Ok, so is this normal, and if so, should I have felt this A LONG TIME before this.......

Maybe it's because I heard that he was cheating again.....

but up until now, even though I was moving on and realized exH was bad for me and that he was a different person now etc. I still always had that .9999999999999 thought of how happy I would be if one day he suddenly said I'm wrong, I'm sorry, I'm coming home, and I'll make it up to you and then I'd go running into his arms and we'd kiss passionately - the perfect Hollywood Ending.

like I said - up until now.....

all of a sudden, I'm totally repulsed by any thoughts of exH.

I'll be nice to him, but I don't especially want to be his friend. I don't want to listen to his conversation. I don't want him to ever try to even give me a friendly hug, which he has tried to do, but which I turned down - and now the thought of him even touching me in ANY way just makes me sick.

I think that I'm finally realizing what kind of person he really was all those years and especially what he has become now. I would always make excuses for the way he talked to me about people and the way he acted, but now I realize he was just selfish and arrogant and just not a nice guy.

I know there is good in everyone and I'm sure I'll find it in him, but this weird feeling of just being replused by him came on so strong that it made me stop and think, because no matter what he did I still deep down had that wishful thinking of a happy ending.

Now that's gone pecan.

Just wondering if this feeling is a step in the right direction or if it's just a passing thought. K

GIIC,

Don't know what the answer is, but if I was you, I'd seize the moment and run! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and NEVER look back.

I do envy you that feeling, even if only temporary. I eagerly await that time for me, when I can truly feel like I've 'let go' so to speak. Enjoy every moment while it lasts.

GIIC,

Know how you feel. I have had quite a few of these feelings since 3 weeks after H walked out.

One nite he called me on my way to a work dinner and got me really upset. then he said he left because of the way I treated him!!!!!

he brought VD home to me from prostitute just 2 months after we were married, was arrested 3 times, physically abused me many times and has emotionally abused me for the whole of 26 years. Not to mention all the drugs and alcohol, affair with coworker young enough to be our daughter and the fact that for 2 years we went to marriage counselor, all the time she had moved around the corner so she could be closer to him and even showed up at MC sessions after drinking.

He has led, cheated and stole anywhere he could and finds some way to justify his actions

anyway, after he said I treated him badly, I said thats it for me...Next morning I was on phone to get recommendations for divorce lawyer. I cant stand to see him, yeah Im repulsed by his actions but I do still love him and I dont want the chance for him to tell me even one lie or me to wish he had his arms around me again

and I dont care to hear his "chit chat" Idle talk that always centers around him.

I think you are starting to heal and thats a good thing!!!

Ill pray for you

<small>[ November 19, 2002, 06:27 AM: Message edited by: sunrise1 ]</small>

GIIC: I know exactly how you feel. I, too, am totally and completely repulsed by my XH.

In the past week, I have heard the most vile, ugly things about him from his office staff. They have been contacting me behind his back. They have told me stories about hookers (in his office at night), strippers, drugs, serious financial problems, etc. He was a well respected atty. in our town and now his reputation is shot. I am so amazed at these stories; I don't know this man at all and now I question why I ever married him. I guess he conned me likes he has conned everyone else.

I also hoped for the Hollywood ending too. But now I wouldn't go near him with a million foot pole. He has become such a disgusting human being.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone with your feelings. And, yes, I think this will help both of us on our road to recovery.

<small>[ November 19, 2002, 07:11 AM: Message edited by: Fingers1258 ]</small>

Hi K-

I know exactly how you feel. I too envisioned that hollywood ending for a long time. It was like I was moving on, but secretly hoping for that moment when he would come back. Then suddenly one day it was like something just changed and all the things others had seen clearly and I had always covered for were blatently obvious. It is all part of the healing process. Remember that letting go of the reality of the marriage is often times so much easier than letting go of your dream of what the marriage could've been, if only.

I am so proud of you. You have stuck to your morals and hung in there through it all. Your husband let go of a wonderful woman. Your children, friends, and family are lucky to have you. I know you are not looking for it now, but someday all of your talents will be recognized by a loving man who will appreciate and love the wonderful woman you really are.

So congratulations on reaching another milestone. You're beating this!

Take care and God bless!

K

I'm feeling like I'm rapidly progressing to where you are at GIIC.

