There is a Q&A on how one person can save a marriage if the woman is the one who left. What do I do to save my marriage if he is the one who left?<P>We have been married 1-1/2 years and are a blended family. Both of us have children from previous relationships. <P>We have both made errors in the marriage. I'm trying to deal with my problems (being too strong and independant, being demanding on both my husband and child, being impatient, and being afraid to be soft because I think I might not be able to hold it together if I break). He works all of the time, he has child support and bills from before we were married that he won't let me help with. He says it isn't fair to me and that he has to do it himself. I feel neglected when he is working so much and want more time together. He says he needs more time alone than I do and just wants time alone.<P>How do I give him time alone and also work to get our marriage back together? Is there any hope at all? <P>

Dear BLS,<P>You sound like you fit the description of the "Angry Woman/Passive Man" couple as described in the James Dobson's book, Love Must Be Tough. My H and I fit the description perfectly and, unfortunately, it got to the point where my H moved out. There is a way you can help your marriage. Without typing out the whole chapter, bascially, your H is asking for space -- give it to him, in a loving way. Ease the pressure you've been putting on him to spend more time with you. Find some of your own interests and when possible try to overlap them with his. <P>For example, my H likes to golf, although he may see the time he spends golfing as "his" time, if I started going golfing with my friends, I'm sure we could end up on a few golf dates together. That's hypothetical, of course, since for my H and I it's too late. He's gone and I doubt he'll be coming back -- he's told me so.<P>Make changes NOW, before it's too late. If you can, read the chapter in that book. There are other things you can do, too, by following the Basic Concepts here at MB and work on not LBing (lovebusting) and fulfilling ENs (emotional needs). It's not too late for you -- you <B>can</B> help your marriage. Just don't wait a second longer.<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers,<BR>KristyAnn

KA-<P>That description sounds like my husband too. He left about three months ago. He has described himself as passive-agressive, and I tend to agree based on the reading that I have done on that subject myself. Each person contributes to that endless cycle. I can indeed describe myself as angry.