1. A FAITHFUL wife—faithful in mind and body
2. A smart, funny, interesting partner
3. A woman who won "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" on the first try (haha)
4. A wife who loves him despite all of his issues
5. A woman who is willing to work with him on his issues
6. A woman who will examine herself and work on her own issues
7. A woman who WANTS to share herself with him
8. A woman who wants, more than anything, for him to share himself with her
9. A financial wizard!
10. A patient, godly, spiritual woman
11. A GREAT mom
12. A brilliant business partner
13. A sex goddess
14. A woman who swallows, initiates, invents new positions, watches an occasional XXX movie in the privacy of our own room, and knows how to use sex toys
15. A cute little munchkin with a cheeky, round face
16. A wife who works hard to keep the house clean and presentable
17. A woman who takes losing weight seriously
18. A wife who has her hair done and had outfits that accentuate the positive
19. A sensitive, loving, thoughtful…darn near psychic woman
20. A firey little hellcat of a wife!
21. A son who so very badly needs an understanding dad
22. A son who is growing up SO FAST
23. A son who will be gone in just a few years
24. A son who is SO VERY funny and smart and quick as a whip
25. A son who loves him despite his temper and teasing
26. HIS SON!
27. A daughter who idolizes her daddy
28. A daughter who is just as sensitive and loving and thoughtful as her mother
29. A daughter who is a precious jewel
30. A daughter who has such a conscience that she cries
31. A daughter who does not understand why her dad isn’t here
32. A daughter who cries when dad yells then hugs then yells again
33. A daughter who is such a financial wizard, she almost GROWS money
34. A cuddly, priceless pook
35. A daughter who is growing up SO FAST
36. HIS DEARLY BELOVED DAUGHTER
37. His dog, who now mopes around the house looking for him
38. His dream house, for which he worked our entire marriage
39. His jacuzzi
40. His swimming pool
41. His FAMILY
42. Home-made dinners with the family
43. Laying in bed together at night
44. Snuggling
45. Hugs and kisses
46. Holding feet under the covers
47. EVERYTHING

I can not understand how ANYONE would be willing to give up all of that for a fling with someone over email! The email person can not possibly be worth ALL OF THAT!!!! I understand the idea of most affairs is that some needs aren’t being met and the OP meets those needs, but a need that is worth losing all of that??? Come on!! The email person does not know the real him. The email person has not given him children or cooked his meals or laid with him or lived with him OR PUT UP WITH HIS SH*T! The email person can only be a fantasy and will be used and discarded when they’re no longer needed.

FW...

What a list. Yes, you point out much that he may not realize he is risking.

You are still trying to "Hang In" and for that I take my hat off to you. Numbers 4-8 are really great and...he may not realize it...but your husband is a very lucky man.

I pray that the two of you find your way back!

mr r

Dear Faithful Wife,

How did you know when enough was enough. Wondering if i should give up.

I would rather be healthy and alone. Your so right on.

Sara

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mrrlk:
<strong>You are still trying to "Hang In" and for that I take my hat off to you. Numbers 4-8 are really great and...he may not realize it...but your husband is a very lucky man.

I pray that the two of you find your way back!
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">mrrlk,

I appreciate your response, and your optimism is refreshing. However, at this point I am not trying to "hang in there." I've been hanging in there for years hoping he would find me and our family valuable, and for years he has been abusive, controlling and a serial cheater.

After 13 infidelities, I drew the line.

Now I'm getting the "honey, I love you" and "honey I'm sorry"...but unfortunately he had FIFTEEN YEARS to get it together if he really meant any of it. That's plenty of time for someone to ACT if they really love someone. Furthermore, he still doesn't really admit that he is STILL abusive--he blames me for his affairs. Sheesh. It's enough.

I am proud of myself though. I really hung in there for a long time. I gave him every opportunity, by god, and MORE! I really took my vows seriously and meant what I was saying. But after fifteen years and thirteen affairs with no real regret or willingness to change, enough is enough.

Pray for me...oh yes! But pray that I have the backbone to end this cycle. Pray that I have the courage to protect myself and my kids. Pray that I find my self-respect and build some self-esteem!