I do know, that I no longer have any love left for my H. I've been doing all the more soul searching lately, and have come to terms with the fact that he just doesn't have it in him to fill my needs. And quite frankly, he hasn't done anything that should make me want to love him for YEARS now (I'm thinking it's been at least 5 yrs now). And in my situation, I have found that the "love" feeling I have had for him is actually "pity"!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> (I posted about that on GQII the other day).

There is always a small part of me that will hope that H could come to his senses, and want to be the H I've wanted and needed for so long. But to be honest, I don't have any faith in him to do that. I believe that he will continue with his ways, forever and ever. Always blaming others (such as myself <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) for his unhappiness and misfortune.

When I move out with my boys, I don't want to have much more to do with my H either. Why should I continue to fulfil some of his needs, like conversation? I'm not THAT good of a person at this stage in my life.... at least not to him. I need that space (oh no! "I need space!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ) away from him to get myself back on track, and to break the terrible cycle I've been in.

I hope I will not become repulsed by my H. But perhaps I already am? Knowing his pattern and all. It's rather pathetic that he's so predictable.

One thing I do know, is that these realizations and feelings of mine as of late, are really having a profound effect on my emotional well being. I'm actually feeling FREE. I used the analogy last night at Al-anon... that I'm like a phoenix rising out of the ashes... only I'm being held down by chains that can only be broken one at a time. But I'm breaking them, that I know for sure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Karen

GIIC,
You have really come along way.
It's a shame that your ex has made such a mess of his life!
The feelings of disgust is definately a sign that he does not hold that spot in your heart. Atleast not now.

GIIC,

"I'll be nice to him, but I don't especially want to be his friend. I don't want to listen to his conversation. I don't want him to ever try to even give me a friendly hug, which he has tried to do, but which I turned down - and now the thought of him even touching me in ANY way just makes me sick."

What great progress!!! You should feel very good about this. I went through the same feeling with my XH. After time, it will change to complete indifference. Which is the best stage of all! When you finally reach that stage, nothing they say or do can affect your emotions. What you are feeing is very normal, so don't worry about it.
Just enjoy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

GIIC,

Wanted to let you know I have been following your posts, just too short on time to post much at all. I think your reaction shows that you have truly begun to "uncouple" emotionally from your exH. I think this may just be a part of the situation you are still having to deal with, even if peripherally. Although he is cheating on his current W, it can't make you feel good to know that your kids will eventually be exposed to a revolving door of women that their father can not be faithful to. That thought alone is totally repulsive.

You are doing great, GIIC. Only God can change a person. He gives your ex the nudge and then the rest is up to your ex. Too bad he is not paying attention to God's nudges. If I met him on the street, a guy like him would defintiely NOT interest or attract me!

Wishing you and your kids only the best, RMA

GIIC
How, how , how you succeeded to change your mind?????
Tell me the secret ?
Three yrs have passed but I am not a step closer to this goal.
i think even opposite.
Now beeing home almost a month after surgery, thinking about past ...not knowing of how long IS the futur.....
Help!
What made you free of him?
Love
D

All I can say is I"m proud of you GIIC - gives me hope that someday I'll get through a day without tears, recrimination (sp), guilt at failure and a great sense of sadness. Maybe the day will come when I can look at my stb ExH and not have the urge to walk over to him and hold him or touch him and want to make everything all right. You give me hope for a new Hollywood ending - where the strong independant woman walks on and lives well, with God's help.

K.

Totally understand how you feel. I am getting to the angry stage. Tonight had to go out and buy a new printer. On my way back, put in the nickeback cd and felt anger surge through me for the first time. Like you, I made excuses for him. Now I am far enough away to see him for him now. And you're right. Only God can change him. And I am not at repulsed stage yet. I am just mad now. Mad that he ripped apart our home and how our little one is going to be shuttled here and there but thank God, is mostly with me. I see a man who's character and good name is crumbling. Although b/c this is a new city for both of us, he thinks that NOBODY will know him and that he can sweep this reputation under the rug. That he can just go hog wild in hotlanta with the girls. He had a beautiful wife and child and that just wasn't enough. IF I met him out, I'd think he was cute then I'd see the vanity tag on his vehicle and that would pretty much sum up my opinion of him.

