I have been divorced for 5 months and it still feels like a huge roller coaster. He keeps telling me that he will win me back and sometimes, I feel like maybe. He has done more for the kids now than ever and the only thing that I am left pondering is why now?

On top of this, I feel nothing for him. I know I care about him, but I just don't want to "be in love". I don't think I am capable of falling in love with anyone, all I know is that I know a few guys and including my x, I just feel nothing. He says we can be friends, but only if it means that we might eventually end up together. I really am confused. Is this normal??

I thought divorce was the end of your romantic relationship, why does it feel like this will never end. My 4 yr old son keeps saying, "you guys just need to get together and dad stop making mom cry. It would make me happy"

What do I do

RAINE,

I am sorry that you are feeling confused, but I don't know how you can feel anything else!!!

As for why so much now, guilt, remorse, swift kick got his attention. However he shouldn't put a condition on his friendship with you, that is pressure you don't need and actually is pushing you away.

I don't think that I want to be in love with anyone for quite awhile yet, I can't see myself with anyone else for a very long time and I think that is normal. We are still trying to heal from all the mean and hateful things that the last person we loved threw at us, that takes awhile.

I hope that XH continues doing things for the boys because he can and wants to. I hope that he stops pressuring you about the friendship being something more. And that is sad for your 4 year old.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

You always know how to say what I need to hear. I'm not sure what life has in store for me, but I'm trying to be positive. It isn't always easy, but I'm sure that it'll get better eventually.

How are you??

What do you do?
You take an inventory of yourself, what you like and what you don't and change what you want. Become a better person. Set goals for yourself. Enjoy life. See a counselor if you need to work through some feelings.
Then, if at sometime in the future someone enters your life, you will know if it's right. This is because you'll know yourself better. You'll know what you are willing to accept, and what you are not. You'll know what you want for you and your children, and have plans to achieve that goal.
Maybe that will be your husband. Maybe he will grow from this experience too, to become the man you thought he was.
I'm writing this as much for myself as for you. I can't imagine another relationship in the near future. Yikes.
Good Luck to you.

Hi, I went through a divorce about 16 years ago, and will be going through another soon.

Let me tell you about the first. I didn't want that divorce, but I had to leave with the kids for alcoholic abuse reasons with the condition I'd come back if he got counseling. He had a girlfriend he wanted to marry so he divorced me a few months after I left him. Later when that didn't pan out he would throw out big hints about us getting back together.

I don't think he really wanted to be with me, he just wanted to be with anyone and I was a good bet. He didn't want to be alone and I was a port in a storm. So I always just ignored that kind of talk and pretended he didn't say it. He continued this even when we both were married to someone else. I think it's difficult for some people to give up "ownership" of a sort, like I was property he wanted available.

I'm not sure if this is what is happening with you or not.He may actually want to get back together. Many divorced people reconcile.

thanks for all of the great words. DLJ, I admit that when he thinks we might be getting back together, he stops calling and spending time trying to win me back. It all goes back to feeling the same.

Newly, you are right and at this moment there isn't anyone out there that I would say fits what I want. Maybe I just don't think there ever will be. I actually did like someone after the d. and we spent time together, but then he started going out places with my sister.????