Any thoughts here would be helpful, I am just trying to prepare myself for xH visit this weekend with kids.

Ok, divorce was final 19 Nov, CS should have been pro-rated for the last 11 days of month he owes me $$$$, says he does not have it, I could and probably should take him back to court, but don't want this divorce thing to start out that way.

xH called to say that he was coming to visit kids from 19-23 Dec, could he please stay in the basement I had said yes, it would save him money that he could spend on the kids. Now he e mails and says that he will be staying in a hotel. Told him that I would be out on a date and that if he changed his mind the kids would take care of him.

As I am sitting here typing this my OD was on the phone with him, and she walks into the room and says did you know that they got married? No I did not know that. She says that he just dropped it into the conversation and went on to the next subject.

I called him and chewed his [censored] out, how dare he tell them over the phone when he is going to be here in 2 days now instead of 1 and leave me to deal with the fall out. He had to take a class on how to parent from a distance and being a single parent, asked him if this is what he is to have done. All he can continue saying is that he screwed up again, duh!!!

I pushed for the money that is owed me, and he said he could visit or pay me but not do both. Told him flat out that he could not nor would I take the blame for his not visiting. What an idiot, I did tell him this many times, he just kept saying I screwed up again, I said look back at history, and when you brought her to live with you, did you not screw that all up to? I am not going to talk about that is all he could say!!!

I am stunned, to say the least. Would not give either of us a date as to when they got married. Tomorrow will be 1 month from Divorce. I had told him once that unknowingly to me she was part of our marriage all those years, and what did he think I was going to be in this new marriage? I figure a pain!!!! as long as it doesn't effect my children!!!

Just cause, I sent him a birthday card with the kids stuff for yesterday and I signed the card Love, Dawn. Wonder if that is what changed his mind about not staying here!!!! I said that I assume since you are staying at a hotel that you are bringing her with you, says that I assume to much. I am just so stunned specially after the conversation that we had on Sunday night about him staying here in the first place and I had said yes as long as he was by himself, he said that he wouldn't do anything like that to me, I said well yeah but I didn't think that you would do any of the things that you have done to me the last 2 years. Well I guess, he is finally out of my life as my Husband and will always carry that X in front now.

The tears have started now!!! I so did not need this on top of everything else that is on my plate right now. My OD was diganosed with preexcitation, a heart condition, I have to speak with the doctors to see if they need to do surgery. I am out of money and don't have all of the gifts bought yet, guess I will have to take some back so that I can even out the kids, the rent is not paid yet, but my dad gave me a waiver for that this month, just means that I will be that far behind next month though. My son still hasn't got full time employment, and still hasn't dealt with all of the bounced checks, his birthday is the 21st, I think he will be going back with his dad to Utah. The girl that hit the dog wont take any of my phone calls!!! UGH!!!!

Life just doessn't seem to be fair right now!!! I am trying so hard to keep the reason for the season in my sights and it just keeps getting blurry.

Any thoughts or words of wisdom for me would be greatly appreciated. I so wish that I could understand what is thinking process is at this time.

Good night, I hope I can block this out and get some sleep, I have been dragging but all week as it is!!!

Thanks, for reading my vent!!!
Dawn

--------------------
BS 40/ WH 41
Divorce final Nov 19, 02
20yoS/17yoD/11yoD

((((((((((Dawn)))))))))

You have so nice name. You'll feel better for sure, even this vent helps.
From the signature you'll see the similar story. The pain is so strong, the anger also. These preholidays days are the hardest. But be sure it will become easier after some time.
This little D (close to mine) can now make me happy much easier than older ones so try to enjoy time with kids. Try not to think about him (it's easier say than do but anyway).
There will be a lot of upside downs, but maybe now the better life is coming.

Wish you the best
D

Daybreak, tell X that child can't live on is visit. So send the CS instead of seeing them. If he could afford to marry, he can afford to pay his CS. Sound mean? Oh well. Once he sets the pattern of not paying, he will never pay. Children have to eat first, and be clothed. I can see this guy already wangling out of paying so he and his slut, um, new wife can enjoy life together. While his children suffer. Thank God my daughter got her x to sign over his parental rights and he's out of her and the childrens life for good! In almost two years he never paid a dime. But he sported $800 cowboy boots, new, $200 belt and $60 cowboy hat. Real cowboy. LOL Even the kids don't want anything to do with him!
But he's so stupid he doesnt' understand what he's done. But he did sign so he would not have to pay support. Some dad, huh?
Don't struggle while he gets off scot free. Tell him pay up or court buddy. I think you can go to family court for free? In our state you can anyway. And God bless you.I pray you can move on and find happiness. He's not worth crying over dear. But I do validate your pain and understand. You just want to be treated human with feelings and consideration. LouLou

(((((((((((((Dawn)))))))))))))))

Well.........

