I used to post on this board a lot about 2 yrs ago.

my brief story.
Me 30 ex wife 29... divorced May 2001 marrige only 2 yrs dated 4 yrs before marriage.
She left me for a married man, who left her shortly after our divorce.
I told her NEVER to call me or see me again.

She lives right down the road from me, and i know exactly what apartment cause i can see her livingroom from the road.

a few days ago she told a buddy of mine at the Gym that she found some old baby pics of me, and asked if she should take them too me.
He said he didnt know and that she should just contact me. I didnt think anything of it, cause i am moving to the east coast(16hours away). and he told her i was moving.

Yesterday i drove by her apartment going to the store. and noticed she had moved(her apartment was empty).. well i FREAKED out for some reason.
and i called her and left a message about those pics, and she called me right back. She told me she has just bought a condo, and we talked for about 30 mins and it was civil and nice. But still i dont understand why her moving bothered me so damn much... i mean i am moving away myself and that doesnt bother me.

Hi, I'm guessing that because you ARE a normal person, complete with emotions, memories, feelings, and because you apparently took enough time to get to know your ex wife before getting married, your connection was genuine and deep.

The divorce severed you legally. Your "stay away from me" severed you from continued wounding and pain.

A part of your life is gone. Is my math correct? 4 yrs dating, 2 yrs married, and you used to post a lot 2 yrs ago does that equal 8 yrs? A substantial chunk of life, complete with slices of broken heart.

ex wife having affair took away all your power and control of your life. Sort of like a spinal cord injury. All you could do was watch.

Then she moved close enough to you that even without contact you were able to see into her living room window. That was safe. You knew she was there, but she wasn't able to get to you.

She mentions baby pictures to a friend. Wow, how much more emotional can you get! Part of your lost Eden. Part of something that is gone forever. Without being facetious I tell you I would salivate at the prospect of my lost baby pictures being returned to me!

You were able to talk together on the phone. That's good. It didn't throw you into a tailspin, did it?

Your moving away is something where you are in control of your life. Her moving away is again like your being paralized, watching a wreck and not being able to stop it.

Diagnosis: You're normal. And a nice guy. I hope your new life is wonderful.

Thank you very much for your kind words.

I do realize that one of the main reasons i bothered me is cause of the lose of control. Even though i was NEVER a controling person even in the relationship.

But i think having her right down the road and knowing where she lived was some form of comfort.
I told her when we divorced to NEVER contact me, yet even her being right down the road was still some comfort.

Seeing her up and move and me not knowing what is going on, cause me to freak out.

I really dont want her back at all, i just wish i could get over her

You don't need to be a control freak to hate loss of control. And being lied to and betrayed is sort of like being paralized. You just stand there, watching, while things happen. And can't just walk away because you CARE.

What you said about comfort was well put. That idea never occured to me. But it makes sense. Even a little comfort after having your world turned inside out is needed.

I hope you are happy in your new home, with your fresh start. The good thing is, you learn so much on the MB boards, that should you remarry or date someone else, you'll be so much better equipped to deal with a relationship.