My H has been home for 3 months, and did real good with the withdrawal at first.. But recently has seen/spoke to the ow and it sent him back into withdrawal.. He says he knows that with me is where he wants to be, needs to be etc., but the pull is so strong toward ow.. Says it is so difficult.. Could anyone that has made it through withdrawal give my H some encouragement that he can get through it and that he will be able to feel good in his marriage again once he gets ow totally out of his life? H says he knows if he left, it would be the biggest mistake of his life, but is scared that he will always feel like he is just going through the motions with me.. Anyone who has been through it, and made it, or spouses who have watched there H or wives go through it please help. I am going to print out the responses I get from you and let him read them.. Thanks,

Hi mickey65,<P>I'm probably not the best guy to respond to your post, cuz I'm not exactly a success story yet. I hope to be some day.<P>I'm currently going through withdrawal myself. I work at the same company as the OW and it's been hellish (actually today is my last day at this current job, so I'll be away from that situation!). It HAS gotten better over time because I've been keeping away. I did break down a few times and contact her via email. But the last time, she made it pretty clear that she was getting on in her life, so that stopped that.<P>My wife and I still have huge issues to deal with besides the affair. We're currently not talking much right now, although we have plans to go out together tonite, so maybe our relations will improve.<P>It's pretty true that after any contact, withdrawal starts over again. So it's very important that your husband not contact the OW anymore. He's got to realize that it'll only cause pain and more pain to himself. It's not worth it, it's useless, and it's a waste of time. It won't help for you to tell him. He has to realize that on his own.<P>I believe that your husband will not get the picture that he can be happy with you until his withdrawal is COMPLETELY over. He doesn't believe it now, because the cloud of the OW is still hanging over his head. But at least he can start thinking -- "OK, I'll give myself time to get over the OW, THEN I'll see if I can be happy with my wife." It's a step by step process. It doesn't happen all at once.<P>The hard part is that YOU are going to have to be patient with him while he works through this. You HAVE to avoid love-busting, which may just drive him back to contacting her again. Now I'm not saying ignore your feelings of hurt and anger. But buffer yourself. Vent your feelings elsewhere so you can deal with him in a non-love-busting manner.<P>Again, I think this is gonna be really hard for you. I've posted to AMHARRISON about this same thing. You and her both are going to have tough going through it.<P>good luck, and I hope my post helps a little...<P>--andy<p>[This message has been edited by airheart (edited September 03, 1999).]

I've had no contact with the OP for 3.5 months now. Many days are still tough. But, slowly I am getting reconnected with my husband. This makes everything better. It's going to take time. Your H knows that he wants to be with you. Tell him to keep busy and he really must make a very final break with the OW. It's too easy for him to hope for some future contact if he doesn't make a final and definite break. Be kind to him. I know from experience that it's easy to translate the difference in emotions felt for H and OP into reality, with negative consequences. I wish you well.

Thank you both!! Anyone else out there going through this or have been through it, drop a note.. It helps.. Thanks again.