Forgive me, but IMHO, when some one reads an ad, that intrigues them, and then MEETS that person, and then FINDS OUT that perhaps that person was, to their taste emotionally, but not up to par physically, it would not matter WHAT was written from that point, forward.. so who is kidding who here..

yes the fact that some one took a chance and met that person, from only reading thier ad, is quite brave, I must say, so I give you that.. but personally chemistry out ways ALL, when two people meet, the PLUS is if both click PHYSICALLY, in order to take the time to see if this new found freind, and he/she will last..

the thing that kills it/me most, is every one now a days, (and I mean every one!) has to have all of you, right NOW! and are not willing to give it the time it takes/needs to get to know some one from the inside out.. they all want the trophy around thier arms, and nothing else seems more important..

there is no sincerity in this world any more.. and it has nothing to do with age either.. this is something taught and learned from early on now a days from every asspect of life.. outer shell/image is all that seems to count.. until later.. thats the sad truth..

Yes, attraction is important, yes, the two have to meet, and agree to take the nest step and move forward.. but what is that next step to both.. to one, (mostly woman) it may be spending ALOT more time together, to get to know each other to find out if they want to even get to (what should be) the next level, which is physical.. but NO.. most have to jump your bones asap, before anything else has even developed..and IMHO, thats the main problem of all right now..

Every one puts on a front, initially.. we are all always on our best behavior for some time, which is natrual, and by the time you see them for WHO they are, wam.. you`ve already given in, and have gone way beyond (way too fast) the meaning of what true LOVE really is, of what a good relationship developes on, which starts with freindship.. there is no freindship any more..

thats MHO..

AV

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Anna2000:
<strong>AND boy! All these horror stories about people faking who they are really concerns me!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, Anna, there is too much deceit. Before I met practicalfocus (welcome to MB!), I detected some fakery from the females in match.com, as well.

My only point was that the on-line dating services don't have a corner on that market. Do you think the guys hanging around the bar are all on the up-and-up? Nope, you're too smart for that. It's all the same game - just a different way to deal the cards.

Good luck!

WAT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>[QUOTE]My only point was that the on-line dating services don't have a corner on that market. Do you think the guys hanging around the bar are all on the up-and-up? Nope, you're too smart for that. It's all the same game - just a different way to deal the cards.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Excellent point WAT, and in fact I think the online sites have a level of anonymity not present in the Bar Scene. At least you can email correspond, then IM, way before you talk on the phone or face to face. This has a serious advantage in my view from both a safety and attraction viewpoint. But I agree its not everyone's ideal.

For me it was very difficult to do the Bar Scene because of my work.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by softman:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
<strong>[QUOTE]My only point was that the on-line dating services don't have a corner on that market. Do you think the guys hanging around the bar are all on the up-and-up? Nope, you're too smart for that. It's all the same game - just a different way to deal the cards.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Excellent point WAT, and in fact I think the online sites have a level of anonymity not present in the Bar Scene. At least you can email correspond, then IM, way before you talk on the phone or face to face. This has a serious advantage in my view from both a safety and attraction viewpoint. But I agree its not everyone's ideal.

For me it was very difficult to do the Bar Scene because of my work.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Worthalot & Softman,

I too don't do the bar scene.

I also think from what I've seen and heard. If you wait too long to meet someone, the IMing and Emailing goes into a fantasy and fictionalizes a person who doesn't exist, you kind of go in to a fog of your own and it takes a long time, sometimes a long time even after meeting them to wake you up from the fog and make you realize it was all just fantasy and in the real world they are not like what you made them out to be.

practical focus,

I'm glad you found someone but hope you take it slow.

c'ya'll,

ANNA

You are right Anna, I wasn't suggesting that the R stays on email or IM, just that it can be nice to start there often without the initial draw of physical attraction. I went onto phone calls and then met in public areas etc. didn't want to date an Axe woman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by softman:
<strong>didn't want to date an Axe woman <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well heck! That just eliminated me!!!!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I'll never find a man to date!

ANNA

I wonder if it would be a LB to ask someone you were going out with for the first time to provide photograph identification and a copy of their divorce decree or a notarized statement attesting to their single-ness?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>I wonder if it would be a LB to ask someone you were going out with for the first time to provide photograph identification and a copy of their divorce decree or a notarized statement attesting to their single-ness?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NOW THAT'S FUNNY!

Okay, adding to that criteria. They need to also show documentation of sanity by a licenced psychiatrist and also a medical document showing no sexual diseases. I think a lie detector test is in order also.

ANNA

only men who called me after D, was X friends. Im not into dating. Problem with our son, Dr. says he doesnt want me to date. Afraid I will walk out on him like dad did. I dont mind, right now I wouldnt trust anyone. when ready I will try men who go to our church or maybe a friend of someone. It will have to be a guy that someone knows his background, no strangers.