Typical WS is what somes to mind.

My ExH didn't tell me either when he was gettng married. Why they feel like they still have to hide things from us is beyond me.

I think it's a control thing.

However, it is not the way the kids are supposed to find out for sure.

And unfortunately no matter how many times you chew him out, it really won't change a thing. Sad, I know, but true.

So, what do you do.

Well, for one, the kids will start to get the picture about what kind of dad he is as he continues to act this way.

Just be there for them and let them tell you what they are feeling. They need to know that they can share with at least one parent. Validate their emotions and then try to give them the skills to cope.

It's hard when you are trying to parent with a selfish child. I know. But being the adult in the relationship does have it's advantages.

You will just have to learn to plan things without counting on Ex and then if he decides to enter into the picture then it's a bonus.

I wish that I had the answer to why all these people who seemed normal enough when we married them, have all of a sudden just seemingly jumped ship.

It's a tragedy and there seems no end in sight.

However, remember that you are on the good side, so keep the faith and know that God wants only good things for you and won't let antics of ExH get in the way of those good things for long.

K

My X is now up to $900 past due on court order support. Dont let him get behind. You will have to go back to court, pay another lawyer. When he misses a payment, write him & keep a copy. if you do go to court you will need sometype of proof that you have ask for the payment. My X is either engaged or M to OW. I found out from Ow X, her kids are saying M, my X says E. IT hurts but Im hoping they are M. X couldnt stand to be around small kids, OW has 3. X wouldnt spend a dime if he was hungry. OW has no credit because she spent more than she was making. Im sure their new life together will be heaven. Im now happer than Ive been in years, I got a new home with my son in another state where my family lives.

Thank you all for the support and encouragement!!!

Am still so very angry as he talked to me first last night and could have said something to me about wanting to tell them, but he just doesn't think.

When he kept saying he screwed up again, I agreed said to please knock it off that I am no longer his wife and I won't be fixing things with kids for him anymore, perhaps his new wife would like to try.

He will not be staying at house ever again!!! Don't know that he will be coming to house at all this time, he has a room on base and I figure kids can pack a suitcase and go there and stay with him, he doesn't need the niceness of my house and home, let the kids see him for what he has allowed to happen to their family life as they knew it 2 years ago!!! Harsh perhaps!!!

I will talk to lawyer in the morning and have him address something to xH. Should not be a problem next month as he is military and has an allotment taken out and sent to me for SS and another taken out and sent to state for CS, they take half out on the 15th and the other half on the 1st and send it where it needs to go on the 1st, pretty much knew that it would be screwed up this month with the prorating, so this did not come as a schock to me.

I am angry as this was not the tone that I wanted to have set for our divorced life!!!

I am also angry that once again when it came time for a visit with the kids he does something so stupid, I am sure many remember this summer and her moving in and out.

How stupid can this man get? It scares me when I think of those possiblties!!!!

Anyway, my day was good!! We took special ed kids to the food pantry and filled boxes for an 1 1/2 hrs. then went to the Animal shelter for a tour. Kids want to do a food drive at school to support the animal shelter. They are so awesome!!!

Again thanks for your continued support, I hope that some of you will be around this weekend.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hugs from one Dawn to another.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{DAWN}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I agree with ladylou. Tell him you need the money if he can get married, he can pay support.

Gotta go to work, Ill check back later. Not much time for anything. Wed I had 3 DRs appts in one day, plus work.

Ill say a prayer for you today.

Love,
DAWN <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Well, UGH!! What a weekend. xH is here by himself, didn't even acknowledge me when walking into my house, did let him know that that was not approperiate.

Will not cook for him have made him take kids out every meal!!!

He did come up with money, but says that it's the lawyer fees plus some extra$$. still doesn't get that he owes from the 19-30 Nov.

When did he become such a stupid idiot!!!!

Oh well, I just keep smiling, I think he expects me to get mad and yell at him or something, did talk to him about the message that he is sending kids by leaving before Christmas says that that is the way it is. Kids have his number though which is interesting to watch, he thinks that he has all this time with the kids in years to come.

Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />