yes

It is a matter of respect. Respect for laws and time to heal also. I am not dating anybody and have been separated for a year and a half.

Am divorcing a man much like satan..lol...And yet I know I am not healed enough but gettin' there faster b/c of his new crap he's done.

But I want my son to see his mother doing things the right way. Dating when she's divorced from dad. Seeing mom only sleep with someone when she's married.

How can we expect our children to grow up and have healthy relationships and marriages if we are horrible role models and say one thing on one hand and do another.

Adultery sucks. It is wrong. But we can't use their sin to justify our unmet needs for the moment. That is all it is right now for me. And when the ink is dry, I will see if I am ready and just may consider dating that very day.

So here's my time line...I get divorced...I visit Victoria's secret and buy something for me for the day (hopefully soon) when I will feel, well more...uh ummm...romantical...

I think things are best when done in that order. Kinda like if you reverse the order of things you get the wrong outcomes...

Just a joke here to lighten the mood.

But I want my son to see his mother doing things the right way. Dating when she's divorced from dad. Seeing mom only sleep with someone when she's married.

eewwwwwww, gross!

<small>[ May 08, 2003, 05:16 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

No it's not OK.

What are we teaching our children (or other's children) about commitment?

Is the plank = 'values of the world'?

Jim/NSR

You're either married or you're not. Even if you're separated, you're still married. So I say "No, it's not OK to date others before the marriage has been declared over by a judge or clergy."

Oh, if there were only "simple" answers to everything! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

In a perfect world, the answer would be "no."

In a black & white world of moral absolutes, the answer would also be "no."

However, we don't live in a perfect world, do we?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>SIMPLE INSTRUCTIONS!

One question. Yes or no answer.
We will discuss later. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Is it okay to date others (apart from your spouse) while married? This means the judge/clergy have not ended the marriage.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> NO!!!!

Not only is it not okay to date others apart from your stbx spouse before the divorce is final, signed, sealed and delivered--after it is "official" I would wait a while and work on myself and heal my own inner wounds. Otherwise, I'll just make the same mistakes again!

I'm walking the walk, not just talking the talk!! Three years I worked on repairing/reconciling the marriage--the divorce has taken 6 months so far and will probably be at least another 2 or 3 months, and after that, I plan to be completely through with at least STEP FOUR of my 12-Step program before I even consider dating. Until then, I have PLENTY to do working on myself.

It's called maturity and self-control.

CJ

NO!
I agree also with GDP.

<small>[ May 09, 2003, 02:34 AM: Message edited by: betrayed and desperate ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NO</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Negative ghostrider

No, Nope, notta..... For me it's a respect and religion issue.

Sorry, Chris but I want to discuss, C'mon.... Can we, huh, pleazzzz....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dueinjan:
<strong>I think I would if I met someone I liked, that liked me, liked my kids and if I were strong enough to handle potential rejection</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It's great that you are will to wait until YOU are ready for rejection, but what about the kids? Why would you even bring someone into their lives that your "dating"?

yeah, where is the discussion part, the no's are hogging the field with their commentary. This isn't a yes or no thing, nothing is that simple. For example, there are folks who have been abandoned, and alone for years, but not divorced cause of cost, or other issues. All the emotional processing completed long ago. Then in the normal course of everyday life they meet someone, what then, oh excuse me, I can't talk to you, call me in a year or so (assuming one can get all the legalities done). The answer to this question has to be relevant to ones circumstances.

Also is this just a Christian thread? Cause religion is independent of the question, one can cite relgion to support any view one wants. But I do wonder about the Christian rules. Leaveing out the legal side, when is a Christian divorced (and can therefore date I assume). Doesn't the bible say something about just saying I divorce you, and that is it? So for Christians to date, they only have to decide for themself they are divorced (in other words no longer want to live in a married way with their current spouse). And wouldn't that also then allow their spouse to date if they want?

<small>[ May 09, 2003, 09:09 AM: Message edited by: sufdb ]</small>

yeah, where is the discussion part, the no's are hogging the field with their commentary.
starting another thread fir discussion.

This isn't a yes or no thing, nothing is that simple.
Sure it is, unless one chooses to make it more difficult.

For example, there are folks who have been abandoned, and alone for years, but not divorced cause of cost, or other issues.
Then the answer is yes, it's okay to date while married.

Then in the normal course of everyday life they meet someone, what then, oh excuse me, I can't talk to you, call me in a year or so (assuming one can get all the legalities done).
But talking to someone and pursuing/developing a relationship (dating) are two different things.

Also is this just a Christian thread?
No. It's a yes or no thread. (Yeah, right <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

Doesn't the bible say something about just saying I divorce you, and that is it?
Never heard that. I seem to recall that is a Muslim/Islam belief (forgive me if I'm wrong).

