend...even if we actually really truly leave here (ha <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ha)!

Many HUGS and MUCH love!!!

Hi Dawn,

Your words are so filled with kindness, thank you for saying such nice things.

I'm really sorry to hear your situation is headed toward D. Sounds like you have the right attitude. There are things in our lives we just can't control, so we look within ourselves to do the best we can, to control ourselves in a mature responsible and loving fashion. Because when all is said and done, we have to live with how we handled things. I think we get an added bonus of learning something from it and hopefully growing in strength.

It's a constant work in progress for me, trying not to take things personally or to heart, and letting go of the anger and maybe even hate. Some powerful emotions to battle. I've always felt I end up learning things the hard way for some reason ..... but I do eventually learn.

Since I'm a bit farther along in rebuillding my life post-D, I could tell you the single most helpful thing is to remember each day brings something new. No one knows what will happen in the future, and enjoying your life each day is very important. Let yourself feel all the emotions, and don't think the negative ones will last forever, they won't, they're normal and necessary for now in order to heal.

You know, I was thinking the other day, my Ex broke every single promise he made to me throughout our entire 21 year relationship. Sounds like an exaggeration, but it's true. Yet interestingly enough, the one promise he has finally kept was in Dec '2001, when at my urging and insistence he promised he would no longer contact me. Too funny, huh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love to you Dawn, and strength through your new journey.

God Bless,
Jo

<small>[ October 27, 2002, 12:34 PM: Message edited by: Resilient ]</small>

Thanks Jo!!!!

Your words always mean so much, specially when you have already been there and gone through the things that I am headed for!!!

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jo...

Was so good to see a post from you. I have been missing you and your sense of humor...

Hugs,
Cali