<BR>Okay, here’s why I want to cry, or at the very least scream. For 3 days I’ve searched for a minute to reply to my other post. I really, really, REALLY want to write on it! I have so much to say and I’m so grateful for all of the input. When I don’t get right back people think I don’t care or that their post didn’t matter. God, that is so NOT the case!<P>But the real problem is that my life is so FEWTR#%$#%#$%^T$% ing busy that I don’t have time to pee, let alone sit and write. I am so frustrated! I am a full time mother of a constantly sick baby of 14 months. My H is not much of help, and I work 20 hours a week as a teacher in night school. I am too busy! Honestly, yesterday I was wishing I had a catheter because I simply don’t have the luxury of peeing when I need to. I hate this. I hate myself for wishing my son could go to a babysitter and just give me some free time. I can’t remember the last time I got to shop or talk on the phone to a friend or just be alone, let alone get my papers graded, lessons planned, diapers changed, house cleaned. I actually I am so tired, and just sick of listening to S cry, H gripe, and mother whine because I don’t return calls. Then I feel guilty when H wants anything because I just can’t take another demand being placed on me. <P>I’ve got to go – it is just too hard to type and breast feed at the same time. And I’ve got to make an obligatory trip to visit my parents ( who live 2 hours away in the state’s worst trafic, on a $$&*()( holiday weekend!. Gee, more people placing demands. Great, I'm still in the burbs and I've got road rage! No wonder I’m so ugly now. I have no time to care about how the hell I look. All I can manage to do is survive. <P>Do you ever want to shout, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME A MOMENT OF PEACE – GOD, JUST ONE MOMENT OF PEACE!<P>Again, I’m sorry to have not written on the other post, but I’m totally SWAMPED. I doubt I’ll reply to this one either, please don’t get angry,<BR>FC <BR><p>[This message has been edited by facing choices (edited September 03, 1999).]

FC,<BR>You are in those early stage of parenthood when the baby needs your attention. I can relate though not totally because my W was not working when our boys were born. She didn't start working until our youngest was 2, I think. It will get better. Try to get your H to relieve you whenever he can and where ever he can. Now is the time for you two to start planning on how to divy up the responsibilities around the house to include taking care of the baby. <P>The two of you need time together and apart. You need some time for yourself as well as with the family as a whole. <P>Just some quick thought is response to your post.<P>Don't feel bad about not posting. Your life will never be the same now that you have a child. It will only get busier as they get older. Take a deep breath and relax. Think it through as you would a big project that you deal with at work. Don't take H and child for granted. You have to find what works for you. It wasn't easy for my W and me. We took our boys every where since the closest family when they were babies was about 1700 miles.<P>Good luck is working out a plan of attack.<P>------------------<BR>God Bless,<BR>Rob<P><BR>

Calgon...take her awwwaaaaayyyy! I'm sure any mother will tell you that we have felt the same way. It didn't click w/me until I heard a work and family speaker say that "you can HAVE it all, you just can't DO it all" that I "allowed" myself to get some help. I think there is some truth to the saying..."when Mom's not happy, no one is happy...." Lighten your load. Get a sitter, hire out your cleaning, schedule your calls to your mom, etc. In many cities, you can even order your groceries on-line and have them delivered to your home. Take the steps now to lighten your load, you'll feel much better for it in the long run. Good Luck!

fc<BR>It's okay to be frustrated. I remember wondering if the sleeping baby could hear me pick up my fork. Or if there was and invisible buzzer that went off when I crossed the doorway to the bathroom.<BR>They are teenagers now and they still know when I am on my way through that door.<BR>Maybe you should try to cut back on pleasing the other people. Take a look at your obligations and see which ones can be put aside for a while. Could your parents come there? Just a thought.

fc:<P>You're sure that we're not married??? <P>Yes, I hear you loud and clear. You need to start taking care of yourself and prioritizing your activities. You need to start getting your husband involved in helping. You need to find a babysitter to start taking care of the kid for an hour or two so that you and your husband can do things.<P>Prioritize. While you're getting that 15 seconds to pee, start writing down a list of things you can do to cut the stress. Deal with them. For example, your parents could visit you. You could go next weekend. You could drop your job. You could find a new doctor to help get your son better. <P>It's tough. This is a great time to start leaning on your husband---it's a golden opportunity for him to deposit love units. But please be specific on what you need and how you'd like those needs to be dealt with.

