Here's a link to find a divorce support group in your area. I am attending and have been for the last 2 1/2 months. Very good atmosphere for dealing with the range of emotions you will go through in the D process and also healing afterward and eventually helping you find constructive ways of searching for a new mate in the future. They even offered a reconciliation class for those who are still persuing that before coming to terms with divorcing their partner.

http://www.divorcecare.com/html/csearch.html

Good luck and God Bless

Thanks for posting this! I checked my town and there are FIVE groups going on right now. I've been reluctant to actually inquire about one because in the back of my mind, I wonder if people go there "looking" for new relationships. With this info I can call and talk to the leader(s) of the group and kind of check it out beforehand. Now at least I have options.

<small>[ November 13, 2002, 08:52 AM: Message edited by: avondale25 ]</small>

Avon

I am currently attending these groups at my church, and I can tell you that at least from the group lexicon standpoint, starting a new relationship is about as far from what they are looking for as anything.

The format at my group is based around 12 separate videos by the Divorcecare service. Each tape relates to a different part of the process of divorce. The feelings, anger, confusion, children, etc. From the standpoint of a Christian. Tapes such as "What does the owners manual say?" are based upon what the Bible says about divorce. Forgiveness, how to let go of anger, depression. There are several topics that are all discussed from the Christian standpoint and healing. There is a single tape on how to rebuild a new relationship, but it is mostly on how to avoid getting into a relationship until you are ready rather than here are the steps.

My group is 2 hours every Wednesday evening. The class is made up of 4 men and 4 women, just the people that showed up. The group leader is a man that was divorced about 4 years ago and has recently remarried. He went through the class a few years ago. We talk for about an hour about things in our week or circumstances that we might need help addressing; watch the tape, then talk about the topic as it relates to us. It is very informal and I feel very safe. Everyone seems to have opened up fully, and some of the group have been divorced for several years and are still trying to cope so they come to class. Others are like me, in the early to mid stages of divorce. Some initiated the divorce and others were left.

I would highly encourage you to look at the classes. I am about done with the series and I wish that it lasted another 12 weeks or so. We are probably going to keep our group going for ourselves for a while. At least I hope so. Meeting at each others houses to continue with the support and discussions. No one has ever acted like they were "looking" that I have seen.

<small>[ November 13, 2002, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: Formerly Confused ]</small>

There are a few active divorce support groups in my area, and I decided early on which was comfortable to me. A friend attended the DivorceCare series, but was met with Angry people, and chose to continue in our group. So try a few and find the one that's right for you.
Our group plans alot of social activities, not for dating, but to give people a place to go, or to the movies. It also allows us to e-mail others to plan activities on our "free" nights.
I strongly suggest others attend a group, it's wonderful free therapy, and a place to find good friends who are in the same situation as you. Not to mention the book recommendations, moving help, the painting help, and the late night telephone calls.

The feedback from y'all on the idea of attending a course is good. It sounds like you don't need to be "officially" divorced to begin attending. Is that right? I guess that was the other hesitancy I had...if one attends pre-divorce is that helpful or harmful to your emotional state? Or maybe it depends on how healthy your emotional state is when you attend, LOL. I'm still at the point where I'm trying to have faith for my marriage to be restored even though it appears unlikely. But I'm open to other resources, so will probably check these out.

avon,

My experience is that they discourage dating, especialy amongst those in attendance early on in the program. It is actually a year long program although it is broken into different phases that begin again every couple of months so that you may start up at any time.

Like I said initialy, at the group that I attend, they offer a reconciliation class for individuals, not partners, that helps address some issues in that circumstance. Help you seek out what ever possibilities of reconciliation may exist. Helped me a lot. Didn't reconcile, but between this class, individual counseling, and the teaching of Dr Harley, and the support of the folks here, I am at peace with myself as far as perusing the D now, rather than having questions in my mind as to whether this is the right thing. This is actually one of the goals of SAA.

You do not have to be fully divorced to attend, at least not where I am going. As a matter of fact one of the facilitators has been seperated for over 2 yrs and has not been able to complete the D process.

God Bless and good luck to you and your situation.