So for Christians to date, they only have to decide for themself they are divorced (in other words no longer want to live in a married way with their current spouse).
Christians are told to obey the laws of Man. Man says you're divorced when the papers are signed by a judge/competent authority.

<small>[ May 09, 2003, 12:09 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by avondale25:
<strong>You're either married or you're not. Even if you're separated, you're still married. So I say "No, it's not OK to date others before the marriage has been declared over by a judge or clergy."</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">True. But in some states where a separation period is mandated before you can get the divorce, the issue of dating is sometimes handled in the legal separation agreement. In Texas, divorces can be filed for and be done and over with in 60 days. In some states, it can take as long as 1 to 2 years, depending on the states "separation" requirements.

You can be married, but separated, with a legal separation agreement that says "yes, it's ok if we date someone other than our 'spouse' while we are waiting for the final divorce judgement."

Also, I'd like to point out that not all marriages are "Christian" marriages.

daoren:
You replied to avondale25;
Also, I'd like to point out that not all marriages are "Christian" marriages.
avondale25 did not say anything about christianity. Clergy generally refers to the "elders" in a religious organization/entity/following.

Chris et al,

I've been separated from my W for 1 year. During that time I was and still am comitted to right my life with the Lord and do some housecleaning with my C. My W has stated all along that she was filing for dv...still waiting. We are in NC mode, so I'm not certain where she's at on this. During this time of recovery/healing and my W stating her intentions, I thought it wasn't a "bad" time to begin dating...How wrong I was.

I learned a few things during my short stint of dating and that was I still love my wife and more importantly I love the Lord enough to realize what I was doing was WRONG! I am comitted to my vows and being the WS need to wait out my sentencing until such time that our marriage is either restored or our dv is final. What I did was wrong and I have repented for it.

I longed for the companionship...it wasn't the intimacy I sought after. During my "dating" I discovered how quickly I abandoned the Lord and realized his love for me is so great that I can DO WITHOUT companionship because in him I am complete and have the best companion I've ever known!

It's been a long, trying and very challenging road of recovery and healing but I love the fact that my rtelationship with Christ comes first, even moreso than my natural tendencies to find companionship!

Thank you Lord!

In Christ's Name
<><

Chris et al,

I've been separated from my W for 1 year. During that time I was and still am comitted to right my life with the Lord and do some housecleaning with my C. My W has stated all along that she was filing for dv...still waiting. We are in NC mode, so I'm not certain where she's at on this. During this time of recovery/healing and my W stating her intentions, I thought it wasn't a "bad" time to begin dating...How wrong I was.

I learned a few things during my short stint of dating and that was I still love my wife and more importantly I love the Lord enough to realize what I was doing was WRONG! I am comitted to my vows and being the WS need to wait out my sentencing until such time that our marriage is either restored or our dv is final. What I did was wrong and I have repented for it.

I longed for the companionship...it wasn't the intimacy I sought after. During my "dating" I discovered how quickly I abandoned the Lord and realized his love for me is so great that I can DO WITHOUT companionship because in him I am complete and have the best companion I've ever known!

It's been a long, trying and very challenging road of recovery and healing but I love the fact that my rtelationship with Christ comes first, even moreso than my natural tendencies to find companionship!

Thank you Lord!

In Christ's Name
<><

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>daoren:
You replied to avondale25;
Also, I'd like to point out that not all marriages are "Christian" marriages.
avondale25 did not say anything about christianity. Clergy generally refers to the "elders" in a religious organization/entity/following.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Point taken. That being said, not all marriages are presided over by a religious elder. Common Law marriages and Justice O' the Peace marriages may not necessarily have any sort of religious involvement.

Chris, I got to say that this is an area where there are no absolutes, provided we're talking about estranged people who have filed for divorce or annulment.

If you tied me down, I'd say yes, it's okay. As Newly pointed out in some states divorces can be dragged out for a very long time. I'm not talking months, but years on end. My own parents' divorce took almost 6 years to be finally over and done. And there was clear cut infidelity.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by daoren:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>daoren:
You replied to avondale25;
Also, I'd like to point out that not all marriages are "Christian" marriages.
avondale25 did not say anything about christianity. Clergy generally refers to the "elders" in a religious organization/entity/following.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Point taken. That being said, not all marriages are presided over by a religious elder. Common Law marriages and Justice O' the Peace marriages may not necessarily have any sort of religious involvement.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Before we get carried away with misreading everything and having to state it repeatedly, the original post says, "This means the judge/clergy have not ended the marriage."
The slash means either, and, or. For instance, most clergy are empowered by the state to do a LEGAL marriage.