In my last post I got some great responses and I am slowly making my way back to reality. I think I am going to call my Attorney and call off the Divorce for now.

Yesturday H and I went and traded in my SUV for something more fitting for me and the kids. I acctually am the only one on the title and he said it is my car. He stayed again last night because the weather was really bad and I didn't want him to go over the mtn passes at 9:00pm with it snowing so bad. We went to dinner with the kids and his parents, it was nice. He fell asleep on the couch and then woke up about 2:30am. I was still awake watching a movie. We wound up staying up intil 4:45am talking. It was nice. He tucked me into bed and we wound up falling asleep together. I felt very content and safe.........a sigh of relief? yes....Today he is at his house 1 hour away with his friends on a snowmobile trip...I wish that I was with him now....I miss him so much.....but I haven't been able to respond to him telling me he loves me so much....I don't know why...seems like a very natural response but for some reason I just cannot say those words yet.....

Christine

Don't worry about not being able to say these words just yet. If the feelings that you are having are true feelings about him, the words will come in due time. IT isn't the words that count anyway it is the way you show it in the things you do.
Take things one day at a time, things will become more clear each and ever day, soon you will know exactly what you want to do no question about it.

Hi!

I don't know how 'MB-ish' this advice will be....but I would hold off calling off the divorce for a little longer. He obviously is treating you better since you filed, but we all know that could be a ploy to make you bend to his will and allow him to be a cakeman.

First you need to make absolutely sure he is not just trying to win you over, that HE wants the marriage, that HE is willing to fight for you, that HE is going to make the necessary changes alongside you to make your marriage better.

Buying you a car just sounds so like a bribe to me...a penance payment. My piano was like that. I had wanted one for sixteen years, and finally got one after the first affair he was caught in <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> .

PLEASE know I do not want to burst your balloon, but be careful before you change any plans you have made. I know I wish I had have waited a little longer before recommitting my heart to my vvvVstbx. Cos he broke it twice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .

Love and light,

Jacky

Christine, hate to say, this but I second Nina's advice. I got the new car and the I love you's and I called off the divorce not long after d'day #1 - 6 months later I traded it in for a truck - anything to get rid of that tainted vehicle -after we'd been through numerous reconciliations and betrayals and filed for divorce and got a restraining order too.

I know how much you want this to work out, and I hope it does. Your inability to respond to his I love you's shows that your heart knows that you need to be cautious. Wait for more than words, wait for some commitment. Are you in IC? MC? Take care, Leslie

I went ahead and called my attourney and said I would like to put it on hold for now. He said that we could do nothing for about two months before anything needs to be done.

I am now feeling maybe I shouldn't have made that call. I don't know why. H has been staying at our house and it has been good but I am feeling smothered. I told him that and he apoligized. He also said he doesn't expect me to allow him to just move back in, that it is going to take alot of time to get to where we need to be. There was moments this weekend where it felt like he forgot what has happened and like he was trying to be like it was before, but what he doesn't realize is that before it was not good. He started doing things around the house changing bulbs and cleaning out the garage. It is great because he never did it before. I just feel like he is doing all of this stuff now because he just wants to come back. Seems pretty selfish for me to think that, but the way I think is you do stuff for eachother because you love eachother not because you have to. The way things have gone is I really don't totally believe he is doing this out of genuine love or affection, or maybe I am scared and I'm just not sure. There is always doubt in my mind that he is just trying to win me over?

Well, It would be just very easy to let him just come home right now. The kids understand that we are trying to work things out, and that we are just spending some time together, but daddy has not moved home yet. The smile on their faces when we told them that we are trying was picture perfect. My 4 year old said to us, "Mom, Dad, have you guys made up yet?" "Why don't you just say youre sorry and just make up would you?" OH..lovely child if it was only that easy..... right?

Christine

Fooltoolong,

I am not up with your story, but read this post and your tagline at the bottom of your post. I really only have one thing to say to you.

"Out of the mouths of babes..."

It is easier than you think to do what they say. And eventually you are going to have to let this go if the marriage is ever to have a chance. I am not saying this is easy, but it is simple. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

There is a huge difference between those two words. If you are interested sometime I will tell you my favorite joke that illustrates the difference.

I suspect you fear that your H isn't repentant enough, or that he might get something for free and not pay the emotional price that you feel is appropriate. That sort of thinking will only cost YOU. Whether you marriage makes or it doesn't, the price he pays has little to do with you. It isn't your job to judge him, only to decide whether you want to continue the marriage or not.

Frankly, if he is serious,and you treat him really well, the guilt he will feel will be quite a heavy punishment.

Just some thoughts. Hope something I said will help.

God Bless,

JL

I have to say that Just Learning has spoken words of wisdom. We can never trust in Man. We must trust God with everything. When we get in a hurry and try and make something happen, we get in front of God. Jesus was never in a hurry. Let go and see what God does. Why does everyone want a divorce in a hurry anyway? Why do we try and fix things ourselves and not let God work? Divorce doesn't end anything, it just changes things.

Our (or anyone else's) repentance belongs to God and no one else. We are told to forgive seven times seventy times.

To say someone will never change, doesn't say much about God.God can change anyone in His time.
Relax and let God work.Trust God not your husband.

gentle

over the past year I have had 2 or 3 different lawyers and called off the divorce at the last moment.I will finally go through with it this time. I feel I have to to maintain my self respect. It is amazing how men become attentive when you tell them you are leaving, then within a few weeks they get back to their old ways. I have decided that delaying the inevitable is only a waste of my life. You just have to amputate a gangrenous foot, there is no sense in trying to keep it.
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