But you're doing such a good job with your life now. And ms. stripey nails will find out how the hurting feels. And it is funny but the pain like the kind we've endured is not something I would want to wish on anyone and it is amazing to me how these things, affairs, end up usually. When I see stbx, I just see a troubled and lost soul. He is very attractive, yet is no longer attractive to me as a woman now. A dad who is pretending to be a playboy is not attractive to me. Someone who places their personal gratification far above their children muchless the ones they vowed to love and honor makes me sick. It is funny, but I do not let him anywhere near me when the visitation/exchange is done at my home. I also refuse to go to his house. He knows this and doesn't even push it at all. I don't want any part of it. Plus I am doing well in plan B now.

Last week he called and did the caller id block thing so I'd pick up the phone. I have two friends, neighbors here, who have call block and it is very rare if anyone else calls with that. Figured either he wanted me to pick up the phone or else he was calling from another chickie babe's house. Either way it doesn't matter to me anymore.

Like you, sometimes I pray and pray for that.999999 percent chance he will find God for real and get it together but now at least my brain overrules any stupid thoughts my once loving heart has. Only thing that has got me down even a little is the celibacy. lol...But who knows??? The cage flies open in january for me and then he has to deal with the fact that his lovely ex wife is single, and still young enough to get on with life. Maybe it will be time for me to get my own license to shag and apply for international woman of mystery status...lmao! Groovy baby. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

all of a sudden, I'm totally repulsed by any thoughts of exH.
It's normal. However, ...

Just wondering if this feeling is a step in the right direction or if it's just a passing thought.
It SHOULD just be a passing thought. After time, when you are really over it, you won't feel much one way or the other.

GIIC, After reading your post, my first thought was echoed by Natasha:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do envy you that feeling, even if only temporary. I eagerly await that time for me, when I can truly feel like I've 'let go' so to speak. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am getting closer to really being over STBX, but I have to admit that I still hold out that 0.9999% of hope... though sometimes I think I would just like to have the chance to reject him this time. I still feel hurt and disoriented and not a day goes by that I don't spend at least some time thinking about my failed marriage.

One thing I notice in many of the replies is that our WH's seem to have problems with addictions: alcohol, drugs, sex, porn. I think it is the addictions that make the behavior "repulsive:" the lies and false promises, verbal and emotional abuse, threats, sex and drug use with kids less than 1/2 his age, and not working X 2 years. All of these behaviors, I believe, are related to his addictions to alcohol and drugs.

My H's addictive personality made him difficult to live with but it also made him exciting. He had charisma and charm, hey, he was a con man. And I, too, made excuses for him and overlooked the selfish, arrogant attitudes and behaviors. While he was sober, we built a business, a family, a beautiful home... strangely enough, I thought everything was really coming together just as it was really falling apart.

Al-Anon has really saved my life through all this. It's helped me to detach, as Topie said, one chain at a time.

It's a slow process, but we all seem to be slowly getting better.

I also hold out that Hollywood dream of everything coming together perfect again. How can such a good thing turn so bad, etc. I really did and still do love my WS, but wondering if there is any hope left.

I was up at my fathers cabin in the woods with him one weekend, sitting out on the porch under a beautiful, perfect star filled night. We were talking about my marriage, my husband leaving me to live with my girlfriend as his new lover, my incredible sadness, etc.
Dad has been there for me always, two failed marriages now. Both husbands cheated on me.

Dad said to me, "When you want roses, where do you go?" I replied "The florist of course!" I think my Dad must be the Dali Lama, because he replied, "No, you go to the rose garden." Ok....score one for dad and I'm showing my materialistic side! Then he said "Where do you go for onions?" I replied "The grocery store." WRONG AGAIN! He said "No, you go to the onion patch." Next he said, "Where do you go for potatoes?" OK..now I"m getting the hang of this conversation, so I reply "The potato patch of course!" "Right!" he replies!

"So why do you keep looking for roses in onion and potato patches honey?"

I love my Dad, he's so very cool! He's also the one that said to me when I told him that my husband moved in with my girlfriend, "Keep an open heart." .....

I'm struggling four months into this abandoment and Plan B, life is tough, but this thread did help me realize that Hollywood may not happen...

Thank you all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Shepette