Friends,
I haven't been here in so long, but have been busy with a new teaching job. I was doing so well, but now i feel the stress of supporting my kids, having to perform at a new job, and a soon-to-be divorce. My divorce will be final early 2003, if not sooner.
Feel like i'm about to start having anxiety attacks. How do you get your mind onto better things????
I should be advising and supporting you guys, and here i am seeking help!
Thanks!
KK

((((((((((((((KK)))))))))))))))))

I have been thinking about you. Haven't seen you on GQ. So you filed ! tell me about that I missed that. Soorrrryyyy it came to that, I can tell you are in a lot of pain.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I should be advising and supporting you guys, and here i am seeking help! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's what we are here for!!! to support, to vent, to help. we all take turns! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I haven't filed at this point. WH will be comming home for thanksgiving but still is in VERY thick FOG and DENIAL.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How do you get your mind onto better things???? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I pray and at time imagine sitting in the loving arms of Jesus. Also, if a thought comes into my mind that I don't want, I say or shout to myself Stop and go to a happier thought. It took a while but it works. You will ok,KK. the Lord will bring you thru this and somehow some way you will have grown and been blessed in other ways.

Alanon has helped soooooo much. We did a step study this fall & I learned a lot about myself. the support is comforting. I have started doing things with some of the ladies & I find that I am truly enjoying myself. that is a miracle itself!

I am in Jacksonville at my son's & I am not used to his computer!

God Bless,,,,,,,, (HE can and He will)

D.

Dear WGTT,
THanks for the reply. My WH is still deeply in the fog. SHows no signs whatsoever of coming out, still seeing, and probably living with OW, still lying, denying everything etc. I love him still, but feel my kids and I definitely deserve better.
I know that God will see me through this, it's just painful at the time. Thanks for your support. I will try to look in on the board more often
God bless.
KK

KK,

I know this is a hard time. One of the best things that I did was basically go to Plan B. To tell you the truth, when I did I really had come to the point where I really didn't care about reconciling with WW anymore. I probably did Plan A for too long. But, avoiding just about all contact with WW has been good for me. It took a lot of ignored phone calls for her to realize how serious about limited contact. The only reason that I maintain any contact what so ever is our children. She also takes any chance that she can to portray me as the bad guy.

Another very important step that I made has been to attend a local divorce support group in my area. Here's a link to find one in your area. http://www.divorcecare.com/html/csearch.html
This is a year long program and my experience is that you can jump in at any time. I would advise getting in touch and starting soon. With the holidays upon us, I'm sure your feelings will be heightened at this time and you could use all the support you can get.

I've also been seeing a counselor since D-day and that has probably been a great source of support also.

One of the things that I am doing personally is focusing on the future and realizing that being able to use a lot of the information that I've learned from Dr Harley's books and about myself will result in a much more constructive and mutually satisfying relationship in the future. In the future I may look back at some of the good times that we shared in the past, but for right now I am looking at where the mistakes were made and looking forward to a brighter future.

Best of Luck and God Bless

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> How do you get your mind onto better things????
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Think only good things. You get what you focus on, so don't focus on the bad, focus on the good. The following poem was posted on another thread, but it's appropriate here.
God Bless YOu.

TALKING TO GOD

:Talking to God:

Hey God, it's me
been a while since last we talked
if you're busy I can come back later
but this will only take a second
if you have the time
I just wanted to say
I love you
even though my actions haven't shown it
much lately

See God, I think I'm beginning to understand
just how much you love me
it didn't make sense how you could
allow these awful things to happen
but it's becoming clear now
You love me enough to let me
lose everything rather than spend
my life with nothing

I don't like the person I was
You blessed me with success and
although I thanked you on the outside
inside, I thought it was because of my hard work
You blessed me with wisdom
and although I pretended to be humble,
my actions showed I thought I was
better than others
You blessed me with ambition
and although I told people I was going
to do something great for you,
I was only great for me
You blessed me with a wife
whose love could have filled me
for a lifetime
Yet I pushed her away and pursued
the love of money

God, I understand now
You didn't cause any of this to happen
My actions and my wife's choices
caused this
But you did allow it, and no matter
how I prayed you didn't fix it

Now I'm changing, God
I'm changing more than I ever dreamed
I could. Life looks so different now
Had none of this happened, I would have
died with my eulogy reading, "He was a smart
man who had a great career".
And that makes me sad.
Perhaps now, because of the road you've
allowed me to travel
It will read, "He was the most amazing husband
and father the world has ever known."
That's something I can be proud of.

So thanks God
Thanks for loving me enough to let
me die so that I could truly
live
I don't know what's going
to happen in my life anymore and I
must admit
I'm really scared.
But I trust you. And I believe that you
are in control of things even when they
seem so out of control.
Well, that's all I've got
I'll be coming by more often now
so hopefully we can become best friends
again.

Oh and God, if I can make a request...
If you ever think I've grown enough,
I would love a second chance with my wife.
I miss her an awful lot and I'm
really sorry for the things I did. I
realize you know
so much more than I ever
will. But God, if you ever feel like
granting someone just one wish....
That would be mine.
Thanks for listening. I'm starting
to feel better already.
I love you very much.