I am in no shape yet to meet the man of my dreams. I have to get myself to where I want to be before I can find someone at that level. Although I toy with the idea because it just might make me laugh and take this darn heart ache away for awhile. I have had one heck of a time finding any man I like. Unintentionally I made some small talk with one last weekend and after about 15 mins of conversation he wanted to take me out. I told him no I'm not ready for that yet. The he became disrespectful. Dang I just wanted to have a beer alone and relax, just once in my life...
I rarely find a really good looking man. Maybe it's where I live??? I'm tired of bad hairdo's, sloppy clothes, poor manners, and bad grammar.
Where are the funny guys with down home family values, are good in bed, and can sweep a girl off her feet with his sensitive side and quick wit?
I've so sick of the Steve Austin wanna-be's!

Christine look what you said????? Values? is this values you really want? in a man!!?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where are the funny guys with down home family values, are good in bed, and can sweep a girl off her feet with his sensitive side and quick wit?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">you must of made a mistake right? you didn't mean that are good in bed? is that a value you look for before marriage? I think not..
I got a chuckle out of it cause then you say and can sweep a girl off her feet..lol I guess if he tossed ya on a bed that would SWEEP you off your feet..heheh...

just funnin with you...rofl..think you weren't thinking right..I have been 5 years now without sex, if I can do this any one can..that was my favorite passion..out of everything with hubby..somoething I always enjoyed and miss sometimes the angrier I got the worse it made me want him..(HE didn't know that part..)
anyway for you there is a lifetime yet..I think I am too old to find someone and being celebate is my goal so sex..is out..unless in marriage and I am not doing THAT AGAIN..hurt too much..can't go through the pain of separation again..
take care you could go and fix your post.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey Mr. Riffraffe,
Thanks for the reply. I liked reading what you had to say, and you sound so wise. I will have to check on those books you suggested. Yes, I am in a safe place with Jesus, and it is so comforting to know that.
I filled out my questionairre for eharmony, and i'll see how that goes, I probably should have waited a few months, but i was very curious about it. Oh well, no harm. Take care.
KK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SadEyes:
<strong>[b]I have been 5 years now without sex, if I can do this any one can..</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">There is ABSOLUTELY no way I could go that long. I would have to ask god for forgivness.....I would burn with passion and lust.....there is no way. I would definately fall short in this area! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

... and I met my x at a church function.

I think the key for all of us might be to date with a little more intent, a few less blinders, and marry looking for things that make a person desirable long term, i.e. we need to know what our own long term goals and make sure we're dating people that complement those goals. After all, you marry who you date... unless you do the mail order bride thing from Russia... which I have to admit seems kind of alluring... I mean, they're guaranteed to be supportive for at least 7 years... because after 7 years if you divorce them, they retain citizenship.

LOL. I'm kidding, but no think about it. Also, it's hard to find guys with down home values in certain places. I like to think I have down home values... but you'll never find me in a bar or a night club.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Lyxa:
<strong>I think the key for all of us might be to date with a little more intent, a few less blinders, and marry looking for things that make a person desirable long term, i.e. we need to know what our own long term goals and make sure we're dating people that complement those goals. After all, you marry who you date...</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This I agree with. I have never been liked the idea of casual dating - there's too much room for misconstrual of intent, and too much potential for getting emotionally involved with someone who isn't an appropriate partner. And I have never liked the idea of going out hunting for prospects.

Just let me live my life normally - which even for an introvert like myself involves getting to know a fair number of people - and if in the normal course of events I meet someone who seems to have the potential to be a good long-term match, great! By the time a relationship proceeds to the "dating" stage, it should already be fairly clear whether there is sufficient compatibility of values and interests.

In my case, this means that I have only dated one woman - the woman I married. I still believe we were an excellent match for each other - or would have been if it hadn't been for certain unresolved issues that pre-dated our relationship.

In my case, this also means that there has only been one other woman I have wanted to date. Although she is not on the same page as myself in that respect, it doesn't look like she is completely closing the door. The right woman is worth waiting for, and a good friendship is something to treasure in its own right!

Hmmmm......divorced but yall were meant for each other??? Hmmmm....Ok. Anyhow, if you dont date, basically you are closing off a great number of woman who could potentially be MORE of what you are looking for. Basically you need to date in order to compare woman and see who fits you best. Do ya go out and buy the first car or house you see???.....I dont think so.

My STBXW is in the school environment. She has been at grade schools, middle schools and high schools. She claimed that HS's were like soap operas with the administators (usually men) chasing any skirt they could find. They are not very discreet about it either. One time, the principals son was at the school and everyone knew he as having an affair with a science teacher, because it(sex) was taking place at the school!

Now that I think about it, maybe my STBXW learned from her counterparts. Who knows, who cares?

It is too early for me to date, although, since I have lost about 35 lbs and I am not wearing my wedding ring, I notice women looking at me more and more. The strange thing is, I notice them more when I am with my boys. What's up with that?

<small>[ May 23, 2003, 02:14 PM: Message edited by: Living-In-Limbo ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ITSOVER:
<strong>Hmmmm......divorced but yall were meant for each other??? Hmmmm....Ok.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did I say that? I said we were an "excellent match", and that's what I believe. We were extremely compatible in terms of lifestyle, interests, personality, etc., and we complemented each other very well in significant ways. My ex-wife's emotional problems (and for a while mine) prevented our relationship from reaching its full potential, but nevertheless I believe that the potential was very real. I chose to face my issues and to invest myself in our marriage. Unfortunately, my ex-wife chose a different, more self-destructive, path.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Anyhow, if you dont date, basically you are closing off a great number of woman who could potentially be MORE of what you are looking for. Basically you need to date in order to compare woman and see who fits you best. Do ya go out and buy the first car or house you see???.....I dont think so.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did you go out and date the first woman you saw?