I agree with K about prioritizing. I have to admit I'm, due to my current experience, not crazy about the mother working, can you take a leave of absence from your teaching job till baby gets healthy or you can unwind.<BR>I know thats sexist, but I'm turning into my parents ! Sorry !

LOL RWD!!!<P>I think one major issue about why my wife's affair started was that she STOPPED working, and didn't have the "adult contact" that would fill some of her needs. <P>If anyone cares, I'd stop working in a second and stay at home with the kids. I've volunteered this to my wife plenty... but she's not buying.

LOL K, you sound like my H.<P>fc, I have 3 little ones. It is perfectly normal to feel as you do. The chaotic and random demand on time that I formerly had total control over was a very tough transition for me. Get some time to yourself and use a babysitter even when you aren't working. I admit I didn't use a babysitter once until my oldest was 2! I think they just never cut the umbilical cord. Hang in there, fc.

facing choices,<BR>I always found the ages between about one and maybe 2.5 the hardest. Too old to breastfeed quietly (has yours managed to disconnect you from the internet yet), too young to play. It really does get easier, physically, but then they start talking constantly. There is nothing harder than having your baby sick frequently, and unfortunately, based on personal experience, putting them in daycare makes that even more likely. I worked about half time when several of mine were young, and it certainly isn't easy.

Deep breath now, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Ahhhhhhh.<P>I'm sure others will agree that going pee has priority over posting on the MB board - at least for me. One way or another it's going to come out, and if you stay in front of the monitor too long you'll have another mess to clean up. So, go pee!!!!<P>FC, I've been there. In fact, a lot of times I think I'm still there. I have four kids. Babies are tough in that they demand so much of your time. On the bright side, they are very cuddly and they don't talk back to you. In my 17 year marriage, one regret I have is not being more helpful to my W during those baby years. Now, things are much different. My W is in school and working part time. I have taken over most household chores, cooking, cleaning, making kids lunches, enforcing chores, blah, blah, blah everyone knows all the 'stuff' that has to get done. My W, like you, has trouble figuring out what day it is let alone being concerned with kids stuff. So, I have taken over and I really don't mind. <P>One suggestion I have, is to try and enlist help from your H. If he is unwilling, would he be willing to have a maid come in once a week to clean and do laundry?<P>FC, I for one don't get offended if you or anyone else doesn't write back. Don't worry about it. Parenthood is tough. Wait until they start knocking on your door asking "Mommy are you OK?" when you and your H are..... talk about a mood killer. <P>Hang in there FC. And, please be sure to make your bladder gladder.<P>SHA<P><p>[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited September 03, 1999).]

SHA:<P>Excellent idea on the domestic help. I asked my wife if she could spend about $50/week on some type of "help"---would she prefer having Noah at daycare or having a maid service come in? I think we're going to either do 2 half-days or 1 full-day of childcare; we have an excellent provider at our church.

Hey K - I would go for the day care over the maid service too. Sometimes you have to get away for your own sanity. Taking a few hours off is almost a necessity. My oldest is 13 now. He is our built in baby sitter - very handy . <P>FC - I remember when my youngest was finally potty trained. We had nine years of wiping hinies - I took my W out for a nice dinner when we got to that point. Hang in there and enjoy your son as much as you can - time does go by quickly. We are going to be making our obligatory trip to visit my folks too. Gee, I wonder if my kids will be saying the same thing about me. <P>Have a good weekend!<P>SHA

FC - Just wanted to add my two cents. I agree with everyone here. Take care of yourself as you are important to everyone. Do whatever it takes to bring you peace and happiness and that includes taking "time off" from friends and family. You need a break - take it and I hope it brings you peace to mind, body and soul. I understand completely.<BR>Your friend,<BR>"C"

Thanks everyone for the support! I'm home from a very busy, very stressful weekend. It was more exhausting than I anticipated. Every time I go visit the parents they drag me all over town to visit every friend and relative in the area. I know they just want to show off their grandson, but geez, why can't they just have a party and invite everyone over. Anyway, I'm glad to be home and have a lot of catching up for work to do. I still hope to get back to that other post, but I'm afraid the good folks who wrote to me there have already given up on me. Anyway, thanks for the thoughts and encouragement. I'm feeling a little better now. Actually, at this moment, I can't imagine having more than one child or being a single mother. My son is a joy, but he sure is a lot of work!