I have been on this board since shortly after my H left, almost 4 years ago. I was a SAHM, although I had worked during about 3/4 of our 20 year marriage. Since he left, I went back to work, and am also pursuing a master's degree. I will finish next summer, my grades are very good, and I found a job in the profession which I like very much. After about six months of being on the verge of homelessness, I was finally able to purchase a tiny home for myself and six children to give them some stability. I now have a huge mortgage payment (though only slightly more than rent would be), and not much left in my retirement account.

Meanwhile, my H is still with the OW, maybe or maybe not married to her (depending on whether you believe him or what his W-2 says), able to afford to drive a luxury vehicle and go on vacations. He is refusing to contribute to our daughter's college expenses, though that is mandated by the state and the separation agreement. After being unemployed for over two years, even when the economy was booming, he took a job paying less than a third of what he had been earning, and consequently pays only minimal child support.

After I graduate, based on the best case scenario, the amount of money that I would be able to net after taxes, the decrease in child support due to my increased income, and the elimination of benefits such as fuel assistance, will be about $100 less than I earn now.

As I am close to 50, it is quite possible that I will be paying off graduate school loans for the rest of my life.

Financially, it would have made more sense to not go to graduate school, and just work some low paying job. If I had done that, I would have been eligible for more assistance programs, such as food stamps (obviously food is a rather large part of my budget), and the kids and I would have been better off. I regret the loss of all those hours and dollars that I have spent on graduate school, though at this point it would seem foolish not to finish - not to mention that my job requires it.

You are pretty smart, so maybe have already done this, but have you thoroughly explored all grants, etc. There seems to be (sometimes) assistance to displaced homemakers. Also have you thought of the Small Business Administration, starting a business (I know hard, but with 6 kids have built in workforce, so maybe some kind of family business will work), they have funds available too (and you could pay yourself as an employee). There is a book about multitude of govt. programs also (can't remember name but the author has these goofy commercials). You are 50, but the future is well....the future, this may be the hardest time, but good things are coming and your education will probably be an asset.

Not to mention the great example you set for your kids, and maybe that is the biggest payoff of all.

<small>[ January 16, 2003, 09:32 AM: Message edited by: LurkingAbout ]</small>

Education is always a valuable investment, whether is it viewed in your income abilities, or in your knowledge and self-worth.

Just a thought on the college expenses. A psychologist told me that depending on how the CS is written, if it states he should pay for college, your daughter could actually sue him for that money. You wouldn't need to do it, but she can if she's willing. It may be worth a try.

LurkingAbout,

I have applied for scholarships, but there are a fairly limited number available for people in my field, especially attending school part-time. The tuition was actually quite reasonable when I first started, but then jumped a whopping 35% all at once after I had taken several courses and it was too late to transfer.

We did have a family business at one point, and I discovered I was not cut out for that type of career. Plus, it is very helpful to have the benefits, especially health and disability insurance, that are available to me now.

newly,

That's a thought. It's not a huge amount that he would have to pay - most of her expenses are covered by grants and large loans.

Why should she pay loans, if he's obligated. Go after it. If it's written in the documents, she should get it.

Nellie,
with all you have and have had on your plate your post and the sentiment described there in must be expected...but some how i feel that you're much to bright to let the conveluted logic of the situation get you down for long.

i assume that you've given yourself an education because you love to learn, becuase you dream of fulfilling your true potential, because you dream of being more then you are, because it's better to know then not to know, because with this education you can make more of a contribution, because not giving it to yourself would have been a life sentence of mediocrity.

yes it's a b*tch that others who do less are provided with more but that's who *they* are. sorry Nellie but if it matters to you, i really like who YOU are.

coach

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by coach3530:
<strong> i really like who YOU are.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I echo this sentiment, Nellie.

It doesn't really matter HOW LONG it takes to pay back the loans. It WILL pay off to have the education. Right now, maybe it doesn't seem like it will be monetarily beneficial, but I'll be willing to bet that doors will open which don't even seem possible at this point. Having advanced degrees always does this.

BTW - there used to be a program called "Displaced Homemakers" especially for SAHM's who found themselves suddenly "displaced" (euphemism for "Divorced and untrained for the workforce"). It might be worth it to see if this program is still active. If so, an attorney can petition exH to have to pay for your education to make you employable.

Nellie, you are one smart lady. You will be fine, and it will all work out, I have no doubt. Maybe some side-line way to enhance your income, given your future level of education?

I respect your opinions greatly, and always look for your posts. Please take care, and God Bless.

<small>[ January 16, 2003, 06:25 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

Nellie,
I know it may seem like a double edged sword, but think of how much better off you are now (and your self esteem) with better job options. Sure a low paying job with little or no future might not have been bad, but you took the high road and bettered yourself. And I know -- I'm in my last semester of grad school -- I have no life, tuition bills up the yazoo, and a constantly fried brain. But I'm glad I did it. I would have been much more miserable spending empty, wasted hours dwelling on my problems.
YOU ARE TO BE CONGRATULATED!!!
1Red

Hi Nellie1,

Since I was one of many people that talk about how great school can be, I truly understand your point if school is worth it, in our society it almost seems the 'less you make and have ' the more free benefits you get from the Gov. Then the more you make the more taxes you pay to the Gov and you start looking at the facts and numbers and almost say whats the point of trying so hard when I only walk in this financial oppression?

But I want to say that your education is not in vain, it's really going to pay off one day. My BIL had his masters in busn manangement but only could get a job at Mcdonalds and Pizza Hut for years, I remember he was at that point of saying what was the use of college it was a waste, stated it was all a joke and illusion, then he refocused himself over time while working fastfood, took some medical classes, today he's a Director of a medical center making $70,000 a yr.

So don't give up - Post those degree's on the Wall and you show your kids and let that be in front of them daily so that they will strive to achive an education in whatever they're talened to do as they get older, they'll say Momma did it and so can I. Seperation or DV don't have to be a handicap for there Future, what you achive will lay some ground work for what they will achive, you may have 6 kids but you'll have 6 outstanding kids that beat the odds, why? because of what momma did.

Me going to school is only to go to the next level in life, I'm not seeking a degree but want bring out the talent I have, to me this is just like taking music lessions on an instrument you already know how to play self taught but now you are in front of an music instructor 20 years later. Since I got married young raising my kids was the focus money wasn't always there. Now that I'm single again I'm trying to make something more of myself so if I have another mate, at least the lack of money will not be the center of arguments.

You keep up the good work!

I appreciate all the support and encouragement. I hope this master's degree will eventually do me some good, financially. This is my second master's - after I got my previous one, I was unable to get a job in the field, and ended up working in a different field for a long time. The really sad thing was that one of my fellow students, who was pursuing a PhD and who had done very impressive and somewhat famous research, was unable to find a job because he was overqualified. He had a child and a pregnant wife at the time, and once advised me that whatever I did, not to get a PhD.