The last time I acquired a new vehicle, I test-drove three different models. I researched many more, and used my clear knowledge of what I was looking for to eliminate those other vehicles from consideration before I wasted my time going to car dealerships.

In most cases, I don't need to date a woman in order to see that she isn't a good fit. In most cases, a relationship at the "casual acquaintance" level is enough to enable me draw a conclusion. I have a very well-developed idea of what I value in a marriage partner and, since I don't need to be married in order to be fulfilled and happy, I am quite prepared to remain single if I don't find a woman who isn't right for me - or for whom I am not the right man.

Note that I did not say that I didn't want to date. In fact, I'm willing and ready to date - if I meet a woman whom I think might possibly be a candidate for a marriage partner. It's just that the pool of potential candidates for me seems to be considerably smaller than for most other men. I attribute that to two primary factors: (1) my clarity about what I want, and (2) the very high bar that was set by my ex-wife.

You may think that the idea of a previous relationship "setting the bar high" is "crap", as you stated in another thread, but I am very much of the opinion that I should not get seriously involved with a woman unless she exceeds the standards established by every previous relationship. To use your phraseology, she must be MORE of what I am looking for.

Am I an idealist? You betcha. I am aware of the price, but it's who I am, it's the way I'm made, and I'm not going to apologize for it.

Here's something to chew on.

Dr Harley says you should date "seriously" 25-30 people before choosing someone to marry. This gives you the chance to see what is out there and to see what it is that really fits you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>Here's something to chew on.

Dr Harley says you should date "seriously" 25-30 people before choosing someone to marry. This gives you the chance to see what is out there and to see what it is that really fits you.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I completely agree! Have a good weekend. God Bless.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by GnomeDePlume:
<strong>[QUOTE]Unfortunately, my ex-wife chose a different, more self-destructive, path.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bar wasnt all that high. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

25-30 people! i'll be lucky to get one date!!!
Interesting.
I'm excited about at least getting started.
kk

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong>Here's something to chew on.

Dr Harley says you should date "seriously" 25-30 people before choosing someone to marry. This gives you the chance to see what is out there and to see what it is that really fits you.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh, I've chewed on it.

At the rate I have found women I would be interested in dating "seriously", I would be several hundred years old before I was "allowed" to marry. (But actually, although Dr. Harley does advocate dating at least 30 people, he does not advocate dating 30 people "seriously". As he points out, you are only likely to develop strong feelings for two or three of them.)

More importantly, Dr. Harley gives two specific reasons for his advice: (1) to learn what you need most in an opposite sex relationship, and (2) to teach you what needs you can meet for others with relative ease.

Speaking for myself, I already know these things. Admittedly, I learned them the hard way...

But frankly, that's the problem I have with Dr. Harley's advice. Although I think that many of his ideas are wise and practical, he almost seems to be suggesting that it's good to develop unhealthy relationships so that - by the contrast - you will be able to recognize a healthy one when it comes along. Talk about learning things the hard way!

In my opinion, although Dr. Harley's advice to date at least 30 people is sensible in many situations, blind application of that advice without regard to the purpose behind it is a good way of getting hurt, and of hurting a lot of people. If your first dating relationship turns out to be completely fulfilling for both of you, should you really break up just so that you can spend the next few years dating other people?

I think the bottom line is that before you marry, you really ought to know what you want, and what you have to offer. I have always been a thoughtful and observant person, and when I married my ex-wife, even though I had never dated anyone else, I thought I had a pretty good handle on those matters. And you know what? As it turned out, I was right!

My only "mistake" was in assuming that I was marrying someone who was fundamentally healthy, psychologically speaking. And given the nature of her problems, no amount of dating experience would have equipped me to recognize them before we were married. Or at least, none within the confines of my moral standards.

I wonder if I could date them all at the same time... ah, to bask in the love of so many women at the same time!!!! LOL.

25 - 30 huh? Dang... I think I dated from high school till marriage, maybe 10 girls seriously and about 10 casually. Now that I'm older... I guess I'll need to multi-task, or hire someone to help me out!!

Help everybody!
I received 3 matches on eharmony!
I really didn't expect anything for a couple of weeks!
kk

kk, howdy, you put it squarely in the Lord's lap!!(pray) remember, yer healin now, and might do the rebound gig. go slow, i mean SSSSSlllLLlllooOOOooOOooWWWww, will ketchup which ya later. jude 24,25.! yer favorite riffraffe!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> !

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kk2002:
<strong>25-30 people! i'll be lucky to get one date!!!
Interesting.
I'm excited about at least getting started.
kk</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kk2002:
<strong>Help everybody!
I received 3 matches on eharmony!
I really didn't expect anything for a couple of weeks!
kk</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Hey Mr. Riffraffe,
Yeah, thanks for all the encouragement:) And look what's happened now...I've got 5 matches on eharmony, and now one wants to communicate with me!!!! I don't know if i'm ready ...what do I say?
Everybody, eharmony may be great, but don't get on there until you're ready!
Have a great weekend, i'm gonna spend mine trying to think of what to say to these fellows. It's been a while.
KK