CJ

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by notgoingtodothis:
<strong>Dear Faithful Wife,

How did you know when enough was enough. Wondering if i should give up.

Sara</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well Sara, I can only speak for myself, but here's how I knew.

I tried for DECADES to be the wife he wanted me to be and to make him happy. For YEARS I just ached because he was so brutal and abusive to me. He had one PA shortly after my YD was born, and somehow we survived that...but there was no "recovery." We just got on with life. Next, I tried for three years to recover our M and our love for one another after he had a BIG PA in 2000. He moved out for half a year and everything. But after years of trying, I realized that I had put in TONS of effort but he had made promises and never followed through.

I tried to think of "What I needed to reconnect" and one thing I thought would help was renewing our vows. Well, in June of this year we renewed our vows with our children present and since then he has been caught on the internet/email twice with OW talking about sexually explicit things. One was even here in town and was asking him to meet! So, that made a grand total of 13 TIMES that he had been unfaithful, and I had enough.

I know he has problems. I know that he has issues. I even still care for the man! The thing is, I finally came to realize that he just isn't changing...so I had to choose between living this way forever--with a man who found it justifiable to cheat twice in the 6 months after renewing his vows--or NO LIVING THIS WAY ANYMORE!

Sara, I think the day will come when you know. A big piece of that puzzle fell into place for me the day I realized that he can promise until he's blue in the face...and he may even DO a week or two...but if he really doesn't want to improve the relationship and deal with his problems (and face them) then HE ISN'T GONNA DO IT!!! No matter what the cost, he will avoid it somehow.

So, take your time. Why don't you tell me your story??

CJ

FW...

Did not mean to suggest that you should not do what you need to do to protect yourself and the children. Just noted how from your post that you have been more than a trooper and have really gone above and beyond the call of duty in how you have hung in there all this time.

In the end, looking in the mirror and facing our flaws and short commings is not easy for anyone. But, as you point out, your tenacity has to be matched with your H at least wanting to make the relationship better and walking the talk in taking steps to move in that direction.

I continue to pray for your strength to help you move on and build your self-esteem...but give yourself some credit for the gigantic steps you have made sor far.

best to you and your children.

mr r

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by mrrlk:
<strong>FW...

Did not mean to suggest that you should not do what you need to do to protect yourself and the children. Just noted how from your post that you have been more than a trooper and have really gone above and beyond the call of duty in how you have hung in there all this time.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmm....I reviewed my post trying to see where I suggested that I should not protect myself and my children, but I don't see it. Maybe I mistyped somewhere or something....

OH! I get it! You meant that YOU did not mean I shouldn't protect myself! Ah ha! Is there a lightbulb graemlin??

Well, just for the sake of clarity, let's just say this: I DO think I hung in there for a long time...some might say too long, but I needed the time for my own growth to be strong enough to move on. I DO think I have a duty to protect myself and my children from any further damage. I DO think that I will make mistakes along the way, but I also DO think that I will learn from them and do better.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> In the end, looking in the mirror and facing our flaws and short commings is not easy for anyone. But, as you point out, your tenacity has to be matched with your H at least wanting to make the relationship better and walking the talk in taking steps to move in that direction. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well said. As my IC once said, the effort I am putting in should match the effort he is putting in...not PROMISING to put in, but actually PUTTING IN!! Not that it's tit for tat or scorekeeping, but rather, there should be equal work being done and if I'm working WAY more, then that is a red flag to me.

You are right when you say that looking in the mirror and facing flaws is not easy for anyone. And one thing I have noticed is that I very often write about "him" and "his issues" here on this forum and on MB in general, and you know what? I think that's typical of people in marital difficulties and yet, that is not where my focus should lie. It should lie with looking at myself and thus writing about myself...where *I* am at and what *I* am learning and doing.

So...that is my pre-New Year's resolution: to write about myself and my issues, not about my H. Okay...I may occasionally also throw in a line or two about my children, but I'm allowed!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> I continue to pray for your strength to help you move on and build your self-esteem...but give yourself some credit for the gigantic steps you have made so far. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You know...good point! I have made some good steps in my growth and I think I need to stop and recognize that. Okay! My new challenge will be to write down all the steps I've made! YAY. That will be fun. Thanks for your prayer mrrlk.

CJ