It is coming up on a year now since my XW and I split. I took stock of myself today and realized how far I have come and how far I still have to travel.

I have to admit that over the years I had picked up some abusive(abusive does not necesarrily mean physical, but rather emotional and verbal) relationship skills and today I confronted myself and I am happy to say I have eliminated those traits for the most part. There are still some things I want to improve on.

Today I clearly saw how abusive my XW had been and still is with the OM. I can really see how bad I was and that I am okay now and getting better everyday.

The most important things I have learned is that I am not reponsible for anyone elses happiness and that I determine what behavior I will or will not accept. For my part I will do my best not to contribute to someone elses misery.

For anyone who is with someone with BPD: The truth is stranger that fiction. As time passes I learn more and more about this horrible mental illness and the unbelievable things people are capable of. If you are with someone with BPD who does not accept their condition and get treatment then you are headed for disaster. Life should be more than just survival.

Recently I found myself quelling stories about my XW and actually defending her. Unfortunately I've come to realize the stories are probably true because they are consistent with BPD and not any worse than anything else that I have first hand knowledge of. It can be very hard hit to the psyche to see what a BPD SO can do. You can't take it personally and you have to realize they are just trying to survive as best they can. It is not about you, but about them. That is the hardest thing be believe, but it is true.

I've learned to keep my personal boundaries up. Now I have to learn how to allow my GF to keep hers up. I have learned a lot from my XW and many things need to be un-learned but not forgotten.

You can love again, you can trust again, you can have a healthy relationship.

I will always love my XW and hope she will get the help she needs one day. He future is in her hands. For now she is continuing the cycle.

In a way I have continued my cycle as well, but I think that will be ending. I truly look at life and my relationships differently now. Healthier I know.

Take your time. Step back. Take stock of yourself. Ask yourself the hard questions. They aren't so hard after all.

It is not difficult to do the right thing. The difficult part is knowing what the right thing to do is. Once you know what the right thing is to do you are compelled to do it.

People are telling me my W is BP, and your so right, all we are all doing is surviving, we deserve better, i'm working on a solution, its tough, and i feel for her, but its wearing me down, and time is passing, its never easy is it!!