My wife told me for 14 years that she was a truthful and loyal wife. We both have created problems in the marriage and recently she had an affair. It turns out she is not loyal and lied on a regular basis. Her affair is painted as a (bad thing) only after she is caught at it. (Another lie she hoped to pull off). I love her and decided to try and work through this as painful as it is. The problem is the fact that she wants me to be sorry for the bad marriage and has no admission of the role she played in it. I have excepted the share of me that didnt help the marriage but what about her infidelity? I hear it is my fault and thats it. I would like to try and save my marriage as there are also 2 children 14, and 17 involved. I also have an opportunity to "cheat" with a woman that has been after me for 4 years and the struggle at home is wearing me weak. I have never cheated in my marriage but am not so sure I won't anymore. I love my wife but it appears all one sided. If she dont believe in the marriage and wears me out .........why should I be faithful? Whatever happened to "whats good for the goose is good for the gander? I long for her, and feel she witholds. She says she wants to work it out but only does something when pressured to do so. It is getting old fast. Would like to stay in love with her but I need a 50% commitment. She refuses. Is it over if only one person is in love? Help

That is horrible, I too just found out that my husband was involved with another person for the last 7 months, he has stated that they havent crossed the line but a metal relationship is still their including a very deep friendship.. Honesty is the hardest thing to get back in a marriage after it is gone, trust me even though i tell myself things will get better I always think about it. It was kept very secret and there was no need if indeed it was only a friendship.. The only thing i can tell you is not to have an affair in return that will serve no purpose and you will be no better than her.. Things go wrong in marriages and people are always quick to blame the other person, i know because i did this, lately though i see my part in the destruction of my marriage and it hurts me, but i am growing everyday to make my self a better person and to stay real with myself, because no matter what someone else does to you, you are the one who needs to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and except yourself.. If you would like to email me you can at Megansmomm@yahoo.com.. It will get better day after day trust me, but most of all trust in yourself and except and change your part in this failure.. Dont punish yourself over someone elses weakness though. take care

I really appreciate your feedback. You know the idea of trust is sharply cut off when one discovers that the other is a liar. All of the words they say when caught are suppose to be true. I believe, and God help me for this, that people who cheat are are nothing more than prostitutes. They can paint it any way they want but the fact still remains that they and they alone got naked with someone else at the others expense. I walk around the print shop and can think of nothing else that everything she did was at my expense, the childrens expense and the family,s expense. I believe a marriage can be saved but women better understand that even though things may have been bad in thier marriage they and they alone made all of the love busters choices to make thier needs above God, husband children and family. To try and paint the picture any other way or place blame on the marriage for thier screwing around is false. At least when we argued in the marriage we had our clothes on. Thank you again for your comments.

Read all the information here on affairs. You might want to post in the "General Questions" forum. You will get more feedback there.

well we can tell you're a man. What about taking a look from the other side of the coin. No , it's not right for your wife to cheat and lie, but maybe you have to look at both of your actions over the last few years to see what drove her to it.Most women,I'm sure, have no intention of cheating in their marriage, but something drives them to it. Lack of attention, no love, put downs, a husband who works too much and so is not at home enough, maybe physical abuse to go along with the mental abuse , and probably a lot more reasons. Take a long look inside yourself, and ask your wife for truthful answers as to why she did this. I've been there-done that..I was in denial of doing wrong, my husband only blamed himself, But we talked and talked and talked...finally we came to realise that we had both been wrong.If you can't talk face to face at first, try writing notes (we used email). <BR>If your wife is holding back as you say, then maybe you need to find out why. If 'love' has not existed in your house for a while she will be finding it very hard to break down the emotional barriers she has created to deal with the problem. <BR>But if you take the attitude that you can treat your wife anyway you want to, and she just has to put up with it..then one day you'll wake up and she'll be gone.<BR>I wish you both luck...get rid of the bad attitude...think nice thoughts instead.<P>