Wow,

I leave for the w/e and the thread takes over!

Thank you all for your advice and opinions. It seems, like most things, some things work for some and not others.

I'm not sure if the on-line thing is for me, but I'm certainly open to different avenues. It does seem like it would be ok if privacy is monitored.

I'm not looking right now for a serious relationship, but I am looking to find several new people to enjoy my time with.

I'll keep you posted on the progress.

WAT and Practical, how wonderful that you two have found one another. I wish you both much happiness.

Thanks again everyone.

God Bless

practicalfocus

Welcome to MB!

What did you do to "screen" men you saw on match.com? It seems more and more I am hearing about couples who initially met on the internet. I suspect too that in your profile, you tried to narrow the type of responses that you would get. Just out of curiosity, did you get any down right loosers?

D.

Thank you for the welcome, D.!

I think what you are hearing is true--it's becoming a "normal" way to meet new people. Fortunately, I got plenty of responses, even without posting my picture. I think men favor seeing a picture, but you can offset that by being very clear in your written description of yourself, what you are seeking, what you enjoy doing in your free time, what’s important to you, etc. At the risk of annoying some men out there—I really wasn’t interested in responding to anyone who “demanded” a photo (and some are obnoxiously demanding!) in their correspondence. (Sorry guys—it's just a personal thing with me!) If they couldn’t envision me as someone interesting enough to meet based on what I wrote of myself, without seeing a picture, I just really didn’t feel that was the type of person I wanted to meet. But you can be more relaxed about that than me! (I understood the guy's instincts—I just didn’t choose to date him!)

The responses were pretty easy for me to weed out and, in fact, everyone I did choose to meet was a very nice guy! No “downright losers”, but here are some things you might want to consider when weeding to prevent that possibility: you’ll get men responding who are out of your search radius (I had someone write from 200 miles away!). Weird! Responses that sounded like form letters don’t cut it. You’ll usually know them when you see them—they have little personality and likely no references to anything unique from your profile; this guy’s just broadcasting his search in a buckshot approach. The profiles define a lot of specifics…for example, marital status. If he’s still Separated but everything else looks okay, invite him to contact you again after his divorce is final. If he says he smokes, you may not be interested. Level of education may be a factor for you—if it is, can he write? i.e. Does he have good syntax and spelling in his written profile? Some people filter out others based on profession, earnings, height, photograph, kids, pets, stated “turn-ons” or “turn-offs”—those are all a personal thing based on what you’re looking for—but usually aren’t reason to not meet someone for a “first date”. My guess is that “body type” or “religion” may be used more often by some people when filtering. Personally, I was always more interested in how they answered the questions about what they would do with their free time on a day off! If the short questions he answers in the section describing his “matches” are left unanswered or are quickly answered by “all” for every category, I suggest you be cautious. Here’s a guy who already can’t answer simple questions and isn’t investing the time in brief answers, or isn’t discerning enough about what he’s looking for to answer anything but “all” to the selection criteria (this will all make sense when you look at a Match.com profile). For example, if he includes that he’s looking for women that “drink like a fish”, is this the guy you want to meet? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Generally, some men in their profile will clearly state they're just looking for friendship (sometimes AKA "sex"). Don't date these guys if you're looking for a long-term relationship! If the guy can't write enough in his profile to capture the essence of who he is and what he is searching for, just be aware that this could mean he doesn't know who he is or what he is searching for! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Are you looking for someone in that life stage?

A big “no-no” for me is the guy who has children, but doesn’t say anything warm about them in his profile or in the first email he sends you. Not a good sign in my opinion. Another type I was cautious about (sorry, guys!) was the man who was seeking women at a very young age relative to his own age (e.g. he’s 55 and he wants to date a 26-year-old). This type of guy could have a maturity or reality problem! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Also, if a guy’s profile says “NO” to the question “Want children?”, this could be a concern for some women, particularly those who DO want children or HAVE children. I have some understanding for men who already have children and answer “no” – they don’t want any more. But I personally have a bit of a problem with a man who has never experienced children and answers that question with a “no”. Is it possible he’s a somewhat “selfish” guy? (Guys, don’t get me wrong—there are some good reasons to not want children…as long as that doesn’t mean you’re incapable of responsibility, sharing, forsaking, and all those other great qualities that having children in your life require! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )

I chose to courteously reply to everyone who wrote me, if only to wish them early success in finding a match.

Remember, if you like him enough to continue the relationship, but aren’t sure if he’s really divorced—just find out the month/year of his divorce, his ex-wife’s first name, and the County in which they divorced. Then head over to that County Courthouse and read his divorce file (free for the asking!) It’s the fastest way to take away any mystery there!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by WillGetThruThis:
<strong>What did you do to "screen" men you saw on match.com?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">With the site I used I made sure that the women wanted to just email at first. I stated up front I wasn't into Cybersex or stuff like that, that I just wanted to talk via email - no IM. If they didn't like that I never replied. I blocked their profiles from appearing again and also their email addresses.

I started with just emailing, then in time IM. In time I felt a bit more confident to give my cell number. Then in time (a few have my home number). After awhile (and I am talking a few months not days) I asked some of them out. I am now seeing someone I met this way.

<small>[ January 28, 2003, 07:36 AM: Message edited by: softman ]</small>

OK, I have to jump in here with another vote for match.com as well. practicalfocus shared some really good thoughts about it. (welcome to MB! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ) and I thought I'd add a thought or two.

I have also had VERY good luck with match.com. I just intended to try it for a month or two to see what would happen, and to kind of build up my self-confidence. I talked to, and met some very nice men! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Yes, there were also a couple of duds, but they were not "real losers". Nothing bad has happened. I have currently been dating a wonderful man from match for over 2 months, and things are going very well <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> !!

The thing I found helpful, was my attitude of keeping it light, and being willing to kindof "go through the numbers". I was willing to strike up conversations on e-mail, then phone, then to meet (in a public place!!!) with the attitude that nothing may come of it. You can't expect miracles. I found that it really makes a difference to meet someone in person. I also looked at each experience as a chance to learn and grow. I look back now and laugh at myself, and how nervous I was, and all the things I wished I had done differently, with the 1st couple of men I met.

Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I've had a good experience with it. People that don't have good experiences with it (IMO), either don't contact enough prospects, or expect too much "magic" too soon, and aren't willing to get to know people before judging compatibility.

(P.S. I have heard that men are not contacted as often as women. So all you men out there, don't be afraid to send out those contacts. Don't wait for the women to come to you. A lot of women are still kind of traditional when it comes to making the first move.)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>There is now a venting princess in your midst.

.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cinderella, you of all people know that after a LONG search, it only matters when the shoe fits! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Best wishes!

<small>[ January 28, 2003, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: practicalfocus ]</small>

Question for any of you. Have you tried the christian internet match. I can't remember the one that I heard on my christian radio I listen to. But I will write it down the next time I hear it. I am scared, and yes, I am of the old rules, don't be aggressive, don't be pushy.

Also, I don't plan on marrying again. It is not worth the pain. I just want to have fun with someone, and keep it at that. Plus, I married my husband with vows and committment. To marry someone else would be a sin in Gods eyes.

Once your profile is out there, you really don't know who you are talking to. That seems to be scary.

Heck, my WH and his other woman, didn't really know each other. But they were able to have sex and didn't think anything about it. I am more preserved in this area, and that is one of the things that my husband liked about me. But of course now, he sees the other woman, with her sexual activities in her marriage more thrilling, and her being more willing to do things that I wouldn't do, more attractive. the grass is greener on the other side. Until you are in the same house, paying the same bills, meeting the same people, and living under the same roof. The sex may be great for awhile, but loyalty, committment, vows mean a great deal more. And love, mine was a true love, my husbands was a fantasy love, a liking to each other that was deceit, lies, unfaithfulness, and sin.

Does anyone else know of christian sites to meet people?

I did an online personals thing back in the dark ages. Maybe I'm not good at writing those things but it got me three responses. Two of them were too old. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> And I exchanged a few emails with one of them and he disappeared. Oh, add another respondent. He told me he was married. I told him he needed to see a counselor. (Can you LB someone you don't know?)

Why does the diplomat have to be so far away? How come airline tickets are so expensive?

<small>[ January 29, 2003, 08:20 AM: Message edited by: cinderella ]</small>

Haven't tried Christian online matching, am not a christian so that's probably why.

At the end of the day whether it's online or in a bar there is not much difference in my view. Also the Online option is much safer for those alone or who are unable to fit into the after work Bar Scene, myself included. Just my $0.02.

Faith4me,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Have you tried the christian internet match. I can't remember the one that I heard on my christian radio I listen to. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You may be referring to eharmony.com. I'm not sure that it's a Christian site, but I HAVE heard it advertised on Christian radio. They are supposed to have a more in-depth personality profile and matching.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cinderella:
<strong>Why does the diplomat have to be so far away? How come airline tickets are so expensive?

Have been seeing him for 2 years. Long Distance Relationship - seeing him is like vacation - we have no plans for a future as a couple and no plans to end the relationship.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cinderella, you might want to consider that whoever said "distance makes the heart grow fonder" likely never experienced divorce.

Two years becomes a long time if it's distracting you from finding sooner what you truly seek.

On another note, do you and the diplomat share the traveling burden? www.qixo.com is a good site for airfare comparisons.

If you really want an answer as to why the diplomat has to be so far away -- it's because he chooses to be where he feels he has commitments....